


So Filthy Like This

by Zeath



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Blow Jobs, Blushing, Dirty Thoughts, Domestic Fluff, Exposure, Falling In Love, Fear of Germs, Feels, First Dates, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Groping, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Hotels, Kankri loves Cronus' cat, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Mysophobia, NSFW, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Phone Sex, Recovered Memories, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Surprise Kissing, Texting, Therapy, a lot of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 59,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3417731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeath/pseuds/Zeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri had a problem. </p><p>How will Kankri deal with his exposure therapy with a certain cute therapist?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! New story for you!
> 
> May I just say that I haven't got this phobia therefore I apologize if I get part of it wrong, I have researched about it though. still, I am sorry if I offend people that have it. :3 
> 
> Make sure to check out my other works!!

Dirt. Filth. It was everywhere. His eyes swept over the room to inspect its contents and found infected areas. A seat where someone might have put their dirty hand on it, doorknobs that hasn’t been sanitised. He couldn’t be too cautious with his surroundings; everything was contaminated to Kankri.

At the moment, the man was out on a business trip; normally he wouldn’t because it meant a new area of filth but he was pushed into it buy his boss. His neat and tidy preparations for the job were packed in his briefcase as he stood in what would be his room for a couple of days. The hotel was five stars and probably clean enough for an ordinary person to get by but not Kankri. His gloved hands clenching in fear at the amount of sanitation he would have to do until he was satisfied.

In his other hand, a suitcase filled with a new set of clothes, three pairs of fresh gloves and two bottles of sanitizer. He had to be sure that where he was going was clean. Setting the briefcase on the bedside table and the suitcase next to said table and got to work. He strode into the bathroom connected to the bedroom and opened up the cupboard under the sink, spotting nothing but a bucket, a sponge and anti-bacterial spray with a cloth underneath it. The spray would have to do because Kankri certainly wasn’t going to touch the bucket; who knows has even touched that and he wasn’t going to get started on the sponge, it made the man shiver just thinking about the germs on that. Pulling out the spray and shutting the door, he then used it to soak the cloth and got to work with cleaning the bathroom first. The cupboard doors were wiped clean and then the countertop, the sink was thoroughly scrubbed and the taps had to be sanitised completely, he couldn’t be satisfied with just anti-bacterial spray on it. The shower was next, the floor of it being scrubbed and then the shower head, the tap for that and he wasn’t going to touch the curtain so he wouldn’t need to sanitise it. Maybe bleach it but he didn’t have any.

The toilet was another thing that needed complete sanitation, the amount of germs on that made Kankri cringe and almost vomit at the thought. He decided it would be better to just keep spraying the anti-bacteria on it. The floor needed a mop with some serious germ killer but he didn’t have that so he would just have to wear shoes inside the bathroom until he could get one. The door wasn’t left out either, wiped down fully just in case anyone had touched it with filthy hands. Ugh. Disgusting.

The door knob was also a victim to the anti-bacterial spray, going out into the main part of the room; the bedroom. Just looking at the area around him that might have germs festering. It made him shiver with the need to vomit. He strode to his suitcase to grab the sanitizer and slipped off his gloves, pouring some on his hands and scrubbed viciously, wincing at the chafed skin of his hands being burned by the alcohol. It was all for a good cause; he was going to be away from dirt.

Collecting the sanitizer, he slipped the gloves back on once he felt fresh enough to continue, going to the bathroom door knob again and rubbing it down with the extra sanitation. The then proceeded to go to the front door and do the same, he couldn’t be too careful. The lamps, light switches and handles for draws were extra sanitized because they were the ones that were always touched by filthy hands. He knew the bed was clean enough to sleep on but the thought that someone else had touched it was niggling in the back of his mind; what did the person do to the sheets? Did they wash their hands before and after? Where did they clean it? Because the area around the covers might have been unsanitary. “Don’t think about it Kankri, you can do one night.”

It was already quite late and the extra clean-up had probably taken a while, checking his watch and breathing out a sigh. Nearly nine. He should go to bed. Going to the suitcase, he emptied out the pajamas and laid them out on the bed; a fresh pair that had just been washed this morning. He slipped his suit off and gently laid the jacket across the thoroughly cleaned chair, folding his shirt and trousers, laying them opposite each other and resting his shoes under the chair, out the way. It looked neat like this, laying his essentials down on the bedside table. Once naked, he gently took off his gloves and laid them out and folded them together, setting them in the suitcase and getting a fresh pair out for him tomorrow. With that, he shuffled on his new pajamas and pulled back the covers to get in, snuggling down in the queen sized bed and leaning over to switch off the lamp next to him, the room disappearing into the darkness of night. Before turning over to sleep, he had to quieten his need to be clean, reaching over blindly to the sanitizer, spurting some onto his hands once more before and trying not to cringe at the stinging of alcohol once again on the chapped skin.

Kankri had a problem, he knew that and he has tried to change himself. He was willing to stop the sanitation, the need to be clean was overpowering and left him in the dark, breathing laboured because he didn’t wash his hands before bed. It was tough having his illness, he knew he had it and was almost ashamed by it but could he stop it? He didn’t know how.

What he didn’t tell people, was that he had a single card in his briefcase that he kept inside all the time. Just slipped in the pocket there. It was a clinic that specializes in his illness and has a phone number to call them. He was fully prepared to call it.

Tomorrow, maybe. If the phone was cleaned fully, who knows how many people had touched it. He really needed to buy a phone.


	2. Chapter 2

Cronus had always been a kind helper. He would hold children's hands to cross the roads to get to their schools. He would make sure that everyone in his family was well fed and happy. He was even kind to animals, going to shelters when he had time off to help with feeding them and cleaning out the cages. 

He thought his future career would be helping young people through counselling but this wasn't so bad. He was still assisting people through troubling times, but now he would be paid. His job was to treat people who were suffering from a range of obsessive disorders; some of them were mild yet a hindrance for the person and others it was extremely severe where they needed therapy to get by in life. His only treatment is exposure because if they were just talking then how would they cure the disorder? 

He normally takes his patient to the clinic first and gets them to speak about what's troubling them, write ten things down that they would allow in their disorder and he would go from there. Sometimes it was an easy thing, for example; letting other people touch their stuff without sanitation or having to correct it instantly. What might seem simple to you might be completely impossible for someone who is suffering from this illness. It's also a time where Cronus would get them to talk about when they first saw signs of the disorder and what they think might have caused it; early trauma is the number one cause for phobias so it's natural that he would begin with that. So far, Cronus had treated numerous people and they have all said he is some kind of miracle worker. He thinks it's because he has a technique whereas the other therapists just get on with it to get paid faster. He loves patients, hearing their stories and watching them slowly become content within themselves as they were able to do things that they seemed impossible before. 

At the moment he was with a patient at a cafe, he loved coming here after his job because it's just down the road from where he worked. His patient was on their fourth number, going to a restaurant and eating there. Believe it or not, it is a very common thing. Someone who is obsessed with keeping order has a fear of going to places where you don't know what they've put in the food or how dirty the place is. They have a need to control all the time and being away from that may cause panic. He's being gentle though, letting the patient sit down and get use to the surroundings.

"I want to move that plant." 

Cronus glanced over to where his patient was staring with disdain, eyebrows turned down in sympathy. There he goes again. "Today is not about rearranging the furniture, you're conquering your fourth trial." 

"But I want to move it, it's not on the tile properly." 

So it was, the pot was a smidgen out of place on the edge. "Focus on this table, the menu. Do you feel like eating today? Or is being in a cafe good enough for you today." 

He watched his patient attempt to put their mind to the task at hand but the compulsive need to move the plant was strong. A waitress came over with a welcoming smile, Cronus greets her every time he's here, once he was even going to try and flirt with her but he decided not. He liked this cafe and being pinned as a pervert was not what he wanted. The girl had a thin waist with an apron wrapped around it, her hair going down to her shoulders and her face powered with light make up. She was indeed a charming thing to see. He ordered a coffee, not wanting to eat because he would be focusing on his patient today who had their noses turned up at the menu. "Do you want to eat today?"

"I-- I don't know. I don't know what they put in any of this." 

Cronus nodded at the waitress, smiling at her patience; everyone at the restaurant knew his job and therefore understood that they would have to go slow with whoever he was aquatinted with. The patient flipped through the pages, spotting the symptoms of an anxiety attack coming; his breathing was becoming much faster as he started to read through the menu with more distress. "It's alright, take your time. Would you like to just have water today? It's a start." 

"Yes. Water. With ice." The patient shut the menu quickly and slapped it on the table, breathing out a shaky sigh as the waitress gathered the two menus and left to prepare them. 

He took that time to smile kindly across at them. "Well done, you ordered at a cafe." 

"I feel like you did all the work." 

"You wanted ice, that was your choice. And you stopped yourself from having a panic attack, you wouldn't have been able to do that two weeks ago." The water was brought back on a tray with an empty glass with three ice cubes in it and a beaker of water for the patient to fill up however they wanted. The cafe thought of everything, showing his thanks to the waitress with a knowing glance. 

As his patient began to inspect the beaker for any specs of dirt, Cronus's phone vibrated in his pocket. He had to keep his phone on just in case one of his other patients needed to contact him about an appointment, but he kept it on silence to not alarm his more vulnerable patients. It was from his work, the subject about a new patient that they would want him to work with. Kankri Vantas. 

Says here that he has a serious case of mysophobia that it controls his life. He needs to be looked at with the utmost care by one of the professionals that were more gentle with their patients, hence why they contacted him. He did need the money, not getting many people around this time. He accepted the patient with open arms of course and replied to the message positively, of course he would love to add Kankri to his list of patients. 

Once he finished his text, he simply slipped his phone back into his pocket and rose his head to find that his patient was pouring the water into the glass. "Ah! Well done! I'm so proud of you!" 

 

\---

 

He did it. He had called and they answered and they didn't judge him for being so pushy about needing help right away. He couldn't take it any longer, the insistent nagging in his head for cleanliness twenty four seven. He finished the phone call and had to sanitize his ear just in case, his gloved hand clenching in slight anger at the fact that he had to ring the clinic in the first place. If only he were normal that he wouldn't have to deal with all this panic about being away from people because of unidentifiable germs and vermin that might be festering on a door or maybe a piece of food that he didn't see being prepared. 

He had made the appointment for next week on Monday, that gave him the weekend to stop worrying and get everything in his schedule complete before then. 

He had left the hotel room cleaner than when he found it in, wheeling his suitcase away from the building and to the reason why he was here in the first place. He loved his job, and he was good at it. Excellent in fact, they even gave him a raise for not complaining as well as keeping everything organised and not getting too personal with the clients. Honestly, to think that some people that he worked with would go to an extent so far to get the sale they wanted, that they'd sleep with them. Disgusting. The amount of vermin on them must be immense, that's why Kankri doesn't chat with the higher ups in his job. They might infect him with some sort of disease if they even came in close contact. 

If you didn't know already, Kankri was an insurance broker, he acts in the interest of his clientele and offers different sources from more than one area to ensure that his clients get the best deal out there. He love what he does but the only thing that's stopping him from enjoying the extra pay and good service is the business trips. If he didn't have this disease then he would be able to leave the house without having to go through a list in his head, he could go to work on a train without panic attacks and he wouldn't have to clean everything he touches because of dirt. He hates how he's become and he doesn't know what else to do but get the strongest help out there. Though, Kankri doesn't know how they're going to cure him of this, he thinks he's too far gone for a professional to help him. 

Calling a taxi outside and climbing in, cringing at the thought of people coming in the same car and what they might have done in it. They took him to the building of his client and parked outside the entrance, letting Kankri give him a clean ten dollar bill and a thank you before the man carried his luggage inside to his appointment that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember I haven't got this phobia so I am going off of what I have learned from research. I apologise if I offend.


	3. Chapter 3

At the moment, the time was half past three on Monday and Kankri was standing outside the clinic. His hands were clammy under his pristine gloves, hair set neatly and his casual clothes pressed to cleanliness. His appointment was at three forty five but he got here early because he knew he would have the problem of opening the door. 

It wasn't his fault; the door handle had probably been cleaned because the counselors had to deal with people obsessing about its dirt. It most definitely hadn't got a spec of filth on it, yet Kankri knew it was futile to suppress these thoughts on his own. To him, everything was dirty and he had to know that it had been thoroughly disinfected before proceeding. He reached into his bag to retrieve a handkerchief, laying it flat in his palm and breathed out a sigh before wrapping his extra clothed hand around the door handle and pulling. It opened with a soft squeak and Kankri stepped inside to inspect the place that would be treating to cure him. 

It was a widely spaced room with thirty or so seats in what Kankri presumes is the waiting area. There were paintings hanging on the walls and a desk with a secretary seated behind it. She was typing away on her computer with a concentrated scowl on her lipstick smeared mouth, her bun was messily put in a bun with two clips attaching it together, it made Kankri's mind reel with the need to make her redo it to his liking. Instead of speaking his mind, the now heavily uncomfortable man stepped forward to the woman behind the desk and spoke in a clear, soft voice. "Excuse me, Vantas here for an appointment? It's at three forty five?" 

The lady lifted her head from her computer to peer up at Kankri, her eyes reading his facial features before going back to her computer, typing in the name into the database and finding the appointment leading to Cronus Ampora. She nodded and smiled up at the patient with one that was well known to Kankri; fake, robotic etiquette that secretaries do. "Please have a seat in the waiting room, Mr Vantas and I'll inform Mr Ampora that you're here." 

With that, she returned to her clacking on the keyboard. Kankri walked back to the thirty something chairs that were probably extremely unclean, they weren't disinfected before because normal people don't actually sanitize chairs. They're one of the worst for getting germs on hands, along with door knobs but they're cleaned more likely than chair handles. He decided to keep on his feet, sitting down would only agitate him more. Glancing around the room, he noticed the walls were brightly colored, probably to get people into a happier mood than their anxiety stricken bodies and obsessive behavior. The paintings stuck out on the wall, there were quotes also written on the walls but Kankri was delighted to see a row of sunflowers in a single painting. It was bland to the average person but to Kankri it showed power and simple love for the color orange. He stood in front of the painting to stare at the detail out into each stroke, the amount of color put in one place that wasn't as thick in other parts. Each sunflower seed looked edible. They were tilted to show that a wind was blowing but not strong enough to take them away, just enough to knock them side to side, it brought a sense of longing for Kankri because his obsessive need to make everything in line with him and disinfect the surrounding areas, he wouldn't allow himself to go out into a field and smell the flowers growing there. Sure he could look at them on the breeder or a television but it was the experience to touch them and feel the petals under his fingers was something he had wanted for a long time. 

While off in his own dream world, Cronus had been alerted of his client arriving a little earlier than normal but he didn't complain because some of his patient had that problem, coming down the hallway to the waiting area and saw a man's back. He was wearing a bright red turtleneck sweater with black jeans to match with the black smart shoes. His hair was curly but set in a way that it wouldn't go out of place. The man, who he knows as Mr Vantas, was admiring the painting more than greeting with him. He spoke loud enough to startle the man but not enough to give him a full blown heart attack. Kankri jolted and turned around, caramel eyes matching his blueish ones and a light flush on his freckled cheeks was what greeted Cronus. "I apologize, I was in my own little world. I'm Kankri Vantas." 

Kankri Vantas, more like damn Vantass. His patients thighs were heavily thick and were hugged by the darkened jeans, not enough to be considered overweight but just enough to make someone take another look. His client held out a gloved hand to shake and Cronus accepted it with a firm grip, shaking it and watching Kankri's face slightly twitch. At least he was trying to get past the germs and interact with others, that was always a plus. They let go and Kankri tried to act neutral but Cronus noticed the glance down at the glove and attempted to distract him, pointing to the door he came out of. "This way please." 

Kankri followed his therapist across to the freshly shaved, wooden door and up the stairs to his room. With each step he took, there was a picture on the walls; framed up to match the color code of different shades of brown and blue. It was a beautiful place to work, professional yet still had a spark of creativity that these kinds of places needed. Still, Kankri couldn't think of anything other than who had touched the railings without sanitation and how the stairs need a scrub down with some disinfectant. 

They got inside Cronus' room and Kankri was surprised by the amount of purple that was in there; from the sofa to the desk and the table, all different shades of violet. Even his desk chair was a lovely tinge of pinkish purple. Cronus lifted up a small file from his desk and took a seat on the sofa, letting his patient take his time with finding an area he was comfortable with. He started off completely off topic from Kankri's problems to ease him into the interview type conversation they were going to have. "So, Kankri. What's your favorite color? It's just a tradition for me to use my patients favorite color to label their files." 

Kankri stood in the doorway, peering around the room thinking about all of the people that might have been in here and dirtied it up. The question was out of the blue though, a frown appearing in a crease between his eyebrows but he replied without thinking. "It's crimson." 

"Red? Cool, I'm more of a purple type of guy but that's a warm color, you know? For romance and all that jazz." Cronus opened up the file that was temporarily green but he will change it when the session is over, no need to go through unnecessary trouble and seem like a busy person in front of a client, it could put them off. Instead he simply started writing the date and the time that this session started and continued from there, he looked up at the curly brunette when he heard him scoff softly. "Is there a problem?" 

"No, simply saying this but I do not trouble myself with the color of passion of such. I'm celibate. I have no need to get anywhere need that kind of filth, it's troublesome." Kankri's words were harsh but he was speaking honestly, sex for him was considered messy and unclean. He wanted nothing to do with it and so he made a vow that he wouldn't even masturbate because it's not needed for his growth as a person. Also his obsession with cleaning things would mean he would probably put sanitizer on his penis and that wouldn't be very healthy for genital skin. Cronus nodded and wrote some a couple of notes to make a mental quote that Kankri chose to be that way just in case he says something in the further that he doesn't approve of. Kankri pause for a moment to enter the room with more confidence, everything around him reeked of dirt and he just wanted to leave and never return but he was forcing himself now. Everything about this situation was so wrong in his mind but he needed to do this so that he will get better and then he will never have to deal with having an urge to clean door handles and not let other people touch his stuff ever again. Thinking about it, he also wouldn't have to sanitize an entire room just because it wasn't his like a few days ago. He shut his eyes to focus before standing in front of Cronus and almost sitting down on the seat opposite the therapist but something was psychically stopping the bones in his legs from bending. It was like a strike had happened and he was willing himself to not sit down, it was too dirty and he didn't know who sat on it, what purpose they ha while on it and also he didn't know about the amount of people coming through to clean up the joint. After trial and error, he proceeded to walk away from the chair and inhaled deeply before turning to Cronus. "I'm sorry, I'm normally not like this." 

Mr Ampora didn't mind one bit, having dealt with other cleanliness obsessed people who didn't have lives because of it, this was child-play for some of the more adult areas too. Cronus called bullshit to that but he kept a stoic face, nodding along with what Kankri said because that was simply how a good therapist does things. He doesn't want to make his client uncomfortable on the first day. Cronus tapped his pen on the blank paper and thought it was time to get to the point, forgetting Kankri's urge to sit down but not get dirty. "So, how long have you had the need to be clean continuously?" 

Kankri kept to his standing position, crossing his arms together and tried to remember when this all began, shutting his eyes with a frown. "Well I'm not sure where I exactly started but I can think of the beginning of my problem." 

"Can you tell me?" Cronus spoke with a soft voice. It was soothing to Kankri, made him want to open up everything he had deep inside. 

"I kept seeing people sneezing, and then touch... Touch handles and door knobs and... Ugh!" He grimaced and his face paled like he was going to vomit, he was going to cover his mouth with his hand but he thought about the germs that he had touched with the gloves and stopped himself from doing so. Cronus nodded and wrote down what Kankri had said, jotting notes on how to help with what he has to deal with. He then asks Kankri about how serious the obsession with cleanliness has progressed and he watches the brunette twiddle his thumbs together, clenching his fists up. "Oh, it's gotten so bad. Because of my job, I'm traveling around a lot of business and so I go to hotels, I'm cleaning rooms that should already be done by a maid. It's just the feeling that nothing is clean unless I know it's been done by me." 

"That's interesting, but completely normal to want to know first hand if what you are touching isn't contaminated. Now, there is a fresh batch of black paper over near my desk, I want you to take one and write down a list from one to ten." Cronus waits while Kankri finds the stack of clean paper, lifting it up so he could get one out of the middle, just in case the top pieces had been touched. He slid a pen from inside his jacket pocket and bent down so he could write on the table in front of him. Cronus thought he had Kankri then, that he was going to sit down and write that way but this was almost perfect, he had a view of that tight ass and those firmly thick thighs. He didn't want to state though, in case he was caught, just glancing was enough for now. Kankri peered up at his therapist when he completed the task and waited for Cronus to continue. "Now, list down from one being the easiest, to ten being the more unbearable on what you wouldn't do. For example; perhaps opened doors without gloves or not cleaning a hotel room when you are staying in it." 

Kankri cringed but started to think about what he would find not that bad, writing frown three easily and struggling to complete the sentences in a couple more. Just thinking about it to write about was almost vomit inducing. He didn't know what to do for the last two and slotted his pen in his jacket once more, shaking his head. Cronus seemed to understand that it was a serious mission for him to write about these tasks and let the two slide for now, though he will probably make Kankri do it when he has completed the first eight. He leaned forward to have a look at what he would be dealing with here, eyes skimming through the light handwriting of his client. "This is very good, I can see us working well with these." 

"Working well?" Kankri frowned and glanced down at his list again, rereading it back to himself. 

"Yes, we are going to complete these tasks one by one until the entire list is finished. I promise you by the end of the list, you obsession with keeping clean will be so minuscule, you'll forget you ever had it." Cronus let out a breathy chuckle as Kankri's face paled; he would have to work out the tasks? He almost fainted writing them! He stood up straight and tried to calm himself, no need to be panicked on the first day. Cronus lifted the paper and slot it in the file, smiling cheekily. "Don't look so afraid, I'm doing this with you and we can be as slow as we need to. We are going by your pace." 

That calmed the brunette down enough, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. He was glad that he decided to do this, the struggle can finally end and he wouldn't have to do anything but get over his obsession. They spoke a little more, mostly about how they were going to do the treatment; exposure therapy is what Cronus had said but that makes him sound strange so he's just thinking of it as a treatment. He didn't have to go on medication so that was always a plus, bough if the therapy gets too much for him, he is allowed to start anxiety medicine that's apparently rare to need. The more Kankri spoke, he more he was actually feeling safer around Cronus, his voice was smooth and he didn't flinch when Kankri kept going on and on about how much he hates germs, he hasn't had this amount of freedom talking about his illness in so long and he was kind of taking advantage of it. Cronus didn't seem to mind, it was only fuel for him to write down so that they could be closer to finding out the deep seated problem and fix it faster.

Cronus checked his watch, a hint of sadness in his eyes as he glanced up at his client. He spoke softly that it was the end of the hour and when should they speak again, letting Kankri have the full reigns on when they would meet up. Kankri had to think about his schedule for a moment but chose next week on Thursday afternoon would be a good choice. Cronus compared the time to see if he had another patient that time and he was delighted when it was blank. He wrote down the appointment in his book and beamed at his client politely. "I'll see you next week." 

Kankri nodded and waved instead of asking for a handshake, going to the door and pausing because it was shut, damn it. He collected all the confidence in his stomach as he reached forward to grab the handle but the thoughts of who had touched it was itching his brain. They didn't wash their hands, it was going to infect him. Disgusting. He could almost see the filth writhe on the metal handle. His hands were shaking and he noticed because he clenched his gloved fists. Why was he so weak? Couldn't even touch a door. 

"It's alright, you don't have to force yourself yet." Cronus' voice was right behind him as he leaned forward and grabbed the door knob, unlatching it and pushing the door open for Kankri to walk through. His smile was so charming, Kankri almost swooned if he wasn't disgusted by the fact that Cronus had opened the door barehanded. He wish he was that strong willed. "I'll see you next week."

With that, Kankri left down the stairs and followed the directions to the exit, relieved that the front door was opened because he couldn't deal with that right now. The secretary had wished him a good day brings him and he gave her a wave to say he heard her before going through the exit and breathed in the air around him. Finally, he was on the right track to being cured.


	4. Chapter 4

It was no surprise that the man was a mess; the list of ten things he had to do was almost unthinkable to him even on a good day. The appointment was twenty minutes and he was on his way over to the clinic, walking briskly in the cold air, lucky for him he brought a thick coat to cover his sweater and keep him warm. It’s also another layer away from everyone else which is something else he loved about this coat, the thicker it is, the more he is unable to get someone else’s germs. He didn’t know what he was thinking when he made that stupid list; he didn’t really know that it was a plot Cronus uses to get people into curing them, but that’s the reason behind exposure therapy he guesses. If this is what he had to do to make sure he was healthy again and that he could manage his compulsion without needing to scrub every part of his body clean, he would do this all again. Probably not now that he thought about it. 

Checking his watch behind all the layers keeping him warm, he noticed it was now fifteen minutes before the appointment. He had to be on time which is why he was always waiting for people, another reason why he was such a reliable source when it came to his job; the time management was an extremely helpful skill in his line of work and his business associates were always trusting him when it came to handing things in on time. He arrived at the clinic and strode through the open door with a sigh of relief, at least he didn’t have to go through that trauma so early in the day, walking up to the receptionist and smiling sweetly at her. “Appointment for Kankri Vantas?” 

“Yes, Mr Ampora is with someone right now, please wait in the area provided.” She let out a soft breath as her fingers clacked on the keyboard, making Kankri cringe; she probably doesn’t know that someone has touched that, the ideas popping into his head of her touching things with her dirty hands was making his nauseous but he swallowed his disgust and nodded at her before leading himself to the waiting area, not wanting to take a seat because who knows what was on those chairs. He chose to admire the paintings again, spotting a new one that was just a bunch of splashed paint over another, it was enough to piss him off because how could this be art? He suppose it’s about perspective and he didn’t have the eye for imagination, which is why he’s in an office job and not out into the world exploring or creating something, another reason is because he wouldn’t be able to take a plane ride with other people for so long, breathing in the same dirty air as strangers, they could have colds or another disease that leads him to being sick. Ugh, filthy.

“Kankri?” Cronus’ cheerful voice echoed out into the almost empty room and the brunette turned to meet his therapist. He spotted another person leaving, breathing out a sigh of relief as they noticed the door was open and leaving briskly; Kankri could sympathise with them, door were disgustingly dirty and shouldn’t be touched without protection. He followed Cronus up those steep stairs and into his room, sticking to standing up as the therapist collected the red binder from his bookcase and opening it up, taking a pen out of his breast pocket and clicking it to work. “So how have you been since last time we spoke?”

“What do you mean?” He raised his eyebrow in question; he hasn’t done anything because it was Cronus’ job to help him, not help himself or he wouldn’t be paying the man to help him in the first place. “I’ve been working.”

“Is that going alright? No one is making this exposure hard on you?” He wrote down on the blank paper that Kankri wouldn’t sit down, something to come to terms with that might not be on his list of ten things to do. Kankri nodded his head to say that yes, everything it just fine and Cronus let out a sigh, jotting it down in the notes and leaning back against the seat, much to Kankri’s discomfort who was shuffling on his feet. “Okay, do you feel emotionally and mentally ready to do the first step on your list?”

Kankri paled a little at the thought of having to do something so soon, the exposure therapy is meant to put you out of your comfort zone but the pressure of coming out of his safety box was something that Kankri couldn’t even imagine. Cronus slipped the list out and read the first: taking gloves off in public, seemed simple enough for him but for Kanrkri it was probably a lot, he read down the list and set it on the table. “Alright, we can work with this, so you want to take your gloves off in public, can you tell me a little about that?”

Kankri thought it was a pretty simple notion, he wears gloves all the time and he wants to not wear them. At least once. But the expression on Cronus’ face was enough for him to speak about his goal, his face flushing a little bit. “I hate germs and I know they’re in the air around us all the time, but touching things on accident is something that I just can’t deal with and I want to get over that. I just want to feel the wind on my hands again, I don’t want to touch anything.” 

“Is my room public enough for you? I can shut the door to give you more privacy or we can go downstairs and outside the clinic if you’d prefer--.”

“No, no this is fine, I don’t think I’m for the full outside adventure yet.” Cronus seemed to understand and nodded his head to allow this. Kankri was relieved that he wasn’t going to be put out of his comfort zone so early into the therapy. H took a deep breath and glanced down at his perfectly clean, pearly white gloves and thought about how many germs would touch his skin once he took them off. It made him shudder in disgust but he knew he had to do it, he owed Cronus something or he would have come here for nothing. With each breath he inhaled, he attempted to take in as much confidence along with it, his self-esteem wasn’t one to be proud of and his hands were giving it away, shaking a little too much to pretend he was cold. 

“You’ll be alright, Kankri. Just try one glove at a time, do you think you can do that for me?” Cronus saw the clear anxiety on Kankri’s face; it was common for anyone going through exposure therapy to be panicky about actually exposing themselves to the outside world. Some of his clients couldn’t handle the extreme notion that they would have to come out of their protective bubbles to overcome them, they would quit the sessions after a couple appointments with a false pretence that they were already healed and could do the rest on their own. Cronus knew they were lying and let them come back anytime. He hoped that Kankri wouldn’t be like that; it was obvious that the man had some deep traumas to get over that he couldn’t accomplish without help and Cronus wanted to be the one who took him through it. 

He stood up from his seat and walked towards Kankri, stopping a few feet away from him and held his hands up in a peaceful sign so that the shorter brunette wouldn’t think he would sudden touch him. Thought he really, really wanted to. “You can do this, just try pulling them off just a little, not all the way if that’s too much for you.” 

The sudden flush of pink that rose on Kankri’s cheeks was something that Cronus hoped he could stare at for a long time, it was such a contrast from his tanned skin, like strawberry sauce on a chocolate cake. Now he wanted to take a bite, but chose to nibble on his bottom lip for now. 

Kankri let out a breath before reaching to his left hand, pinching the tip of his pinkie finger and tugging a little so that the glove nudged off just a bit. The more he tugged, the more the glove was slipping off and it showed the back of his hand before he stopped, too shaken up to pull anymore. He needed to calm down, glancing at the back of his bare hand before looking away in shame. Cronus took a look at what Kankri had done and smiled proudly that he would go that far so quickly, opening his mouth to give the other man praise before noticing the raw marks on the tanned skin, almost like burn marks. It was probably from all the washing that he did, no doubt Kankri kept his hands clean at all times and so he probably wiped his hands a lot, which would leave those kinds of marks. It was a shock that they were worn down that harshly and Cronus hadn’t seen anything that harsh before, Kankri probably used some alcohol wipes or sanitizer to clean himself up. “You did so well for me Kankri, you’re almost there. Do you think you can take the whole glove off?”

“Yes, yes I do it’s just. I. Well, I need a little time to, um, prepare myself.” Kankri stuttered out and instantly felt like an idiot, why should he prepare himself for taking off a stupid glove? It sounded like he was a child. But a certain part of his brain was making his hand freeze, shaking every time he attempted to pull of the material protecting his skin from the outside world. Most of his life had been hiding from the germs that his journey had taken him and it had almost become a second nature for him to depend on his gloves. Taking them off would be like removing a safety blanket from an anxious child. 

He faltered when he grabbed the middle finger of his half removed glove. Taking the bull by the horns as the saying goes and pulled the rest of the glove off, holding it in his still covered hand. He took a moment to breathe as his hand was now venerable to the air and any of the germs around it. His eyes wandered up at Cronus’ and noticed that the man had a huge beam over his face, his own eyes brimming with pride and at that moment Kankri thought his therapist was going to reach out a bring him into a hug. Most of him was disgusted at that but a small part in the back of his mind thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be held by someone for once. 

Cronus was indeed proud because this was only the first real session that they had and already, Kankri was revealing a streak for wanting to improve his mentality, to be cured of his obsessive behaviour. They looked at each other for a moment before Cronus took a step back because he knew he would try and touch his patient and would indeed be a very bad thing because Kankri was so not ready to be touched in any way. No doubt he must have had no human contact for a long time and suddenly being held would upset him, confuse him or downright disgust him. He didn’t want anything to disturb the man and so he sat back own and picked up a pen, writing in his notes with huge capital letters ‘one glove off, success!’ and tilted his head back up to his patient. “How do you feel, Kankri?”

He really didn’t know, his hand felt cold but that was probably because the room had the air conditioning on and he had no safety for his free hand. He guesses that he should feel happy that he had accomplished something so early into the treatment but instead he just felt self-conscious and had no problem stating that to the therapist. The man just nodded and jotted something else down in the file before setting the folder down on the table and standing back up again, walking over and holding his palm out. 

“What do you do when you wash your hands?” The question set Kankri back for a moment before he peered down at his hand, looking at all of the reddened skin. He knows it’s from rubbing it so fiercely and a wave of shame rushed through him because of course it would be the first thing that Cronus had to say about his body. He replied honestly; when he felt like he had touched anything that could contaminate him, he would take out sanitizer from his bag and scrub the alcohol deep into his skin, or if he was at home he would go to his bathroom and scrub at his hands with soap and wash them vigorously. Cronus kept quiet through the explanation, nodding along until Kankri dwindled out with a sigh. “How many times would you say that you use sanitizer or wash your hands?”

Kankri ha tot think for a moment, it really depended on where he was going or what he would be doing that day and he did mention that to Cronus before replying to the question. “I would think it was around twenty to thirty times a day.”

“Do you feel as though that helps keep you clean?” Cronus was taken aback by the amount of times Kankri would use it, he was going to think that it would be a small amount because taps are everywhere so he can clean himself up. Thinking back on it, Kankri wouldn’t want to go to public areas to wash his hands because that meant other people would have gone to it and touched it. 

“Well of course it does, that’s what it’s meant for – to be antibacterial.” He bit back; what a stupid question to ask, he knows how to read labels and he made sure to always read them when it came to taking out as many germs as possible from his skin. 

Cronus smiled apologetically for a moment before replying with a hushed tone, knowing that probably sounded bad now that he thought about it. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that when you use it, do you use it for getting rid of germs or as a sense of self protection from your trauma.”

Kankri was about to speak that of course it was about keeping himself clean of bacteria but he paused when Cronus finished his sentence. He lifted his head so that those chocolate orbs could take in the sharpness of his therapist’s eyes, this was the most serious Cronus has been since he had met the man. Feeling the room suddenly become a bit tense, Kankri took a step back from Cronus and returned his gaze to his hands, talking in a the sudden softness. “May I put my glove back on, please?”

Cronus’ hands went up in a peaceful sign, letting the smaller brunette slip his glove back on, his eyes drifting over to the clock and feeling somewhat saddened that they only had a couple of minutes left. “We have five minutes left, is there anything you want to ask of me?”

“Nothing comes to mind.” Kankri had to think for a moment before shaking his head, the therapist responded by returning to the table and lifting the folder up to read through his notes, lifting up his pen and writing a few details in. “Oh wait, yes I do.” 

“I’m all ears.” Cronus let out a soft chuckle and turned his gaze to his patient.

The brunette’s words caught in his throat when those eyes returned to him, it felt like Cronus was staring into his soul with both curiosity and nurture. He swallowed thickly as those words seemed to come back up and out of his mouth like he was vomiting. “I’ve thought up what would be my ninth and tenth on the list.”

A smile broke out on Cronus’ face and he pulled out the little list of things Kankri had wrote on their meet up session, reading it all again. “What are they?”

“Well it’s a little intimate now that I think about it. But I haven’t done them before so I hope you can help get the courage to at least try them.” 

“I’m sure I could help exposing any problem you may have with your treatment.” Cronus spoke with confidence and Kankri knew at that moment he was in the right hands. It was a bit awkward to get it out but once he did he felt a lot better, he kept his eyes glued to the floor so he wouldn’t have to see Cronus’ reaction but something told him that he would be surprised. 

“The ninth problem would be kissing. Tenth would be, well. It’s masturbation.” 

Cronus felt like he had something stuck in the back of his throat and he coughed half-heartedly, his eyes widening because hot damn he didn’t think he would have that come out of Kankri’s mouth, he felt like the man would be shy about such acts but apparently not. Kankri kept his eyes to the floor so Cronus couldn’t see his face blow up with redness but the therapist could tell that he was of course a little embarrassed. As he wrote them down in the blank spaces of the list, a small smirk crept on Cronus’ mouth; this was going to be so much fun.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, this chapter does have a minor panic attack involved so if this triggers anyone then be wary!

The next couple of meetings after that were interesting to say the least. Kankri had worked hard with trying to fix his phobia by introducing simple things into his routine; his pristine gloves coming off whenever he entered Cronus’ consultation room only because he knew that his therapist would wipe it down to a more clean condition than it usually would be. Another would be Kankri getting more open in touching things that haven’t been cleaned by him as long as he’s got his gloves on, like opening doors and using other people’s pens and pencils.

They had come far from the times that Kankri would practically have a mental breakdown whenever he would attempt to touch ‘dirty’ things, but they still had a long way to go if Kankri was going to be able to control his phobia and not the other way around. It was easy for Cronus to see the improvement Kankri had gone through and felt proud of the man, as his guider, to be able to persevere. Every Thursday Kankri came and they worked together in getting to the bottom of his trauma, what led to him being so disturbed with touching things that he hasn’t sanitised first.

None of them spoke about the last two things put on the list, Cronus didn’t want to bring it up just in case Kankri got embarrassed and refused to come anymore, he felt almost ashamed that it was left in the dark. He knew it would come out in the end though, if Kankri was going to complete all of his wishes in having a normal life like he planned to. He was more than happy to help out to his patient’s needs whenever Kankri was ready.

At the moment, Kankri was half an hour into his fifth session with Cronus, sitting up straight in the colourful room, his gloves placed delicately on his lap while his therapist was jotting down notes in the bright red folder labelled ‘Vantas’. They had discussed the possibilities of Kankri’s past; from family disputes to what school he was educated in, it was free reign of anything that could be a clear sign of defilement or corruption in germs. “You father was a priest you say?”

“Yes. He’s retired now, but my brother and I would always go to church every Sunday to listen to him preach a new sermon.” Kankri smiled briefly at the memories; his father sitting at his desk with hundreds of papers flung everywhere, whenever he had an idea he had to jot it down just in case it could be the beginning of something important. Breaking out of his thoughts, Kankri blinked before apologizing.

“I’m guessing that was a happy time?”

Kankri was going to agree when a moment in his nostalgic stage made him pause a moment, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows like he remembered it was. There were arguments, mostly between his brother and his father. Karkat didn’t want to go to church every Sunday, he wanted to hang out with his friends and go to parties. He was the rebellious of the two Vantas’ brothers, and showed it often by lashing out at his father in any way possible. “It wasn’t always, but I like to remember the good times.”

Cronus was watching Kankri’s face for any emotion with his memories, his face almost lighting up in a flush by the way the corner of his patient’s eyes would crinkle in soft nostalgia, it made him want to lean over and run his thumbs over those freckled cheeks. He briefly coughed into his fist, much to Kankri’s disapproval and the man handed Cronus some sanitizer from his bag, which he accepted only to please his patient’s needs. If only it was other needs. He jotted down a couple sentences in the notes in hopes that he wasn’t caught staring, urging Kankri to continue. The brunette let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes, trying to bring back what it was like in the Vantas household once more. “They fought a lot, mostly about my father’s controlling ways. My brother was sort of a loose cannon with his friends, always sneaking out of the house and coming back late, like my father didn’t know about it.”

“Did you ever argue with either of them?” Cronus’ eyebrows lifted, looking across to Kankri who was frowning deeply, nodding his head. “May I ask what about?”

Letting out a soft breath, Kankri began to speak about the times when he was caught sneaking out of the house that one time, or when he started breaking away from Sunday church to pick up on his school activities. He began to get involved with the chess club and arts and crafts club, which his father didn’t approve of because he wanted his sons to follow him down the same line of faith that he did. “He didn’t understand that we were our own people with our own goals and dreams.”

Cronus nodded in understanding, crossing one leg over the other. It was obvious that Kankri had a tension filled teenager-hood, but nothing that could be seen a trigger for his phobia. “What were your dreams when you were younger?” 

“Oh I mustn’t say… It’s almost dreadful thinking about it now.” Kankri’s face broke out into a blush and Cronus had to reel himself in before he complimented those rosy cheeks.

“Every dream you make when you’re young is seen as immature and childish, you don’t have to tell me though.”

Kankri covered his mouth delicately with his scorn knuckles, hiding the soft giggle that came out before shaking his head and leaning in a little. “I wanted to be an artist. I knew it would be the worst thing because my father didn’t believe that artists could live off of their earnings but I’ve always loved to paint.”

Violet hued eyes widened at the thought of Kankri in one of Cronus’ old shirts, too big for him that it would slip off one of his shoulders, the man going at a giant canvas with a thick brush almost violently and smearing a radiant of colors together to make the perfect painting. Afterwards he would let everything dry up in his big painting room, getting back into the bed they shared together.

“Do you think that’s just ironic now that you think about it? I loved getting my hands dirty with lead shavings and acrylics, but now I can barely touch something that I haven’t cleaned first.” Kankri had pulled himself back and was fiddling with the gloves on his lap, Cronus shaking his hands quickly in alarm.

“No! I think that dream was, uh, the dream you had when you were younger is always valid for your future path.” He tried to remain professional but it was easy to see that Kankri was disheartened by the answer, or maybe he was just thinking about how he couldn’t do something that he loved because of his phobia. “If anything, I think once we can control you fear together, you can pick up art again.”

It was worth it to see a peak of shyness, Kankri hiding his face by turning it to the side and nodding, thanking Cronus for the compliment. They spoke a bit more about Kankri’s past with his family and his goals before Cronus set the folder next to him on the colourful seat, setting the pen down too. “So, as for your exposure, you’ve acted on the first two on the list, how has it been?”

“Interesting, though I would be lying if I said I’ve done everything as you asked. Sometimes it’s too difficult, I need more support around certain areas.” The idea of him going alone on public transport, where anyone could bump into him with their dirty hands or maybe him falling onto a filthy bar that hadn’t been sanitised for months. It was making him sick just thinking about it.

Cronus was used to his patients needing extra attention to get through the more difficult exposure, speaking up to Kankri calmly, his eyes twinkling. “Don’t worry, if you need my support we could always make an appointment and do things together that you’re afraid of doing on your own. Should we start off small?”

“I’d like that.” Kankri peered across to his therapist and their eyes met, the emotion written between the two; both relief and anticipation to continue, was easy to see. With that, Cronus picked up his pen and held it out for Kankri to touch, sensing the hesitation. Using a soft smile, he reassured Kankri that he can wash his hands after if he really felt like he couldn’t hold out and the man reached out to take the pen. The ideas of where it had been before Cronus had gotten hold of it was racing through his mind but he tried his best to not think about it as he took it in his bare hands, grasping it tightly in a fist. It wasn’t like opening or closing windows without his gloves on, because this could have been in someone’s mouth or worse, pens are used way more and shared around, but Kankri held onto the pen and swapped it into his other hand before letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

Cronus was proud to see his patient doing so well with the exposure even if it was just a pen, it was all about the psychological issues he was having and so far Kankri had been moving along just as he had hoped. After taking his pen back, he stood up and stretched a little. “How about we go to the restaurant down the street? Exposing you to the outside world?”

Kankri was a bit set back by the offer but agreed, standing up as well and taking the sanitizer out of his bag before splurging some on his hands, rubbing the alcohol into his sore skin, slipping his clean gloves on once more. Cronus watched the little exchange going on but didn’t say anything because he knew it would be too soon before Kankri would be able to do anything outside of a controlled environment just yet, opening the door for him, the therapist led his patient down the stairs and outside, letting the receptionist know where they both were and when they’ll be back before opening the front door for Kankri once more. Something in his gut was twisting, creating a whirlpool of nervousness in his stomach. It was just a session but for Cronus it felt like a step towards what he wanted, being alone with Kankri in a more comfortable area, and possible that the man could get closer to him. He’s kept it down for the first couple of sessions but it was no secret that he had something for the man, glancing over as Kankri followed him to the restaurant almost like a lost duckling. He just wanted to reach over and hold those scarred hands and swing them in the cool air, mentally slapping himself because bodily contact is still a big fear for Kankri and he certainly didn’t want to scare him off before he even did anything.

They arrived at the small café, the door jingling as they entered and Cronus waved at the staff that knew him, going over to his regular table and having a seat. Kankri was in awe at the way the style just blends into the room, the happy vibes and the colors aren’t too bright or too over the top, they mesh into each other to give off a roomy feel to it. He sat down opposite his therapist but kept his hands on his lap on instinct, watching the young waitress come over as greet them both as Cronus ordered his usual coffee and a slice of strawberry cheesecake, peering up to Kankri. “What would you like? I’m paying.”

“Oh I’ll just have a tea, thank you. Two sugars, please.” He spoke politely but kept his head down on his lap, not really that good at communicating with strangers. The thought of what they were doing with their hands all day unnerved him, and most of the time when you meet new people the curtesy would be to shake their hand. It still sickened him to think about that. The waitress walked away once she got her orders and Kankri relaxed back on his chair, looking over at his therapist. “Is this like a meeting place for your patients?”

“Yeah sorta, I come here when I feel that they need some pushing to continue. Or too relax. Speaking of, can you take your gloves off? If you can’t then it’s alright.” Cronus edged a little and Kankri nodded at the challenge and started to tug at his gloves, peeling them off and peering down at the table in nervousness.

“Has this been washed?” He didn’t want to put something of his onto an unclean surface, or having any kind of food on the table, just in case it was covered in bacteria. Ugh, just the thought of it was making him want to put his gloves back on but he resisted because he didn’t want to be his disorder anymore. He wanted to get better.

Cronus slid a napkin over to Kankri, knowing that it might help and smiled when the man used it, folding his gloves neatly on it and nodded his thanks. They continued to speak about Kankri’s life, pausing a moment while the waitress set their orders down on the table, it was mostly good things that were said but some things made Cronus wish he had his notebook with him to jot this down, trying to remember all of this for later. After sucking the family life well dry, they went onto what Kankri’s work; what he did and why he started it. Kankri explained that he was a businessman and didn’t want to do it but it brought in good money, which helps him out in the long run. “Isn’t it better to do something you love though? Like your art?”

 “I love art, I know it would be hard for me to deal with because of my whole…” He waved at himself in general, Cronus nodded, scooping some of the cheesecake onto his fork and bringing it to his mouth. The food here really was his favourite, Kankri thought for a moment about buying something the next time they come. “But if I went off in the world of art, and came up short with little to no money then I wouldn’t have a healthy life that I want.”

“So you love money more than your own happiness, is that what you’re saying?”

“No, that’s not… I don’t know what I want anymore, to be honest.” Kankri let out a sigh as he sipped from his sweet tea, letting out a huff of exhaustion. He would rub his face out of habit but realised his hands were unclean, grimacing and just letting them grip the cup of tea. It sounded like he was pathetic, and tried to explain to Cronus about what he just said but the look on his therapist’s face said that he already knew what Kankri was thinking.

“Well, I’m here now. To guide you however, wherever you want to go.” The small lift of Cronus’ lips were enough for Kankri, who nodded his thanks once more and leaned back in his chair as the other man finished his food, setting the empty cup on top of the plate with a content sigh. Kankri was almost finished with his drink as well, swallowing down the last drops and setting it on the table. The waitress came over after a moment to collect the dishes onto her tray, Cronus asking for the bill. “We will come back here next session, I think you’re more open to discussion when you’re distracted with your surroundings.” 

The bill was set down and Cronus paid for it before they stood up and started to leave, Kankri collecting his gloves and reaching into his bag once more for sanitizer. Frowning when he couldn’t find it, Cronus opening the door for his patient, hearing the bell jingle and glancing back to Kankri. “Coming?”

“I can’t find… I swore I had it in this pocket.” Setting the bag on the table, Kankri started to dig through his bag as neatly as he could, starting to feel the panic rising in his gut as he had no escape route to take out the germs on his hands. Why didn’t he keep a second bottle for these moments? His breathing started to labour, his hands felt like they were on fire, filled to the brim with filth and he couldn’t wipe it off, he couldn’t wash his hands. He needed to clean them. He was dirty. “I can’t.”

“Kankri, listen to me. You need to breathe.” It was like a switch, watching Kankri break down over some sanitizer, he wanted to touch the man to ground him but he knew it would just make things worse. The man was starting to hyperventilate, his eyes glazing over as he dug through his bag for the third time. “You left it in my room.”

The smaller man’s head jolted up at his therapist, dazed eyes narrowing as he slid his hands out of his bag, which would have to be cleaned thoroughly when he got home. Disgusting, the idea of his dirty hands rummaging through his belongings without any protection. “I did? Why, why would I do that?”

Cronus continued to watch Kankri’s chest heave. He needed to know what the man would be like when it came to all conditions but this was heart breaking, everyone makes mistakes and he told the other man such, but it only served to be a hindrance to hear. Kankri sat down on a chair, hands gripping the knees of his trousers tightly as he attempted to calm his breathing, all he could hear was the sound of his father’s disappointed voice, this was a mistake, he made a mistake _again_. Cronus kneeled down in front of his patient and spoke calmly in order to help, but he was too cooped up in his own head to hear the man. “This hasn’t happened before. He was right, I’m such a failure.”

“You’re not a failure. It’s alright, just breathe for me; in through your nose, out through your mouth.” There’s nothing he wanted more than to grip those scarred hands and grip them tight, tell him everything was going to be okay because he was there now, and he was going to take care of Kankri. Not knowing what he meant by saying who was right but it was something he could return to in later sessions. Checking out the other man’s face, he could tell it was going to be harder and called back to the staff to bring out antiseptic wipes. He made sure the restaurant had them on hand whenever he would have an emergency like this occur. An older waitress came out with the whole box and set it on the table, Cronus taking it and opening it up. “You wanted to clean your hands, it’s alright.”

He felt like such a disappointment, everything he was doing. He wanted to carry on without having to destroy his hands with alcohol, he wanted to touch things that hadn’t been washed several times before, he wanted to be normal. He couldn’t even do that, and so he gripped the wipe peeking out of the container, scrunching it in his fist before scrubbing the chapped and raw skin on his hands. It hurt, of course it did. But something inside his mind told him it would be alright, he could rub his hands sore if it would get all of the germs off them. He kept rubbing them, not caring if they started to hurt, that the alcohol went into the already formed wounds and made things worse.

Cronus cared though and set the container to the side and frowned deeply, speaking up a little to grab Kankri’s attention. “You can stop now, you’re all clean. You’re going to harm yourself.”

It didn’t matter if it hurt, he wasn’t clean enough. He was filthy, all over. He needed a shower, needed to scrub every cell of his body clean of the outside world, right now.

“Kankri, can you hear me?” He knew something was trying to connect with him but right now he just couldn’t take it, couldn’t handle anything. He kept wiping his hands, already red from over working them. Cronus knew he couldn’t let this continue, he put Kankri into his mess and he was going to make sure that the man was stable once more.  Grabbing a wipe of his own, he cleaned his hands thoroughly and bundled it up into a ball in his fist before reaching forward and gripping Kankri’s hands for the first time. His hands were warm, probably from over exertion, but he held firm when the other man flinched back. “Listen to my voice, Kankri. You need to calm down. Breathe with me.”

Someone’s hands were touching his. He hadn’t felt someone’s touch in such a long time he forgot how it actually felt, peering down at their connected fingers. The wipe in Cronus’ hand was enough for him to know that at least the man sterilized his hands before reaching out for him. His hands were cold, but soft, they were nothing like his at all. His were chapped and he thought he saw blood from cracked skin, he would have to clean it properly later, put another bandaid onto it.

For now, he could feel the grip on his hands; warm, clean and strong willed enough for him to breathe with Cronus, in through the nose and out through the mouth, the other man counting softly to aid him back to a more relaxed state. They counted down together after a while, Kankri letting out a much needed breath as he finally calmed down. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, it’s my job.” Cronus let out a soft chuckle and stood up with Kankri, their hands still connected until he handed over the gloves, letting his supporting grip go. Kankri was almost saddened at the loss of cold hands on his warm ones but he slipped on his gloves, his brain didn’t forget the feeling of someone else’s skin on his, the chill still settling on his hands from Cronus’. They left together after his therapist had thanked the café’s assistance and gave back the sanitary wipes, opening the door for Kankri and headed back to the building. While they made their way, both of the men had small talk, mostly about how Kankri was feeling, then when Cronus’ noticed that the brunette was a little frazzled from his panic attack, the conversation headed to a lighter area about the weather and how there were little to no people wandering around this time of day.

They arrived back at the clinic in short time, marching back up the stairs to Cronus’ appointment room so Kankri could collect his things and fully calm down before he would leave. Thanking is therapist again, Kankri slipped on a fresh new pair of gloves from his bag after cleaning his hands once more with sanitizer just in case any germs were left on his raw hands. Much to Cronus’ disappointment, but he knew that his patient wouldn’t be healed after just a few visits into the exposure, and so didn’t say anything.

Instead, he sat down and wrote down the events of the days outing, glancing down at the list made on the first session they had together. They then spoke about the next therapy session, picking out the date that best suits them both, Kankri’s eyes downcast as he spoke, it’s no surprise that the man was let down from his meeting today. Cronus tried to cheer him up without sounding too unprofessional; he wanted to get on Kankri’s good side, be friendly so if he stops being his patient then there could be lee way he could slide in. “You’ve completed the first two on your list; taking your gloves off in public and opening the door and windows with your bare hands. Even though you feel like you’re not getting through anything, you’re doing very well. Keep trying your hardest, next session we will be going shopping together and we will be buying you a phone, maybe going on public transport. How do you feel about that?”

Kankri blanched at the thought of having to go through two difficult subjects on his list. The idea of him going on a bus or a train with other people who could have disease, the handles probably have never been cleaned and people have, ugh, _touched_ them with germ infested hands. What if someone coughs near him? Or worse, _sneezes_? “I’m unsure. But we will see, it’s all in my stride, right?”

“Precisely, and who knows? Maybe after going on something that you fear so much, you may be able to take off your gloves full time?”

“Cronus, don’t make me laugh.” Kankri lifted his bag over his shoulder with a slight giggle, he’s been living with gloves on for years, it’s a part of his daily routine now, and he doesn’t know anything else other than this.

“But the shopping sounds fun right? I’ll be there with you every step of the way.” Cronus chuckles and stood up, opening the door for his patient with one of his flirtatious smiles. Of course, Kankri doesn’t know anything about flirting and just sees it as a friendly gesture, thanking his therapist and striding out into the hallway once he has all of his belongings with him.

“I’m looking forward to it.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wait, things have been a little hectic at the moment. Merry Xmas everyone!! (If you don't celebrate xmas then just have a nice day!)

“So what’s been getting through your ‘cool, calm collected, don’t touch me’ physique?” Porrim’s voice invaded Kankri’s mind, making him snap out of whatever daze he was in before. They were on their break; their office thankfully had a kitchen for them to enjoy coffee and whatever lunch they brought in if they could attempt to fit it in the small fridge provided. Kankri lifted his head and let out a sigh because he knew this was going to happen; nobody could hide anything from Porrim’s all-seeing eyes. He’d been trying to avoid his only friend in the business simply because of this fact, but she always found him. “Come on, you can tell me.”

“Porrim please, there’s nothing to discuss.” Kankri sipped from his mug, he would always bring a cup from home and never let it out of his sight because he didn’t want to think about someone accidently using it. Or what if someone had sneezed and then grabbed his mug? _Don’t think of things like that, Kankri._ _Focus on what Cronus has said to you about these intrusive thoughts._

Porrim turned her head to scoff, her perfectly manicured fingernails tapping against the counter she leant against. “Kankri, I can see it radiating off you from a mile away. You’re smitten.”

He couldn’t stop himself from choking on his mouthful of coffee, quickly pulling his handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe at his mouth. Of all the things Porrim could have said, he didn’t expect her to come out with _that_. She didn’t seem bothered about Kankri’s minor coughing fit as she continued to speak animatedly, eyes bright with mischief. “You know, I think it would be good for your condition to get out there and date someone. Find ways to open yourself up and let them help you out of your shell.”

“Porrim, you don’t. That’s not. I’m not infatuated with anyone.” Kankri tried to speak over his friend but she was on a roll now, he couldn’t stop her once she started he just stood and waited patiently. They’d been friends for almost five years now; it was crazy to see all the time as it went by so fast. Porrim was a good friend to him, the first one in his workplace to give him some slack about his phobia and stand up for him when others tried to push him around. He could always count on her to be there when he was struggling in some way, the first person he ever told that he was bisexual, the first person he allowed to touch him – although very briefly and he washed his arm thoroughly afterwards – which was a huge step in their friendship.

She never pushed him into doing anything, when he told her about his phobia she did intense research about it and it provided them both with information about how she could help, even if it’s just a little. He was always thankful for that. He lifted his eyes to Porrim’s hazel ones, chuckling when she let out a huff. “Point is, you like someone and I want to know who.”

“Are you finished?” Kankri stated sassily, to which Porrim replied with crossing her arms over her ample chest. “As I was saying, I’m not infatuated with anyone.”

“Uh huh, I don’t believe that for a second.” Kankri sipped his tea and turned to leave the office’s kitchen, waving a gloved hand over his head as Porrim raised her voice to get the final word. “I’ll find out! Mark my words!”

The man strode back to his little cubicle and sat down on the wheelie chair, setting his mug on the placemat and getting back to his work, typing effortlessly on his laptop. He did love Porrim; she was a breath of fresh air in this stuffy office, he always thought she should have done something else with her life though because she was certainly capable of more. But he wouldn’t deny that once she was serious about a business expedition, she would get the job done better than everyone else. Porrim was the best researcher in the building hands down.

Which did worry Kankri for a moment, thinking back on their one sided conversation, Porrim already knows he’s going to a therapist about his condition and she knows he doesn’t speak to many people. With the process of elimination, Porrim would probably narrow it down by the end of the work day. He stopped typing as his mind went wild for a moment before he went blank.

Wait a moment.

What was he saying? He didn’t like anyone sexually or romantically. Why was he thinking so hard about this, Porrim has definitely wound him up the wrong way.

“Just focus on the task at hand, Kankri.” He spoke to himself quietly, glancing over at the calendar neatly hanging on one of his cubicle walls, with dates and times that assignments had to be given in, and meeting arrangements. There was also a little ring around tomorrow’s date. Ah yes, he’s seeing Cronus tomorrow and they’re going to go on public transport together to the mall, where he would buy a phone.

His forehead started to perspire, panicking about it now. He had to breathe, no use giving in to the anxiety that fuck, he was going to go on a public transport for the first time in over a decade. Yes he’s been in a taxi for his business trips but a taxi had only him and the driver at any given time, so there wasn’t need for him to stress about who was going to touch him, he just had to not think about who was sitting in the seat before him. With public transport, a bus, a train, anyone could bump into him or cough near him. Oh the germs, buses don’t get cleaned daily, trains probably don’t either.

 _Don’t think about it for now Kankri. Don’t think about the filth you’re voluntarily walking into tomorrow. Cronus will be with you every step of the way, you won’t be alone_.

Breathe.

Kankri let a deep breath out and leaned back in his wheelie chair. He was so screwed. He could call the therapist’s office and say he can’t do tomorrow, but that would just delay the inevitable. He wouldn’t be pushing himself out of his comfort zone and that would defeat the purpose of exposure therapy. He could do this. He _will_ be doing this, with Cronus.

His stomach fluttered and he didn’t know why, Porrim must have seeded something into his brain, he didn’t need to get butterflies right now. Taking a gulp of his tea, Kankri got back to work on his newest assignment and tried to ignore the impending doom hanging over his head.

 

\--

 

He wasn’t refreshed for today; all night he was worrying about having another panic attack while touching things that were dirty, that Cronus wouldn’t be there to help him. In the end, he passed out at four in the morning from exhaustion. Five hours sleep was hardly enough for him. Still, he made his way to the therapy building dressed in his thickest clothes and a health mask that covered his mouth and nose. He wasn’t going to let any germs get into his body, not if he could help it.

He made his arrival with the receptionist and waited in the colourful room, marvelling at the painting designs until Cronus came to retrieve him. It occurred to Kankri while he stood there, that he never took times to appreciate the little things that he saw every day, like a painting, no matter how little it was appreciated in its daily life. While he was going about his routine and forgetting everything new in order to keep up to the pace of his own life, he was forgetting the beauty of creators. The effort that an artist has put into things like a painting; hours, days, even weeks into creating a single piece that they’re proud of. Kankri would know, he did it once too, not professionally but enough to understand how hard it is.

He remembered what his father told him when he had presented his best drawing to him. _You’re not going to continue pursuing this, focus on your studies._ It had taken everything in Kankri’s power not to fight with him, what could he do after that? He was a teenager, one without a job or proper qualifications, so he couldn’t leave the church and buy an apartment somewhere and continue creating art for the rest of his life. Listening to his father and obeying was what he could do, it was easier too and it would let him stay in a house being fed and being educated until he could work at his father’s side.

Looking at this painting now, Kankri wonders why he ever gave up, why he didn’t just fight with his father and do what he wanted to do. It would have been hard, but it would have been something he was passionate about and that would have been enough. Maybe if he went down that road, he might not have gotten this phobia. But then as fate would have it, if he didn’t have this phobia then he wouldn’t have met Porrim, or Cronus.

“Kankri, I see you’re prepared for our little outing today.” Cronus chuckled to himself as he strode to his patient, wearing that smooth smile as always. Kankri couldn’t help but flush in embarrassment.

“Is it too much? I didn’t want to be touched.” He felt awkward and overdressed now, but Cronus assured him that he looked just fine. With time, he wouldn’t have to wear so much, because he would be in control of his phobia and not the other way around. They left the building with Cronus mentioning to the receptionist where they were going, heading down the street. “Are we catching a bus or a train?”

“The train, it’s nearing the end of the school so there will be lots of children getting on the bus. I thought that would make you very sensitive, I hope the train is okay?” Kankri looked over to Cronus like a savior, out of the two that was chosen, he dreaded the bus. Maybe it was just because Cronus was a trained therapist but it was like he knew everything he was thinking, it only made things easier for him to cope. “But we’re getting the bus back here, so you get both the experiences.”

Nevermind, he took that back. This man was wicked.

The train station wasn’t that far off from Cronus’ work but they arrived way too early. It gave Kankri a sense of relief that they wouldn’t have to get on in a hurry; he could build what little confidence he had in attempt to not run away with his tail between his legs. Sitting on the bench, they kept to light conversation while the electric clock ticked above them with the places that the train would lead them. It was nice, domestic. Kankri didn’t feel rushed or uncomfortable when he was with Cronus, the words just flowed between them and it was easy to make the other man laugh, those dimples indenting his almost porcelain skin. Cronus was clean, his smile was perfectly neat and his fingernails always filed down, his clothes always ironed and pristine. Perhaps it was to appease his clients’ needs but Kankri felt special that Cronus took time to make himself look presentable and dare he say it, handsome.

When he glanced over at Cronus once more, that strange feeling in his stomach from his office started up again. He tried rubbing it but the coiling never went away, was it nerves? Some kind of anxiety that was so intense that it began to show a physical form?

Or maybe it was something that he wouldn’t say out loud, won’t even think about it in his head because doing it and projecting it out into the world, out to Cronus, out to _himself_ , was too frightening.

_Train will be arriving shortly, when crossing onto the train, please mind the gap._

Kankri’s heart sank into his gut, sending him into a spiral of nerves. “Oh goodness, I don’t think I can do this.”

If it wasn’t for Cronus, he wouldn’t have gotten onto that train. It took a moment to get his bearings but as the train came in and slowed down to a halt, the doors opening automatically and people filing in, Cronus stood up and held his hand out for Kankri to grab for support. Without even thinking about what had been on his therapist’s hand, he had grabbed it and held onto it tightly as they stepped into the train. Cronus was mindful to stay in the archway of the doors entrance so they could get off without bumping into people on the way out. Though as the overhead announcer spoke that the doors were closing, slipping shut with a soft hiss, he began to think that maybe Kankri would rather sit down, maybe it would “Do you want to sit down or do you prefer to stand?”

“Oh uh, I suppose it would be safer to stand. I don’t know what people have done with the seats or who might get behind me, or touch me accidently if I sit down.” Kankri mumbled so only Cronus could hear. They stayed together with a little space between them, Kankri didn’t want to get too close and breathe the same air that his therapist exhaled. It worked better this way; Kankri in the corner while the train moved, with Cronus staying in front of him with one hand touching the railing, he would be able to protect himself if someone fell or knocked him, Cronus would also be in the firing zone if someone were to cough or sneeze near him. He still didn’t feel comfortable with touching a railing and so he reached forward, grabbing Cronus’ shirt with a flush on his cheeks.

Luckily Cronus didn’t say anything, probably understanding why he did it. Nothing happened to them, and Kankri was too conscious of doing anything to embarrass himself in front of his therapist to care about the germs that might have been on his clothes or gloves. It wasn’t long until they arrived at the correct station, stepping out before anyone could come in and nudge them. Unfortunately, Kankri had to let go of Cronus to walk, and it was strange to say that he was slightly let down about that, something in him wanted to breathe in that clean smell, the heat of another person melting into his gloved palms and let them into his personal bubble. He hadn’t thought about this for years, he’d never had a relationship that turned serious because of hi phobia in touching the other person. Now a part of him saw hope that he would be able to do anything with a partner.

 The town was very busy and Kankri sunk into his shell once more, keeping a close proximity to the other man as much as possible without touching him. They kept to the topic at hand; getting a phone for Kankri, speaking about the public transport that they went on and how it felt for Kankri to handle. “I suppose it was alright, I didn’t panic as much as I thought I would.”

“You did just fine, I’m very proud of you.” Cronus smiled with those perfect dimples again as they entered the mall, dodging someone running by. It almost made him bump into Kankri and while that wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen, it probably would make his client very nervous. “It’s busier than I thought, sorry.”

“I would have to deal with it eventually; I’m glad that you’re here with me.” He honestly didn’t like being in such crowded areas like a mall because of that reason, people were assholes and didn’t care one bit about another person’s well-being or what they’re going through. They just care about what they’re there for, buying things, meeting people, and of course working.

“So what kind of phone do you want? IPhone? Samsung? _Nokia_?” Cronus asked, chuckling as they entered the shop. The first thing that Kankri noticed was how organised it all was; there were phones on tables stuck to chords, and some on walls also attached to wires in the walls. Things were neat and tidy, just what Kankri liked and with that he didn’t want to change anything about the shop, maybe just clean it a little to keep it sanitary. _No Kankri, don’t think like that, focus on why you are here._

“Why don’t we just have a look around, I don’t want anything too flashy.” Cronus agreed and they walked around the tables inspecting what each phone had to offer, Kankri even touched a few of them to get the feel of how it would work in his hands. Something in his gut flared when he saw Cronus’ proud smile, like making his therapist was the only thing that mattered in his eyes. He found something on the third table they went round; it wasn’t one of those flashy high tech phones, yet it was still up with the times so he wouldn’t have to get a new one any time soon. Picking it up, he found that it was a touch screen and could even have a couple of apps if he wanted to, not like he did but the option was there, along with having photos and music. All he wanted was a big enough phone for him to see what he was typing to his contacts and calling people.

Cronus let Kankri go about the shop at his own time, following along behind him and giving him advice on the phone they were looking at if he knew anything about it. In truth, he was so happy Kankri wasn’t over analysing anything about their little mission today; he wanted to call it a date but he knew that it was too close to being a break in the contract of patient confidentiality. He wanted to keep Kankri as long as he could, but he also wanted his patient to get better and get on with his life without the fear of germs holding him down. He observed those caramel eyes take in the sights of the store, reading the information about the phones. It wasn’t much but for this short time he had with Kankri, he knew he never wanted it to end.

It seems he was so much in a daze that he didn’t hear Kankri talking to him until the man was turned and waving a gloved hand in front of his face. “Cronus?”

“Huh?”

Kankri couldn’t help but chuckle at the way Cronus’ eyes sharpened on the empty packet of an Alcatel phone case in his hand, waving it a little for emphasis. “I’ve chosen what I want. Are you quite alright?”

“Oh, yeah I’m just fine no need to worry about me, doll face. Let’s go queue.” The moment he said the pet name he couldn’t help but let blood rush to his cheeks, but Kankri didn’t seem to mind. In fact he appeared almost pleased, a pink blush also fluttering behind his freckles. He led Kankri over to the small line of shoppers with their own items, having small talk while the lady behind the desk worked to get happy customers out the door. Once it was their turn to get checked, Kankri was a little nervous, holding a credit card in his shaking hand, Cronus noticed the way he was staring every time the woman touched the box and then went to collect the actual phone case. He wanted to joke that they didn’t trust their customers enough but it didn’t feel right to laugh when Kankri was concentrating hard on his list. The woman came back with an apology for the delay, scanning the case and bagging it as Kankri hesitated with the card swiping. “It’s alright, only you have touched that card, and you have gloves on. No germs are going to get your hands dirty.”

With that, Kankri relaxed and was able to swipe his card, cringing when he touched the buttons to type out his pin code and was quick to step away, breathing out in much needed relief. Cronus took the bag from the lady with a smile and they left together, checking his watch and nodding to himself because they had more than enough time to catch the bus and if they missed it then another bus came around an hour later. They chatted as they strolled through the mall, talking about anything that popped into their heads at the time. If anything, Kankri would deem it as a magical moment, they walked closely together and Cronus swung the shopping bag back and forth with every step.

Kankr didn’t want this to end, he loved spending time with Cronus like this; it didn’t feel like he was a client to Cronus, more on a friendly side of things. Being with Cronus, he could act like himself and not be afraid that someone would find him strange if he refused to touch something because it was open for others to do the same and he didn’t want to get any bacteria close to his proximity. It wasn’t like being with Porrim either, although she knew about his phobia, she still let herself go wild around him which partly amused him as well as made him wary about what she would touch and then touch him accidently. Cronus was something special, and watching him talk so passionately about his job, hobbies and family, riled him up. He didn’t want it to end. “Cronus, wait.”

Cronus paused his monologue about his brother’s sleeping habits to glance over at Kankri, eyebrow raised in question. Now that he stopped his therapist, he didn’t know what to say, blubbering awkwardly in the walkway of the mall. “I don’t want, I just think that. We didn’t finish the other day.”

“Other day?”

“At the restaurant. I didn’t eat anything, it’s on my list. I want to try, I think I can try.” Kankri couldn’t look at Cronus’ face, keeping his eyes on the dirty tiled floor. It was like a silent plea for their day not to be finished after it’s just started. With his eyes on the ground, he missed the way Cronus’ face softened and his mouth twist into a gentle beam.

Turning his head to find the nearest restaurant that he thought would be clean enough for Kankri’s standards, Cronus spoke softly. “’I don’t want’ either. Let’s go over there, my treat.”

The brunette couldn’t lift his head fast enough, following his therapist leading the way to a cute café, with not many tables so they wouldn’t be swamped with people near them, and the café was mostly empty, leaving them to an advantage. Cronus let Kankri choose where they were going to sit as he went up to the front where the desk was, speaking to the ladies on duty at the time. He chose the small table in the corner with two chairs seated opposite each other, taking the one in the corner so he could keep an eye on anything in the café. He witnessed Cronus making one of the ladies at the desk giggle and his chest tightened with a twinge of jealously; he must be flirting with that girl while he sits here helpless, not like he can do anything about it, they aren’t together, and he doesn’t even know Cronus’ sexual orientation. Still, they had a moment back then in the shop, he’s sure of it.

Cronus waltzed back to the seat and sat down with a grin, setting the bag down by his feet. “I spoke with the girls about your condition and they said to take your time with anything you need.”

“Huh, is that why they were laughing?” Kankri didn’t want it to ruin his mood but it was already spoiled the moment that lady’s squeaky little giggle entered his ears. Crossing his arms over his chest, he let out a huff, glancing over at the front desk again to the women working an order for another customer.

Cronus frowned at Kankri’s shut down actions, not knowing where the standoffish attitude came from when it hit him that yes, he made the girl laugh when he said a joke to ease the tension and let the questions flow. Kankri must have thought that he was making fun of his client to impress the girl, or it could be that Kankri didn’t like it that he was making someone else happy while he was waiting? Probably the former. “I just said a joke to her, don’t worry. She is totally on board with helping you.”

“Oh I bet she is.” Even with the explanation, Kankri couldn’t help the foul taste in his mouth. He would blame it on the food but he hasn’t ordered anything, so he had to target the jealousy bubbling in his throat. Still, he had his list set and he wanted to finish the sixth; eating food that isn’t made by him, more likely a restaurant and no girl was going to ruin that for him. He relaxed into the seat and looked at the menu that was open on the table, choosing something that the people wouldn’t have touched too much, like a cupcake or a cookie. Instead, Kankri chose a smoothie and a slice of pie since he was a little hungry anyway.

The girl walked over and kept her distance like Cronus had asked, flipping out her pad and pen with a smile, writing down Cronus’ order of a coffee and a chicken sandwich, and Kankri’s for a slice of apple pie and a strawberry smoothie. After that, she walked away and the younger man breathed out a sigh of relief that he didn’t hesitate, glancing over at his therapist’s proud face. “What?”

“You, that was amazing. You’re so confident.” Cronus folded up the two menus and set them on the side, leaning on his elbows as he faced Kankri with a grin. Everything about Kankri right now was amazing; with the way the lights hit him through the window, highlighting his perfectly neat chocolate hair or the way his eyes shone when he was praised, like a child who just got told that he’s going to Disney Land. That flush of his cheeks was enough to bring a chuckle up from Cronus’ chest, he was just _amazing_. “And now you’re acting so shy.”

“I cannot help it, you just complimented me.” He couldn’t face Cronus anymore and turned his head to peek outside the window at the shoppers walking outside with their many bags and loud children. Kankri didn’t know how to handle someone being so kind to him, paying attention only to him any letting the conversation flow easily without any kind of force. When he talks to people, they go off about a certain subject and don’t let him speak; they don’t want someone like _him_ to discuss their problems to.

Cronus watched Kankri squirm in his seat, grinning to himself and leaning back when the lady came back over with their order, setting it down on the table and collecting the menus. “It’s because you’re worth complimenting.”

Kankri couldn’t speak now, because it was the time where he had to eat or drink something. Show time. The slice of pie really did look like it was something off of a television show, it made his mouth water. But at the same time it made him want to vomit because he didn’t know where it had been; someone could have prepared it with dirty hands, therefore making the pie full of germs. Or it could have been stored in an area that hadn’t been cleaned thoroughly, leaving it open to also getting covered in filth. He glanced over at Cronus who was sipping his coffee, taking his time.

Reaching forward, Kankri picked up the fork provided and just held it in his hand as he gazed at the pie. He could do this, it was a piece of food and he should be better than this instead of fearing over some germs that probably didn’t exist. He could do this. He will at least try, stabbing the pie and scooping up a little on his fork he gulped and gazed over at Cronus who was chewing a mouthful of his chicken sandwich. Lifting up the forkful to his mouth, Kankri shut his eyes tight, hesitating when it touched his lips, the warmth radiating off of the pie brought up images of infection and how heated bacteria could reproduce faster, and he would be putting that into his mouth.

“It’s alright, Kankri. You’ve got this.” Cronus was right; he had this in the bag. It was a pie. He was over thinking things again. Those words ran around in his head and it was all the motivation he needed. Before another thought flew into his head he stuffed the forkful into his mouth and started chewing. Cronus cheered quietly with a proud smile but Kankri couldn’t see that at the moment, his shut eyes forcing away the invading ideas that what he just put into his mouth willingly was a dirt bomb. Finally he swallowed it down thickly and breathed out, opening his eyes to Cronus’ bright gleam of perfect teeth and wide, excited eyes. “You did it! I’m so proud of you!”

It was like a giant milestone for him because once he’d eaten one bite, what would another do? And so he continued to eat the pie, albeit rather slowly and still hesitating at times. He even tried out the smoothie when his mouth was dry, which made Cronus almost mad with glee. They spoke while they ate, enjoying each other’s company once more with colourful conversation about anything that popped into their heads at the time.

Kankri finished the pie and kept sipping his smoothie while Cronus set his finished cup on the empty plate, reaching into his wallet and paying for their meals, adding a tip for the lady to collect because she was a star today. At first, Kankri was very against having a straw, but then it was worse having to drink directly from the disposable cup and the straw was at least packaged. “Ready to go? We have to catch the bus, but take your time.”

“Huh? Oh, yes of course. Am I allowed to bring this with me?” Kankri looked at the cup, shaking it a little to see how much of it was left. Cronus shrugged; it was disposable so they could buy more in bulk and he rather enjoyed watching Kankri suck the strawberry smoothie through a purple straw.

“I don’t see why not.”

They left the café with smoothie and shopping bag in hand, Cronus checking his watch for the time again. They had enough to get to the bus without rushing, a comfortable walk at best. Leaving the mall, Cronus observed the way that Kankri avoided people when they came too near, his body physically arching away from a stranger when they didn’t stop moving toward him. He had a lot to work with if he was going to help his client get over the fear of what germs someone else might have. But still, today was a tremendous milestone for him because he got to eat something that he didn’t make, he bought a phone, though he doesn’t know why that would have been considered a problem on the list. He also got on public transport twice if they made it to the bus on time, getting to the station and standing around, Kankri didn’t want to sit down when there would be so many people who have been on it before, throwing his smoothie in the bin nearby and rushing away before any of the germs could magically come out of the trash can and latch onto him.

The bus came ten minutes later, people stepping up the small walkway before getting to their seats. It was a late day and it was that time when people would be leaving the mall like Cronus and Kankri, and getting in their cars or on a bus and train to their homes, with giant bags of shopping. Kankri got up in the bus, staying close to his therapist, he knew Cronus and where he had been which was a lot more than he could say for the other people on this bus. It was a bumpy road and Kankri didn’t want to hold onto anything, nor did he want to sit down so he was trying to find some ground with a surfer position.

That was until the bus went round a corner, tilting Kankri’s position until he couldn’t stay upright without any help, falling into Cronus’ chest and holding onto his shirt so his therapist had to support them both. At first it didn’t affect them both, just a little surprise but then it hit Cronus that Kankri was on his chest, leaning on him.

 _Kankri was touching him_.

He didn’t want to say anything because he wanted this moment to last forever, _Kankri_ was touching him. Kankri’s hands were on his clothes, his face in the same proximity with those blushing freckles and sparkly eyes and luscious lips. Anything could nudge them closer, but he wouldn’t do that. Kankri was in a sensitive stage and it wouldn’t be right for him to take advantage of it. Though he couldn’t help himself from inhaling that sweet cinnamon that always seemed to follow the smaller man along, if anything he could take that delicious scent and keep it in his mind for when he was alone.

They stayed together in that position until they arrived at their station; Cronus holding onto the pole and keeping them both upright while Kankri would have a tight hold on Cronus’ shirt. Getting off was easier since no one seemed to get off at their bus stop, stepping out of the bus and walking to the building. He wasn’t going to lie; he did miss not being able to feel Kankri hold onto him anymore, using him as a weight while he tried to mentally and physically stabilize himself. “Did you have a fun time?”

Kankri had his hands stuffed into his coat pockets, thinking about the day with a soft smile. He could honestly say without a doubt that this was the best day he’s had since he found out about his phobia; Cronus has been so kind to him, hasn’t pushed him and doesn’t complain about anything he may or may not have done. He’s sweet and kind hearted, even though it’s his job as a therapist, he could have done something that wasn’t as entertaining. He was fun to be around. He was open to anything Kankri talks about and does and maybe it was over the top but he couldn’t stop the clench in his chest. “Oh yes, I loved today. I wish we could do it again.”

Cronus’ head zipped to the other man as they came closer to his work building, he couldn’t have heard Kankri right. He had a chance here, if he wasn’t a client Cronus would be in there fast. He had to take this slow and wait until Kankri was out of his care and then he could be _into his care_.

 _If you catch his drift_. “We could, you know. If you wanted to.”

“I don’t want to put you out.” Kankri started but Cronus stopped him with a wave of his hand, saying it was really no trouble. “Alright, I’ll call the receptionist about another appointment.”

“Or! Or.” Cronus interrupted, halting in his stride because he was on a roll now, Kankri must be interested in him if he was going to this length just to have another day out with him. Kankri stopped walking too and raised his eyebrow, his puffed up coat making him appear so miniature it was adorable. “How about I give you my number, so I can be the first person in your phone, then you can text me whenever you want, doll face.”

Kankri’s face reddened once again, he’s lost count with the amount of times he has blushed today. Was Cronus saying that he thinks he’s saying? He learned through romance novels and movies that giving out your number to someone was a sure way of showing that you’re interested in them in an intimate way, it didn’t help the tightening over his chest, lungs aching as he just nodded. Cronus grinned like an excited child as he reached into his pocket to take out a small notepad he keeps on his person when he goes out with a client, writing down his number and ripping it off before handing it over along with the shopping bag containing his brand new phone. “Call me or text me any time.”

Kankri paused a moment before taking it, looking at the number written down in messy writing. He didn’t expect Cronus to have fancy neat handwriting, it fit his personality to be slightly out of control when he wrote or spoke. Taking the bag and pocketing the number, they said their goodbyes and Kankri set off to the walk back home. He could do this, Cronus had feelings for him from what he knew of and he was getting better; three things completed off his list today.

Now, if only he knew how to work a phone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys, I'm going through personal problems at the moment. But! To make up with that, have some feelings.

Since their last exposure session, Cronus and Kankri had been texting nonstop. It took Kankri a while to fully understand how to open the packaging of the phone and fit everything into place, it was all so fiddly and tiny so Kankri had to read the instructions countless times, even getting help from online websites. He gave up after an hour, too fed up to even begin right then. But with an hour to calm down with a cup of tea, he returned and found out it was much easier to figure it out once he had a clearer head.

Charging it was another thing that frustrated him because he had to wait for ages until the light flashed on with a happy little wake up tune. Then he had to put everything up to his standards; time zones, what day it was, the area he was in before he even got to plugging Cronus’ number into the phone, saving it with a reluctant sigh. Two hours. It took two hours of stress, fumbling and anger until he could text his therapist saying who it was from so the other man could get his number.

Checking his watch, he started dinner by washing all of his vegetables and making sure everything wasn’t out of date before preparing one of his favourite dishes; a chicken, broccoli and beetroot salad with avocado and lemon pesto. He thinks after completing today’s difficult tasks that he deserves to be treated a tasty meal. While letting the broccoli boil for a few minutes, Kankri heard a blip sound which alerted him for a moment, turning his head round to inspect where the sound came from when he noticed that his new phone was flashing at the top. That must be a text alert, meaning Cronus must have got his message and is politely replying with a thank you. Washing his hands, the man collected up his phone to read his therapists text.

**From Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_you took ages! i wvas wvorried that you lost my number or just didnt wvant me in your phone._**

**To Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_I w9uldn’t d9 that t9 my therapist. It’s imp9rtant that I keep in t9uch with y9u f9r app9intments 9r if plans change suddenly and we 69th cann9t get a h9ld 9f each 9ther quick en9ugh._ **

With that, Kankri set the phone down to continue with making his dinner, only getting to draining the broccoli before another blip sound radiated through the kitchen, making Kankri jolt. That didn’t even take two minutes, Cronus must have his mobile in hand or else he’s the type of person who quickly replies to his clients. Food was more important right now and so Kankri continued with his food, setting the vegetable in another pot with oil and seasoning while he brushed the chicken with the remainder of the mixture. Another beep came out of his phone and it made him flush with curiosity, surely they hadn’t much to say to each other, sure, they knew things about each other with the slight conversation they had over their date –.

No. No, it wasn’t a date. Don’t think like that Kankri.

Putting the chicken in the pot with the broccoli, Kankri washed his hands once again and picked up his phone to have a look at his fast typing therapist. Face reddening into a blush at the paragraph that Cronus had said to him before an extra reply.

**From Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_of course, youre a vwery smart guy Kankri. its one of the reasons wvhy i like you so much, youre one of the best clients i havwe. i just wanted to say howv proud i am of your effort today, you didnt havwe to do anything you didnt wvant to especially wvith the café but it didn’t evwen seem to faze you. i sawv that you looked happy wvhen you drank that strawvberry smoothie, is it your favworite fruit? not like i wvas staring or anything! Ha ha_ **

**From Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_you eat adorably by the wvay._**

Kankri’s face was on fire, Cronus basically stated that he’d been watching him while he ate and drank, was already making himself conscious; did he do something weird with his face to amuse Cronus? Or maybe he made a funny noise whenever he sipped from that infuriating straw. He didn’t want to ask, but the curiousity got to him as he read over the text again.

**To Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_Thank y9u f9r everything y9u did t9day, if y9u weren’t there I w9uldn’t have even 6een there t9 9verc9me my fears. Straw6erry is in fact 9ne 9f my fav9rite fruits. I’m sure y9u’re just saying that t9 make me feel 6etter, I must have l99ked weird while drinking 6ecause it sure felt strange to have something in my m9uth that I hadn’t made._ **

Looking back on that, he perhaps should have worded it differently. No matter, Cronus probably understood what he meant. Setting the mobile down for the second time, Kankri went about making his pesto. He cut the avocado and scooped out all of the useable parts, picking the basil leaves and leaving a coupe out for the topping while he put the rest into a bowl with the avocado. Squeezing lemon over it and began mixing it until it was a smooth texture. Kankri didn’t cook very often but when he did, he made sure everything on his worktop was perfectly clean and all of the food was in pristine condition. He didn’t do greasy foods like take away or easy meals that could just microwaveable; it was too risky for bacteria to set in.

No, he kept to easy foods that he could make in a short amount of time because the rest of his efforts could be used to finishing his workload and assignments that he had due. All the reports, business attachments and finances to complete were far too important to worry about than his diets. Most of the times with so much stress from work, he barely had time to actually eat dinner; just going to bed exhausted with his stomach growling. It wasn’t healthy, he knew that. Some days he wished he could just go out and buy a burger for a cheap area and stuff his face with a large set of fries, but he never knew what they did to them, and they were so filthy. The amount of grime that must have been on the fryers or worktops, _ugh_ , it was enough to put him off of eating out for the rest of his life. When he wanted to eat a meal to his own liking, he had to buy things that he knew didn’t have anything that could have too much bacteria in it, or hadn’t been touched beforehand, vegetables that could be washed thoroughly and meats that hadn’t any fat. Everything had to be perfect, which was why most of the time he ate food that was such a small quantities; food these days and its lack of knowledge of where it’s been before.

Meanwhile Cronus was ecstatic with the text he received, cheeks stuffed with quickly melting ice cream. He read the message over and over again; chuckling every time because Kankri totally fucked up that sentence, and knowing the man he probably didn’t mean it to sound so dirty. He was sitting in his living room with his legs crossed like a child on his leather couch, the sound of his television in the background wasn’t interesting enough compared to talking to Kankri. Neither was the cat practically yowling her head off to get her owner’s attention, to no luck.

Cronus’ eyes were stuck to his phone as he replied back; he didn’t want to appear like a flirty piece of shit that only wanted to get into his pants, because he _so_ _didn’t_ , at least not yet. He wanted to make sure that Kankri had feelings for him first so it wouldn’t send off any weird vibes that could possibly send the man running to other direction. That would suck. But he was sure they had something between them or Kankri wouldn’t keep blushing like a fucking virgin.

Oh man, was Kankri a virgin? He so wants to pop that cherry now. What would he be like in bed? Super shy he bet; making sure everything was safe and clean before continuing and mostly ruining the mood. Cronus’ moods could never be broken that easy. But then again thinking about it deeper, what if Kankri found it the perfect time to just let loose and go wild, forgetting his disorder for just half an hour, maybe more and just let his hair down. Maybe he’d be a freak in bed. Oh man, that’d be so hot.

**To Vantass  
_nah, you looked adorable. sometimes its good to let your guard down and enjoy the little things, you know?_**

“Speaking of little things, you need to be fed. Come on you little minx.” He lifted the meowing cat off of the sofa, letting the tiny paws rest on his shoulder as he carried his cat to the utility room where he had set up her feeding area. Cronus had been a lonely guy for a while, his type of flirting ended up getting him next to no dates and the ones that did take a bite only ended up leaving the next morning. So, he got Pygmy; a beautiful Javanese cat that stays indoors at all times and doesn’t complain that he leaves her alone for half the day. She loves him very much, even if it was only because he feeds her and gives her a warm lap to sleep on. She is also a very loud cat; when Cronus got her at the rescue centre, he had wanted a nice quiet kitten who would let him sleep and get on with his work without eating his papers, but then when he first set his eyes on the sixth month old cat he just fell in love.

She had been brought in because the last owner didn’t like how loud Pygmy was and so they swapped the Javanese cat for a quieter kitten, what assholes. They should have researched the types of cats they wanted before taking the cat home with them. While Cronus didn’t know much about the breed, he made sure to tell the centre that he would be back and to make sure no one takes Pygmy just yet while he made up his mind. Sure enough it only took him to sleep on it until he was back again with a cat carrier to take her home and bought a bunch of toys for her to chew on and play with. Pygmy was named simply because she was the runt in her litter, being half the size of the rest of her siblings but still loved to eat as much as her small body could handle.

Cronus mushed up the kitten food and set the bowl down, letting his precious princess enjoy her meal in peace, coming back to the living room and picking up his mobile again. It seems Kankri had replied to him.

**From Vantass  
_I get what y9u’re saying 6ut I have always made sure t9 make my 9wn f99d 9r at least have kn9wledge of where it has c9me fr9m s9 I kn9w it has 6een cleaned pr9perly, s9 g9ing in 6lindly like that was rather frightening. Still, I thank y9u f9r guiding me thr9ugh it even if it was unc9nsci9usly._**

Man his client sure wrote a lot, he should have figured with the way Kankri spoke but looking back on the last few texts they’ve had, the man seemed to love typing. Not that he minded, in fact he loved hearing someone talk because then he would only have to listen to them and had enough time to think up how to reply to what he was told. Normally when he was the one talking, he felt like it was on the borderline or filthy or too flirtatious for the other person, he always had a problem with accidently making a dirty joke. It made him very self-conscious of what he was saying and to whom he was speaking to. But with Kankri, he didn’t seem to have that problem at all, actually it was the opposite; he could talk in real depth about his own life as well as say all the right things to make Kankri feel better or to laugh at a friendly joke.

**To Vantass  
_i get wvhat you mean, doll. ill make sure that wve eat out a lot in order to expose you more. actually wvhat do you think about coming to a hotel wvith me so wve could complete another mission on your list?_ **

Fuck, no no no! That didn’t sound right at all, delete! Delete!

Well shit it already sent. He couldn’t go back now, unless he send another text but then Kankri would think that he was trying too hard or making a fool of himself. For all he knew, Kankri would love to spend a night in a hotel with him. _Not_ like that, well, it could be like that in the future but not right now because he was a _client_.

Damn he hated his job sometimes.

Kankri was just dishing up his dinner when his phone once again beeped on the counter; he had moved it to the kitchen because he kept going back to it and replying to Cronus. Society was right when they said everyone would get stuck to their mobiles one way or another. He set the plate down on the table and collected the mobile once more to reply to it before sitting down, tucking a napkin into his shirt and laying one flat on his legs and once more to eat.

**To Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_I d9n’t kn9w, it c9sts a l9t t9 g9 int9 a h9tel even if it’s just f9r 9ne night. I’m sure that I’ll 6e alright as l9ng as y9u’re there with me t9 help guide me thr9ugh. Y9u’ll s9rt it 9ut f9r me and let me kn9w a week 6ef9rehand please? I have t9 g9, I’m eating._ **

With that, Kankri set the phone down and dug into his chicken salad and avocado pesto, smiling into his fork as he took the first mouthful. It was just like he always remembered; a little lemon zest to leave a tang on his taste buds and creamy from the avocado yet the firmness from the chicken left an impression that he could chew on and enjoy the flavors he swallowed. It was a small dinner and didn’t fill him up enough that would leave him hunting for more food later on but for now it was enough. The satisfaction he felt while eating it was enough to feel proud of, because he took time and effort to make it and that meant he savoured. His mobile beeped next to him on the table once more but he ignored it because right now his food was more important, continuing to eat his meal in peace.

Once he was finished he pulled the napkin from his lap and shirt, folding them neatly before setting them on the table to be dealt with after cleaning the plate, lifting it up and taking it to the kitchen to be placed in the dishwasher. He washed his hands thoroughly after with the best soap he could find, just in case any of the germs were left on his skin. With that he went back to the table and grabbed the napkins, placing them in the half full washing machine to be put together with other dirty clothes.

Getting ready for bed was a routine he had been doing for years, he stuck to it or it wouldn’t be done right. After eating he would clean everything up and wipe down the table, the counter and the sink would be watered down just in case any food was left around. He would then go to his bathroom and undress; setting the dirty clothes into the hamper for tomorrow unless it was looking full in that case he would take it to the washing machine and turning it on, leaving it to clean overnight. Otherwise, he would have a shower to clean the filth from the day; he would have had a shower earlier as soon as he got home but he couldn’t be too careful. Once he had finished his shower, Kankri would brush his teeth and tongue, floss and gargle mouthwash because there was so much bacteria in the mouth it was disgusting and he needed to destroy as much of it as he possibly could. Once everything was clean, Kankri went into the bedroom to dry off, hang the towel to air out and get changed into his pajamas, and then walked around the home to turn off all the lights and electricity that wasn’t needed, getting into bed and turning off the night lamp before going to sleep.

 

\--

 

They couldn’t stop texting each other, through most of the day their fingers were on their phones. Of course while they were working Cronus had to put it down or it would have been rude, and Kankri understood that. He felt somewhat lonely when he wasn’t speaking to his therapist but when his fingers weren’t being used to make conversation, Kankri worked on his proposals like he was supposed to.

It seems that people who actually paid attention to watching everyone’s every move; Kankri’s whole demeanour had changed to a more open one, he still had a lot of problems when it came to touching things that other people had touched and not eating or drinking anything that was open to the public, bringing his own little coffee mug to work. Yes, he still wore gloves to work and stayed to his normal routine. But after being with Kankri for so long there are signs in his body language that he would change such as smiling brightly when he heard the small beep of his phone and quickly turning his head around to see if anyone was watching him before typing a quick message to the other person and setting it down nearby, as if he knew he was going to get another reply very soon.

Since most people would either ignore Kankri or just avoid him at all costs – he wasn’t really the best conversationalist – it was up to Porrim to figure out the reason why Kankri was acting so differently. Her bets were on a new lover, but she couldn’t question him about it out loud in their workplace because Kankri was so scared that he would limit his job because of his sexuality. So she waited, sitting nearby in her own little cubicle and stayed there until it was her break time, stuffing earphones in and plugging it into her laptop to jam out in her own little space, a perfectly liquid lined eye keeping a close watch on her small friend. Of course as soon as the clock signalled her time off, she stood up abruptly and tapped a perfectly manicured fingernail on Kankri’s desk, the man had his head turned down on his phone and flinched when Porrim ahem-ed. “Break time, Kanny.”

“Already? Goodness, time has flown by today.” Kankri slipped the phone into his breast pocket and picked up his empty coffee mug, standing up and letting Porrim lead the way to the little kitchen area. Porrim started the kettle and pulled out a mug and plopped a teabag into it, waiting for the water to boil and ignoring the look of disgust that Kankri was giving her about not bringing her own cup from home, like she could be bothered with that. His phone beeped in his pocket and he was quick to react, pulling it out and pressing the screen to reply to Cronus, Porrim watching the little show with a fascinated sideways grin.

“So, who’s your new lover?”

Kanki’s head shot up to look at his friend, eyes wide. He stopped his fingers mid-text to answer his misinformed friend. “Lover? Don’t be absurd Porrim, Cronus is my therapist.”

“Uh huh, so you’ve been messaging your therapist all day? Is that a necessary occurrence for your exposure? It wasn’t before, and you haven’t even asked me for _my_ number.” Porrim’s lipstick smile of pure sass was going to be the death of Kankri, she knew everything without him even noticing it himself. Taking her jade Samsung out from her back pocket, flipping to her own number in her contacts before showing Kankri so he could pop it in his new phone, an apologetic eye making Porrim huff with annoyance because she could never stay mad at that cute freckled face. “Tell me about Cronus to make up for it.”

Kankri didn’t know where to start, plugging Porrim’s number into his phone and letting out a soft sigh thinking back; how should he begin describing Cronus? “When I met Cronus, he um. His whole body language was so open and free. I guess you could say he was _bubbly_? He coded my file to red, simply because it was my favorite color.”

He spoke about Cronus throughout all of his break, stopping a few times because of other people coming in the kitchen area to make a cuppa or struggle to get their lunch out of the tiny fridge in the corner, honestly who would attempt to stuff anything in there, it was filthy it was obvious that nothing had been cleaned in thee for months. Kankri described every session he had with Cronus, how he was partly tricked into making a list of his worst germ-phobic fears so that he would have to make a mission out of every single one, but with that list came huge stepping stones to help him persevere.

He spoke about how Cronus helped him with everything, from taking off his gloves in the private area of his office to a more public area of just outside the street, to going on the bus and train together, even eating out with him at the mall. Kankri talked for a good ten minutes about Cronus’ personality and their deep conversations about anything they could put their mind to. It was amazing how they blended so well. “He’s just such a good character for me; I don’t think this therapy would have been so successful such far, without him going along with me every step of the way.”

She had listen silently for the whole ranting, used to Kankri ramble on and on about anything he was passionate about. She nodded her head when she felt it was needed and let out a hum when the moment rose but she had been good not to interrupt. Porrim sipped her tea, blunt as usual. “So you really like him, I see.”

Kankri’s face went bright pink, hiding his face in his mug of sweetened coffee while he spluttered about behind it to find his tongue. “I don’t _like him_ like him, per se. But, I just. I don’t know. I suppose there’s a soft spot for him.”

“You have a crush on him.”

Again with the bluntness, Kankri couldn’t help gritting his teeth. No matter how many times you had explained something, if it was the truth then it would always be written between the lines. He gave up pretending. “Yes.”

“And he invited you to sleepover at a hotel with him.”

Kankri huffed out a breath while he tried to avoid his friend’s eyes, feeling her gaze staring him down like a cat would a shy mouse. He would be lying if he said Porrim didn’t intimidate him sometimes. “It’s not a sleepover, Porrim. It’s a night in a hotel to help me cope with one of the phobias from my list. Don’t give me that look.”

Hey perfectly lined eyebrow rose, and right away he knew that he might have stepped on a land mine, peeping out a quick ‘please’, Porrim let out a sigh. Setting the empty cup of tea into the sink, she crossed her arms over her ample chest, her tone sharp yet still playful. “You’re spending a night in a hotel room with your therapist.”

“Yes I see where your mind is going, but it’s not like _that_.” Kankri’s cheeks flushed tremendously, trying to hide it behind his mug once more. He was about to explain but Porrim just rose her hand to silence him, saying she’d heard enough.

“Just have fun.” Her smile was wicked and the meaning behind that was duly noted as sexual, striding out of the kitchen area with a backwards wave. Kankri wasn’t sure if his friend was meant to be supportive or condescending but it didn’t help any matter, staying in the kitchen for a moment longer before leaving back to his desk. Whatever Porrim had stuck up herself, he wasn’t going to let it bother him when he went to the hotel; he was going to overcome one of his fears there and he needed Cronus there for _support_ , nothing more.

 

\--

 

Kankri made sure that he had everything he would need for his nightly stay at the hotel; a clean pair of pajamas and an extra pair of clothes, his tooth brush and toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, a clean towel, _two_ pairs of gloves just in case, his bottle of sanitizer and come cleaning wipes, the charger for his phone though he doesn’t know if the room will even have a plug for it. Still, he would have come prepared. The room might get cold so he should bring his turtleneck _just in case_ , and he also added a book for entertainment. What else? Would he need to bring bottled water? What if they didn’t serve any food or drinks, what if the room was disgustingly dirty? Or worse, Cronus didn’t book it at all and he was getting this ramped up about nothing.

No, just calm down. Everything was going to be fine; he’ll just call Cronus again. Just to make one hundred percent sure that it was today and where it was, what time the taxi was going to get to his house to pick him up.

“Kankri, this is the _seventh_ time today.” Cronus was meant to sound kind but as he just said, his client had called him seven times. He had text Kankri in the morning with his usual wake up hello, along with what was going to happen for the day ahead; he would go to work like usual so he wouldn’t miss the whole day and then at six thirty in the evening the taxi would come to his house and would take him to the hotel. Cronus knew Kankri’s work times ended at four and it took him a while to get home because the man had complained about the walk, but not unhappy enough that he would take the bus. He told Kankri that he had told the hotel about his phobia and to make sure that the room had a deep cleaning beforehand, just to keep his client from asking so many questions about the cleanliness of their sleeping arrangements. They would spend the night at the hotel in the same room as planned because he knew Kankri wouldn’t be able to go through this alone.

He prepared room service so the man wouldn’t have to get confused about going around an area he was unknown to, and made sure the room had a bathroom with a shower so Kankri would feel more comfortable being clean. It was also partly so he could get a peek of a possibly naked Kankri. The check-out was at ten in the morning, he made sure to say that to Kankri as well so he wouldn’t be jolted awake by a phone call. He also talked his client through it in more detail when Kankri rang him for the first time, then was surprised that an hour later by another phone call, then another, and once more, _and_ _again_.

So what else did the man have to ask about?

“I’m just making sure, the taxi is coming –“

Cronus cut him off before Kankri could talk, already knowing the answer. “At six thirty. Before you ask, I texted you the address of the hotel, it’s not far.”

Kankri sat on his bed as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment, he really must sound desperate and reliable. His therapist must have wanted to bang his head against the wall from the amount of time she’s bothered him today, but he knew Cronus was too kind to say anything that would hurt his client’s feelings. Still, he felt guilty. “I’m sorry. I must sound like an obsessed maniac.”

“No, you just sound nervous but that’s natural when you’re trying new things.” Cronus’ voice was soft through the receiver, Kankri was sure he could hear a smile in the man’s words. Even if it was strained. “I’ll be right there with you and I’ve sorted everything out, you don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“Thank you, Cronus. I’ll see you in a couple hours.” After hearing the other man say his farewells, Kankri hung up the phone, holding it tight in his fist before letting out a shaky breath. His heart was thundering in his chest, if he was dramatic he would say it could burst out of his ribcage at any moment. He’d never shared a hotel room with someone before, in fact, if it wasn’t for business he wouldn’t have even slept anywhere but his home. He doesn’t know how he’s going to stop himself from scrubbing every crevice clean of filth.

Quadruple checking everything in his bag for things he may have forgotten, Kankri finally clicked his suitcase shut and lay out on the bed for a moment, taking in the emotions running through him. Fear, anticipation, excitement, anxiety. None of it was helping his heart slow to a regular pace, but as he swallowed dryly, he knew it had to be now or never. This was the whole idea of exposing himself to things he would never try on his own. He needed to do this if he was going to overcome this constant fear of germs; if he could live with them around him all day every day, no matter where he goes, then he would be able to do anything.

He spent the most of the waiting time turning off electricity and his stove, things that would need energy. He made sure everything wouldn’t burst into flames or magically combust while he was gone; he wouldn’t need it on if he was going out for the night and not returning until morning. This was going to be wild. Gosh, what was he going to wear on the way there? A small part of his mind told him that he had to impress Cronus, show his therapist that he wasn’t just losing his mind about staying in the same room with him, _all night_.

He had to splash cold water on his face for a moment. _Deep breaths now, Kankri_.

The rest of the time was spent finding the best outfit that said ‘I’m not trying too hard yet I can still loo stylish without meaning to’, and making his hair do that fluffy look Cronus seemed to love so much. By the time he was buttoning up a soft cotton cardigan, his gloves slipping on a few of the slippery buggers, the taxi had pulled up and the driver had found his door to knock on it, startling the shit out of Kankri. He rushed to pull the suitcase into the hallway, shuffling on his shoes and opening the door. “I apologize for making you wait.”

“I’ve only been here for a few minutes, Kankri Vantas?” The taxi driver was paid kindly to clean up enough that Kankri wouldn’t be put off by any amount of dirt that may have been on his person.

Kankri smiled sheepishly, cringing a little when the man took his suitcase and held his hand out for the man to lead them both out. “Yes. Thank you.”

Turning the last light out, Kankri walked swiftly out the door, locking it and making sure it was safe before going down and out of the building to the white taxi. The man was quick behind him, unlocking the car boot and setting the suitcase inside, shutting it in while Kankri got into the car and tried to think of a happier place. This was really happening; he could just say no right now and apologize to the man for going to all these lengths to get him to the hotel. He could apologize to Cronus on the phone and just stay at home. But as the driver got behind the wheel and started up the car, Kankri knew he wasn’t going anywhere, letting the view outside take over his train of thought. He could do this, it was one night. Cronus would be with him all night. No his heart _definitely_ didn’t skip a beat.

The drive to the hotel wasn’t long but for Kankri it felt like decades, getting out of the taxi and watching the driver collect his suitcase from the boot and setting it on the curb. “Thank you.”

“It’s my job, but you’re welcome.” The man chuckled and tipped an invisible hat to Kankri, getting into the taxi once more and driving off to another destination, leaving Kankri to take deep breaths as he took hold of the handle and pulled the suitcase along, his mind alert to the fact that someone else has also touched this handle and he didn’t know if the man had washed his hands. He could be handling germs, contaminating his gloves with filth. _Don’t think about it._

The hotel wasn’t five stars but it was enough that Kankri felt like he was on holiday. He didn’t know a building this nice was so near his home, not like he would plan to come here more often, but it was a cute little stay. He treaded anxiously up to the reception desk, giving his name and Cronus’ name just in case the room wasn’t in his. The lady behind the desk beamed warmly and said that Mr Ampora was already in the room, but still gave him his own room key and asked if he needed assistance to find the room. He declined politely and breathed out as he strode to the elevator and quickly poked the button, these gloves were done for in the terms of germs, he hated to even think about it at the moment as he focused his mind to finding the room, stepping into the thankfully empty elevator and poking for the second floor. Though he wasn’t expecting Cronus to be waiting for him as the elevator door opened, startling a yelp from him. “Cronus! Don’t _do_ that, you gave me a fright!”

The man laughed softly and said the lady at the front desk gave him a tip that he was coming, leading Kankri to the room and opening it up with his key. The homely warmness was what Kankri noticed first; it had two single beds, both headboards against the wall and a bedside table keeping the distance, a curvy wooden lamp on top. It had a plush looking armchair in the corner of the room with a little round table in front of it, another less soft looking chair opposite and a wooden chest of drawers with a small flat screen standing proudly on top. The bathroom was brightly lit with a mirror big enough to spread wide across the wall, the sink attached to the same wall so people could look at themselves while washing their hands Kankri supposed. A toilet seated in the corner and the shower was wide enough to fit three people in it, screened with glass and blurred in the middle perhaps for secrecy reasons. It wasn’t anything Kankri was expecting, noting that Cronus had taken the bed closest to the wall and set his suitcase on the spare one. He took his shoes off at the door, not wanting to walk any unnecessary dirt from outside on the carpet and saw that his therapist did the same, a small bubble of emotion making his throat close up for a moment.  

It was like Cronus knew what he wanted, or what was best for him. Maybe that came from him being a therapist or it could have been from spending so much time with him on the phone, at meetings or appointments. The man just knew everything. Cronus didn’t say anything about the amount he brought with him, unpacking everything and setting it on the bed so he could organise it out into what drawers they were going in. “Have you used any of the drawers?”

“Hm? No I don’t need to, just got a duffel so it should be enough, take the whole thing if you want.” He tapped the duffel bag with his foot and Kankri nodded, getting to work with making sure everything was in perfect condition before he slid his clothes into the wooden drawers. Setting the suitcase in the free corner, Kankri finally took the time to sit down on the bottom of his bed and let out a breath he didn’t even know he needed to release. Everything just came rushing in, he had done a good job with blocking it out but now he didn’t have any distraction. This was it. “How’re you feeling?”

“Overwhelmed. I’ve never shared a room with anyone but my father and brother, and that hasn’t been for at least ten years, could be more.” He slipped his gloves off before rubbing his temples, the stress already overcoming him with the need to clean the whole room. Cronus noticed and sat next to his client, making sure to keep his distance because he knew Kankri didn’t like anything touching him without knowing where it’s been first.

“You’re doing just fine. I’m so proud of you for coming this far.” Cronus loved hearing small parts about Kankri’s life; throughout their sessions, Kankri barely spoke about his past unless he was prompted. He could tell there was something in the past that led to Kankri’s phobia today, and he has tried to unlock the hidden treasure chest of Kankri’s past to little avail. He was lucky the man didn’t need to overcome his past to make it through the present, though it would probably boost his confidence enough that he would try a lot harder. “If you want to I have a pack of cards, brand new, that we could play with until you’re ready to go to bed. Dinner will be at eight and there’s a menu on the table over there.”

Kankri let out a breath as he tried to relax, blocking out the intrusive thoughts about how much grime was on everything, how the bathroom needed a good sanitary scrubbing or how many people had touched the door knob? He could think of so many places that professional cleaners don’t go anywhere near. They clean up dirt but he makes everything as germ free as possible. He could hold out for one night, once this was all over then nothing would be able to hold him back for the next time he was in a business trip. Stalking to the menu, he had a glance at the different dishes for the cheapest, yet still wanted to have the least greasy dish.  As if Cronus knew what he was thinking, the man spoke up behind him. “Don’t worry; my work is paying for everything.”

“That’s one of the reasons why I want to have a cheap meal, but these are so expensive.” They honestly were, even if it was for a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs, it was around seventy dollars. Daylight robbery and all that but the pesto didn’t appear that bad, and it was low in calories plus he knew pesto wasn’t greasy. Choosing the dish, Cronus nodded and leant over to have a look for himself, deciding on a steak, making sure the room service knew the orders over the phone. Once that was finished, Cronus collected the new pack of cards and set it on the table, sitting down on one side with a cheeky grin.

“You know how to play gin, doll?”

Kankri didn’t but with a little education about it, and a few example games to help Kankri through it, he could play up to par with Cronus once more. He even won a few of the games, making the therapist let out a huff of bad sportsmanship. Their food came a couple minutes after eight as planned, the waiter knocking on the door and wheeling a cart with two covered dishes and a bottle of fizzy water, Cronus paying the waiter a tip and the man said he would pick it up in the morning, with that he bowed and left the room, leaving Kankri and Cronus alone once more.

The table was big enough that they could set both plates onto it and dig in together. This meal sort of reminded Kankri about their first little meal together; where Kankri felt like he would vomit when ingesting that cake and smoothie. While Cronus poured a glass of the fizzy water for them both, Kankri realised this wasn’t all bad though compared to the café, he knew that it came from a hotel that required to have cleanliness or it would be out of business. And it was pesto, it didn’t need that much handling if any at all so he could rest assured that there weren’t many germs. Cronus’ steak on the other hand needed a lot of handling and he cringed whenever the man cut up a piece of the fine meat and placed it in his mouth to chew.

They enjoyed their meal together with some banter while they ate, Kankri had to cover his mouth a lot because Cronus was making him laugh too much. They should have ordered some wine though to make the night even better than it already was, he wondered what Cronus was like once he had some alcohol through his system? Maybe he was an emotional drunk, saying all the things that he never could say to his clients because he was meant to be supportive, or perhaps he was an angry drunk so he stayed away from alcohol altogether. Kankri knew he was a relaxed and giggly drunk, having found out at an office party one time, having maybe one too many beers. Porrim still didn’t let him get past that.

One their dinners were eaten, Cronus set both plates on the cart once more and set the cover on them so it wouldn’t attract any flies. Kankri got the towel and his pajamas out of the drawers, setting his pajamas on the bed with a blush. Cronus just took a moment to take in the domestication about this whole moment; they enjoyed a few games together, they had a meal together that went swimmingly and now Kankri felt comfortable to have a shower while he shared a room. He was so brave, even if he knew Kankri was battling his mind not to clean anything, he was winning so far and that was worth a lot. Cronus was so proud. Though, he had to do something about that splotch of dinner on Kankri’s chin, it was ruining the whole moment. “You got some sauce on your chin.”

Kankri stopped his ministrations to touch his chin, frowning a little and asking where it was. Cronus chuckled softly, leaning forward with a clean napkin to wipe it off. He withheld his nerves as they both went into the bathroom to brush their teeth, chuckling at the way Cronus’ toothpaste frothed his mouth up like a rabid dog and shivered a little when the other man playfully growled. They cleaned their faces and with sharing a sink, Kankri didn’t want to breathe because the man’s face was so close to his, he could smell the faint scent of Cronus’ aftershave, pine with a hint of minty freshness from his toothpaste. Somehow with all these completed missions, Kankri felt invincible and without another moment to lose, he leant forward a little to peck Cronus’ lips. What’s a goodnight without a kiss anyway?

It was only a couple seconds at best but Kankri felt the warmth of another person, the tingling on his own lips and a coiling in his stomach from all the butterflies wriggling around to be released. The shock on his therapist’s face was new to him, maybe the kiss was a mistake, leaning back more to stand up, blubbering apologies while he quickly left the bathroom to his bed. The night was going so well and he just made it awkward; gosh he was such an idiot, why couldn’t he just not do stupid things? “I’m _so_ sorry.”

“Kankri, please wait a sec.” Cronus quickly strode out the room and into the other to the smaller man, peering at the face of shame and anxiety, Kankri obviously felt like it shouldn’t have happened. Maybe he thought that because of the hotel and spending the room alone together that he would have to _put out_ to his therapist? He really never knew what Kankri was really thinking deep down but this was a moment that Cronus had waited for, and now that he knew Kankri was on the same wavelength as him, he wouldn’t have to feel any shame when he cupped the man’s freckled cheeks, feeling the tense muscles under his palms but chose to ignore it for capturing Kankri’s lips with his.

They stayed like that for a while, until Kankri’s tense shoulders relaxed and he let out a shuddering breath through his nose. Until for a moment, those bare hands touched Cronus’ shirt, almost as if to grab it to pull the other man closer. Until Kankri was opening his mouth with a silent asking for more. But not right now, they couldn’t. Cronus pulled away with a soft smile, adoring the way the other man leaned forward unconsciously before his eyes opened dazed. His cheeks were bright pink, it happened a lot but Cronus thought it was a good look for Kankri.

They broke apart with the light in their eyes telling each other that this wasn’t over. Kankri lifted his towel and pajamas, padding off to the bathroom to have a shower with his face aflame while Cronus got undressed; he never fit well with pajamas, he usually went naked but with the company he stuck to just his underwear, getting under his covers. He realised that Kankri had taken his clothes with him so he wouldn’t get to see anything. Damn. But, he had shared two kisses today and that was enough to sate Cronus for the night, grinning to himself like a fool. The kiss was just a taster; he couldn’t wait until Kankri was able to control his phobia so he would leave Cronus services, then Kankri could finally be _his_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys, hope you enjoy this chapter.

Kankri couldn’t think straight while he was in the shower, turning the temperature cold to hopefully shock his brain into rebooting. He had kissed Cronus _twice_. It just came out of the blue, he didn’t think about the precautions that may have happened, he just went with his gut. He scrubbed his face until it was raw and then turned the water off, wrapping the towel around his middle and grabbed his toothbrush once more, layering with minty paste and stuffing it in his mouth, getting as many germs as he could off his lips and tongue.

After his mouth was frothy from scrubbing his tongue raw, he spat the toothpaste and washed his mouth around with a swill of mouthwash, breathing out a minty fresh sigh. He cannot believe that he kissed his therapist, of all the things he could have done today, that was not one of them. He shouldn’t have done it even if the tightening in his chest had left; they had to keep this confidential or things could be misled. Cronus was in his services to help expose him to the world in a slow way that wouldn’t freak him out, and support him through the times when he needed it. Those services were not meant to be kissing.

He couldn’t freak out about it now, not with the man worth panicking over was in the other room. So with that in mind, Kankri left the bathroom and turned the light off, getting into his bed with a little fumbling around with the covers; why were hotel sheets so gosh darn heavy? Once he was in, snuggled up in the bed and definitely _not_ thinking about who could have been doing what in this bed, was this mattress clean? Were the sheets and pillows perfectly washed? _It’s best not to think about it._ “Goodnight, Cronus.”

“Night Kan.” Cronus replied back in what sounded like the middle of a yawn, hearing a rustle of fabric before the soft flick of the lamp in the middle of the beds turning off, leaving them both in the dark silence to rest.

 

\--

 

When he told Porrim the next work day that he had kissed Cronus, he wasn’t expecting the soft laughter to escape her lips that came after his confiding speech. Seems she already knew something would happen at the hotel, though she was expecting more and not _him_ making the first move. “Honestly, Kanny. You’re like a teenager expressing their first love; it’s both adorable and funny.”

“I wouldn’t think my life was _funny_.” Kankri puffed out his blushing cheeks like a child, already regretting telling her. But he has listened to enough of her exes and dates, one night stands and what not, it was finally her time to listen to a story about _his_ love life and gosh darn it he was going to tell her it no matter what her reaction. He continued with his story about what had happened, how Cronus was so kind and supportive to him, did all the work for him so he wouldn’t have to go through the stress of booking and paying. He described what his therapist’s lips felt like, how soft and warm they were, and how after he had panicked, Cronus had pulled him in to taste his tongue. “Then he gave me this look as if to say ‘we shouldn’t, but I want to’ I mean can you imagine?”

“Uh huh.” Porrim was examining her long nails, lifting one side of her lip in a tsk as she noticed and chip in her black nail polish. She just did them last night and already the varnish is coming off, what a shitty make.

Kankri frowned at his friend’s response; this was big news for him because he’s never kissed someone before, he’s never even been interested in someone like this before and she’s not interested. “He wants to be with me, Porrim.”

“Ask him on a date then, open both the playing fields.”

As if it was that easy, he has to worry about the fact that Cronus was his therapist and he has issues with bodily contact and his phobia. It was all too stressful to think. “Oh you know we can’t do that, it wouldn’t be right.”

“You can’t date him yet you’re alright with having his tongue shoved in your mouth? Kanny please, choose a side.” Porrim let out a scoff and leant her hip on Kankri’s desk, folding her arms over her breasts once more. She made it sound so vulgar; all they did was kiss, _twice_. His phone beeped in his pocket and he knew it was Cronus, pulling it out just to confirm and with a light flush on his cheeks he opened the text. Porrim watched the little scene in front of her, the emotions washing over Kankri’s face over a single text. Honestly it was easy to tell the man just needed a hefty push to get himself through these sorts of things; with a well-timed swipe, she took the phone from him and had a look herself. “Ooh, talking about where to meet you next so you can both reek sexual tension.”

“Porim, please!” Kankri went to reach for his phone, cringing and retracting it when Porrim gave him a stern glare. His friend’s hands were probably caked in germs right now, oh god, she’s typing, what was she typing. “Give it back!”

With a couple of taps from her manicured nails, she quickly wrote out a message and sent it, handing the phone back. Kankri peeled off a sanitary wipe and took it from her, giving the phone a thorough rub down of cleanliness before having a look at the damage his friend must have caused. “What – oh my god Porrim!”

There, in bold letters, his text message. It was obviously a flirtatious gesture, and a beep of an incoming text confirmed what e had just been dying over.

**T9 Cr9nus Am9ra  
_I wo+uld like yo+u to+ co+me to+ my ho+use, I will co+o+k o+f co+urse._**

**Fr9m Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_uhh, wvowv thats not a bad idea actually. but it wvasnt you wvho wvrote it, so im not sure if i should accept that?_ **

**T9 Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_That was my friend, Porrim. She st9le my ph9ne with9ut permissi9n and I had t9 clean it. I’m n9t s9 sure ab9ut y9u c9ming to my apartment, I’ve never let any9ne int9 it f9r 9bvi9us reas9ns._**

“That wasn’t very kind; you have given him false hope. I can’t let him into my home, you know what it does to me!” Kankri fumed in frustration because it didn’t help him at all, she had no right to touch his things. He was frustrated because she got to do it without any consequences on her part, while he was just sitting there worrying. His phone beeped once more.

**Fr9m Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_is that a no?_**

“Just do it, Kanny. You’re not going to know if it fails if you don’t do it.” Porrim’s polite push was enough for him to push the buttons that he wanted, saying the words that he desperately craved to tell Cronus face to face.

**T9 Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_I want t9 let y9u int9 my h9me. 6ut I’ll c99k the dinner, is seven thirty a g99d time?_**

With that, he couldn’t look at his phone anymore, setting it on the desk with a shaky breath. He didn’t even want to face Porrim’s smug grin at the moment, knowing she would say she told him so. Pointing behind him, Kankri faced his laptop to get back to work. “Leave my cubicle I do not trust you with touching my things.”

Porrim shook her head keeping her smile as she sashayed back to her own cubile a small distance away, talking over her shoulder at her dear yet overly nervous friend. She really didn’t want to make Kankri feel so awkward at the moment, but she wa excited about him finally getting out there even if it was under the pretence of a meeting with the therapist. She still _knew_ that they were secretly going out for a date, no matter how much he protested against it. “Suit yourself, but you know I’m right. Make sure you wear that cute little sweater I love so much.”

Once Porrim was out of sight, Kankri let out another big breath, glancing down at the phone on his desk that was flashing up at him almost mockingly. He tried to ignore it, knowing that Cronus would be backing out of it. He shouldn’t have sent that text, it was not sensible and he might have put Cronus’ job into account if it were to ever be found out that they had kissed and he had just asked him _over to his house_. He’s never done that before, no one interested him enough that he would even consider it. But there was just something about Cronus, something that just spoke out _‘I am a nice guy, give me a chance’_ , and Kankri was a sucker for it. So without another thought, Kankri picked up the phone and read the message.

**Fr9m Cr9nus Amp9ra  
_sevwen thirty is perfect. see you then, kan._ **

That was that then, he couldn’t back out of it now. A part of him was excited but mostly his stomach was full of nerves; what would he make and would Cronus be able to eat it? What about the state of his home? He would have to double clean it this time, make sure there wasn’t a speck of dust. Or on the slight chance that they kiss again, would Cronus want to stay the night? That probably wouldn’t happen, but it was something that Kankri wasn’t ruling out.

He glanced over at Porrim, who was typing away rapidly on her laptop, her work phone squashed between her shoulder and her ear. She was always so busy, yet she would appear with time on her hands just for him, he couldn’t be mad at her for too long for that. He wanted to thank her for giving him this push, it might go down the drain as soon as it started but without her giving him this, then it wouldn’t have happened in the first place. With that in mind, Kankri lifted the sides of his mouth unconsciously and got back to work, if he got stuck in then it would be faster to go home and clean everything.

 

\--

 

He was wrong, everything was a complete mess; he hadn’t steamed the carpet or washed the curtains in over a week. At the moment he was scrubbing the bathroom floor, letting out grunts and almost gagging when he saw a couple of spider webs in the corners. He had cleaned this the other day and they were just making his job that much harder, he hated spiders so much right now. It was six thirty, he had gotten home an hour ago and as soon as he had put his clothes into the hamper to clean and had a shower, he slipped into some clean clothes so he could do a deep cleaning of every crevice he could find. No stone would go unturned when it came to having someone round and since he’d not had a guest over for what seems like a decade, it was easy to say that he was panicking.

“Oh fuck!” Mid scrub, Kankri just got a thought that he hadn’t even started to prepare a dinner for Cronus, cursing loudly and doubling hs efforts to hurry up in the bathroom. The floor wasn’t as important as the taps, since Cronus was bound to use the toilet and wash his hands, standing up and grabbing the disinfectant to give the taps and the sink, the plug, anything around it a good rub down. Once this task was out of the way he would just clean the mirror and then maybe get a fresh towel to dry their hands with, and then he could handle cleaning the toilet and around it. Mop the floors, dust around the living room and line the shoes up perfectly neat in the hallway, wipe down every door knob with some sanitizer. He had to do everything. Though, in the back of his head he could already hear Cronus’ disapproval, he was meant to be getting over his phobia s germs, not cleaning this whole house from top to bottom just for a guest.

By the time he got to the kitchen it was just gone seven, and he was stressing out because he had to shower again, prepare a meal and serve it all before Cronus came. He could make something simple, yet still add a flare that he put effort in. Deciding on spaghetti and cheesy meatballs, Kankri washed his hands thoroughly before getting the mince out and setting it in the microwave, setting the timer to defrost it while he was in the shower. Throwing his clothes in the hamper for the second time that day, Kankri hooked the towel on the rack and stepped into the shower, letting the warmth of the water beat don on his back as if to massage the tension out of the muscles. This would always calm him down if he was going through a stressed out day of having to touch things that other people have, or be exposed to dirt. The water was clean, warm and just the right amount of power to sooth and relax him, he could spend so long just standing in the shower and nothing else.

The doorbell went off, alerting Kankri out of his thoughts. Cronus was early, he must be. Shutting off the shower and wrapping the towel around his middle, Kankri padded quickly to the front door to peer through the peep hole and almost having a heart attack because Cronus was on the other side with flowers. _Flowers_. He didn’t want to leave him out there while he changed because that would be rude, and so he opened the door with a fierce blush. He must look like a state, with his hair wet and in a towel. “I’m sorry, I’m not exactly ready.”

“No, no it’s my fault. I’m a little early.” Kankri stepped aside for his therapist, shutting the door. Cronus couldn’t believe his luck today, he should be early more often if he was going to get Kankri practically naked in front of him. He didn’t want to look down just in case he was caught staring but he couldn’t help himself from having a peek at Kankri’s chest. His nipples were pebbled from the chill in the air, but rosy pink from being untouched. Fuck he just wanted to swoop in and suck them, give them a nibble to hear Kankri’s panting breath. Quickly snapping out of it, he slipped his shoes off and laid them neatly with the other pairs, starting to flush his own cheeks while he held out the flowers. “They’re fake; I figured you didn’t want to have something from the ground in your home just yet.”

Kankri led his therapist into the living room to have a seat while he got dressed, rushing into the bedroom to dry himself off and get changed into the outfit he picked out earlier. It was a simple blue turtleneck with a new pair of tight black jeans that he bought online, he didn’t know if they were going to fit but they were comfortable and hugged his bottom perfectly. Stepping out into the living room once more with a shy smile Kankr took the fake flowers from Cronus, going into the kitchen. “I’m making spaghetti and cheesy meatballs if that’s alright with you?”

“It’s perfect… Cheesy meatballs?” Cronus raised an eyebrow, following his small host into the kitchen and admiring the adorable petite stove. Kankri took out the defrosted mince from the microwave and set it on the sanitized counter, collecting the cheese from the fridge and along the way he also brought the oil out of the pantry. Cronus leant on the counter and watched the man work his magic, pulling his sleeves up and washing his hands thoroughly before dividing the mince into slices and cutting the cheese up into cubes. He showed Cronus how to roll the cheese inside the meatball so when it cooks the cheese will melt inside the meat, even letting him give it a try and laughing when he failed epically.

Turning on the stove, Kankri set the pan on one of the cookers and waited for it to heat up while he collected the spaghetti and flicked the kettle on. Getting out a couple glasses and pouring some wine, they talked about anything while Kankri cooked; from today’s happenings to their work. Cronus spoke about his kitten and Kankri gossiped about maybe getting a pet but feeling odd about it since they made a lot of mess. “You’ve just got to find the right one for you, maybe try out fish.”

Cronus was given the chance to help out with the cooking but after the ruins of his cheesy meatball, he let Kankri do the job for him. Besides, he was having the best view right here with the way those jeans seemed to be painted on his ass, he couldn’t keep his eyes off them. Sipping his wine, he set the table instead while Kankri was dishing up the food and carrying the plates over. They sat down opposite each other and since Cronus hadn’t eaten since mid-afternoon, he tucked in right away and had to quickly cover his mouth when he bit into a meatball and cheese gushed out of it. Kankri tried to make it the least messy as possible but he couldn’t help flushing when Cronus leaned across and wiped some meat sauce from his chin.

They chattered while they ate, Kankri pausing a moment when their feet touched and bit his lip as he peeked up at Cronus’ face, his therapist having the same look of accidental shock. It didn’t stop them from purposely brushing their feet together, Cronus’ socked ones rubbing up and down Kankri’s ankle. Their conversation quietened down to small talk while their footsie did all the work, it warmed Kankri up under his collar and his face was probably bright red, he’d never had this sort of treatment before and while it wasn’t a bad thing, he felt guilty that this was his therapist and he could lose his job over something like this. Still, it wasn’t like he was going to stop just because he was guilty Cronus didn’t appear as if he wanted this to end either and so they continue until their plates were empty. Kankri was quick to pull his chair back and stand up, taking the plates to the kitchen to wash in the sink before setting them in the dishwasher, hearing Cronus’ footsteps behind him. “We have to talk.”

Hands gripped the counter and Kankri exhaled shakily before turning to face his therapist, nodding his head and pouring them both another glass of wine before they walked out to the table once more, sitting down. They had a silent moment, not knowing what to say to each other. There was obviously attraction there but they both knew it wasn’t going to last very long, Cronus was first to talk. “I know it’s wrong of me to assume things, but you kissed me so I think you like me. And I like you too, doll. Trust me when I say that I do, and I want nothing more than to just kiss you all day, but we can’t.”

“Because you’re my therapist. I thought about that too.” Kankri felt a lump in his throat, swallowing a mouthful of wine. He didn’t mean to interrupt but he wanted to get the point across that he knew this wasn’t the right thing to do at the moment. He saw Cronus’ eyes dart down to his lips, his own tongue peeking out to lick his lips before he spoke once more. “So we are going to stop this.”

“For now.” Cronus reached forward, hesitating because Kankri’s hands were bare. He was so proud that the man could have free hands when he was at home. It was easy to show that his client had slowed down with the amount of sanitizer because his hands weren’t rubbed raw, and there was only one band-aid around his index finger. Gently lowering his hand so that Kankri had enough of a chance to pull his away, Cronus rested his hand on top of his client’s and let out a soft breath, his smile full of proud praising. “I do want this, but not yet. Let’s get you sorted out first before we go into… Us.”

A small flare of emotion welled up inside Kankri’s chest at the mention of possibly being an ‘ _us’_ in the future. He’d never been with someone before and not only was it exciting that Cronus wanted the same thing as him, he was willing to wait and because he knew about his phobia, Kankri wouldn’t feel the need to walk on eggshells around him. Cronus would be able to guide him through anything, and they both wouldn’t feel the guilt of getting him in trouble because he would no longer be in his care at the clinic. They checked the time and Cronus stood up stretching out this back with a small groan, announcing his time to leave has come. “Can’t have too many late nights with the mistress at home.”

“Pet your cat for me.” Kankri blushed heavily and dropped his gaze to the floor; who says that sort of thing? That was so embarrassing, but it made Cronus chuckle so it wasn’t a complete fail. They strode to the entryway and the taller man slipped his shoes on, turning his head to bid his farewell to Kankri when he felt a hand on his sleeve. “Can I, um. I just – I was wondering.”

Cronus already knew what was going on inside his client’s mind; he didn’t want it to end like this, not just yet. So he turned round completely and cupped those freckled cheeks, leaning down to press his lips fully on Kankri’s, feeling a surprised murmur against his skin before he was kissing back. With their eyes shut tight, the two of them could sink off together into an imaginary world where they would be no interruptions, just the feeling of soft lips moulding into each other. Cronus’ tongue was first to act, swiping against Kankri’s bottom lip and licking inside when the other man opened his mouth enough for the appendage to fit through. He was still innocent to the world of kissing, but with Cronus leading the way he was sure to learn fast. With his hands outstretched, Kankri took hold of Cronus’ jacket and held on for the ride, following the direction given to him as they moved together, feeling his back being pressed up against a flat surface. Probably the door, it didn’t really matter at the moment. He could taste their dinner and the hint of the wine on Cronus’ tongue, but it was all in the background.

His therapist’s hands latched onto his hips, not spreading out further or getting adventurous, he just kneaded the skin under the fabric of the tight jeans. Kankri couldn’t help the small groan that he let out, the noise quickly being swallowed in the kiss. They’d never been this forward before, Kankri pressed up against the door with Cronus grabbing his hips and his own hands moving to the man’s shirt, holding on like it would be a lifeline of some sort. He could do this forever; he was addicted to the taste of Cronus’ saliva and the warm pressure of his lips.

They broke apart with a string of spit connecting their bottom lips, it was kind of gross but they didn’t seem to mind at the moment. They were lost in each other’s expressions, neither one of them wanting to move in case there was a chance that they would be able to lean in and capture each other’s lips once more. Kankri’s voice was breathy, broken and full of something he didn’t even recognise. “You should probably go, before we. Um.”

“Yeah, yeah I should.” Cronus agreed but they both didn’t move to open the door, or pull away from each other. Since Kankri obviously didn’t want to move just yet, Cronus leant down once more for another farewell kiss, this time it was sweeter with less pressure on his lips. It seems the more gentle he was, the better response he got out of Kankri; the man moaned soft into his mouth and rung his hands in Cronus’ shirt, as if battling with himself to pull the other man closer or keep him still. He chose for him, stepping forward so his body was now invading Kankri’s personal space. He relished in the shiver that he felt when his fingers tip toed up along his sides, the whimper against his lips and the more desperate way he kissed.

Now that they had their fill of affection from one another, it was easier to pull apart and bid each other goodnight. Kankri opened the door and let Cronus step out, leaning against the doorway with a grin, his pearly white teeth almost shining out of his mouth. “I’ll see you in your next appointment.”

“Can’t wait.” Kanki breathed and watched Cronus sashay to his car and slid right in, putting his key in the ignition to bring the beast to life and pulling out of the driveway, tearing off down the road. Shutting his door, Kankri observed the room and the mess that might have been left behind. Apart from the kitchen counter and a couple drops of meat sauce on the table, it was mostly the way he cleaned it. Colleting the glasses from the counter and starting to clean them in the sink, Kankri licked his lips; plump with the sudden onslaught of attention they were given. He certainly wouldn’t be forgetting this night for a long time, and he couldn’t wait to tell Porrim about his latest gossip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray finally some action.
> 
> Also just to let you know I will be splitting my time on writing both this story along with my new polyamory fic, so please check that one out too!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys this past month has been very hectic for me. A little announcement to make, I'm due for top surgery in a week and after that I won't be able to move my arms for a while, so it could take me another month before another chapter is up. 
> 
> I do hope all of you are patient with me! I'll come back to this as soon as possible!

It was easy to see how frustrated Cronus was becoming. He had been sitting on his sofa with Kankri’s folder on his lap for nearly an hour, just reading over the notes that he had written down. What were they going to do with the tenth and final mission on the list? They had both agreed that they weren’t going to do anything about their future relationship, and he couldn’t just tell Kankri to rub one out at home and tell him all about it. It would insensitive; what if he became panicked? It would be easier if he was there and showing Kankri how to do it. Oh man they had to talk about Kankri’s history in sex, what little it was, in their next session. Cronus wasn’t sure if his cock was going to hold back.

He wonders if the freckled man would get all shy and blush like he usually does when it came to things he doesn’t talk about. Perhaps fiddle with his turtleneck that he always wore around Cronus, as if that would stop him from being looked at. He still remembers those perky nipples, never touched before, _virgin nipples_. Cronus almost coughed up his coffee, thumping his chest at the thought. He shouldn’t be thinking about Kankri’s deliciously appealing nipples when he’s trying to figure out his next session, it was very distracting. Pygmy meowed loudly and brushed up against his legs, bringing Cronus out of his thoughts. Apparently her cat clock told her it was feeding time. “Alright alright, let’s get you out the way so I can actually think.”

He would always find the way the soft _pap pap pap_ of those kitten paws against the floor while she ran as fast as her little legs could carry her to the feeding room, completely adorable. Mushing up the kitten food, Cronus had an epiphany about what he should say in tomorrow’s appointment, running out of the cat’s room to his folder and piecing out the plan for what he was going to say to Kankri. He ignored the way Pygmy yowled with betrayal because he had left the food on the counter away from her reach, and she couldn’t find a way to jump up and get at it with her tiny legs. Treating Kankri was more important right now than an angry cat.

 

\--

 

Everything was going to go along with his plans. Hopefully. He waited a couple of minutes to breathe, knowng that Kankri would be downstairs patiently waiting to be brought up. It was enough time, walking down the steep steps that he’s sure someone had fell down a couple of times. There should really be a warning about the stairs. Peeking his head out and waving at his client he collected Kankri from the waiting room, a smile on his face as always. Leading them both up the stairs to his therapy room, Cronus was proud to see that Kankri wasn’t wearing any gloves at all. He commented on that and watched at Kankri faltered and fiddled his thumbs together shyly, it was adorable. But, they didn’t have any time to waste and without further ado, Cronus sat down and crossed one leg over the other. “So, while it’s a very strange topic to be talking about for you, it’s a natural thing to bring up. Do you want to talk about your past with masturbation?”

He tried to keep his face as neutral as possible but the way those cheeks flushed brightly with embarrassment, it was very difficult. He knew Kankri would blush. Kankri didn’t want to look his therapist in the eyes, this was the final task on his list so he understood why it was happening, but it was so strange to discuss. “I-I, I don’t think. I’m, ah, I don’t think I could say anything that would help my case, in this prospect.”

“Why don’t we start off small? What do you think about masturbation as a whole, not just you, but everyone.” Cronus opened up the red folder, clicking a pen and waited for Kankri to speak. It must be hard to think about considering Kankri’s never actually had an orgasm in his life, he would cry for him right now but it would be awkward.

“I think it’s dirty.”

He figured his client would say something like that, nodding his head and writing it down in the notes. It was a basic answer, but Cronus needed more if he was going to be able to unlock something that could help Kankri get over his phobia. He still had a chance to figure out why he was so obsessed with being clean. “Why do you feel that way?”

“I suppose, being covered in your own, um. _Secretions_. It’s filthy.” While he did honestly think that being covered in whatever came out of his penis would be a horrible thought, in truth he wanted to try it. Just once. That wasn’t all though, he wanted to talk about his life but it felt like that part of him was chained up and he didn’t want to open up, even to a therapist who was trained to handle trauma.

“Some people don’t masturbate at all, they would prefer not to. It’s a personal choice I suppose, and that’s alright. Do you think you would be in that category?” Kankri wouldn’t be in that bracket, it was a phobia not a personal choice. But Cronus had to give the man options. Even if he knew that Kankri would be too curious about having more to just stop once he’d started.

“While I think it’s a dirty thing, I’ve not um. I haven’t experienced it before. My father –“ Kankri paused, an off-in-the-distance look glazed over his eyes. Cronus didn’t want to interrupt the possible flashback and so he took in the emotions on his client’s face; embarrassment of course, but also frustration, even a little bit of anger but mostly guilt. He wonders why there was guilt, maybe because of the way he was brought up? Could be many reasons, most of them he wanted to discuss with Kankrt but he chose the time to just watch for now. Kankri had told him about his father a couple of times; that he was a priest who wanted his children to live a religious life just like him, and how as a teenager he rebelled as much as he could. Perhaps that was the key he was looking for.

Soon after the flashback started, it was over. Kankri sat up straighter and let his head dip a little, almost submissive and began to speak about what he just remembered from his past. It was a moment where he had an erection at a young age and his father saw everything. If he was going to get over himself then he would have to give Cronus something worth helping him with. His father being a priest, he had sermons about how sin would corrupt people in the simplest of ways. Kankri was mortified that lust had taken over his body in that moment, and prayed so hard for his erection to leave his body because he thought that having one was evil. Mr Vantas was hovering over him the whole time screaming at him that he had to repent all of his sins. That he had to be pure and untouched if he was going to get a wife. It was traumatising to say the least.

Cronus listened while he wrote down the information he needed; past trauma, degrading and possible abusive parent, possible religious involvement with mysophobia. These small pieces of clues along with the conversations he has with Kankri about his life in the present time was enough to decipher how he was going to give proper treatment. This was a huge stepping stone to his client’s recovery. Kankri slowly got quieter until he just shut his mouth, having enough of that flashback it seems. It was enough for now, and Cronus was so proud of his client for going somewhere into his mind that scared him. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

He let the smaller man have a moment to collect himself while Cronus jotted down the possible treatments. Kankri had been reverted into a scared child whenever he was around dirt, he needed to clean it to get himself away from his past or he could constantly feel the weight of his father’s oppression bearing down at him. He needed to be shown that having dirt around wasn’t going to get him in trouble, Cronus had to change the way germs were portrayed in Kankri’s mind. It felt like they were both so close to releasing Kankri of this constant fear; he could go out with his gloves off if he knew he wasn’t going to touch anything, he could kiss Cronus with a passion that ate away at both of them, he could do so many things that were completely impossible to Kankri at the very beginning of this therapy. Masturbation tied this all together, it was one of the major milestones that created this whole mess, and if Kankri could fight it and win then hopefully the fear of his father’s wrath wouldn’t be so frightening anymore and he could continue his life without needing to feel safe around germs.

“I want to try it.” Now Kankri just looked embarrassed again, Cronus will never get tired of that blushing face. He fiddled around with the hem of his turtleneck, eyes caste downward to his knees while he spoke. “Not now though, I’d rather we do it at my house.”

“W-We? Uh, um. You want me to be there when you masturbate?” Now it was Cronus’ turn to blush, he wasn’t expecting Kankri to be so forward with what he wanted. He would do it in a heartbeat, but knowing that it would probably cross the line of their promise, he shouldn’t accept. “I mean, you know we can’t do it together.”

“Yes, I was um. Would it break boundaries if I, if I _masturbate_ with you. Watching?” It was hard to get out, but he did and it probably didn’t sound appropriate and with the way his therapist’s face blew up in beetroot-red, it was not the right thing to say. He quickly shook his head and waved his hands as if he was wiping the question out of the air. “N-Never mind! Forget I said anything.”

Cronus wanted so bad to kick himself and see if this was a dream. He would never be able to get Kankri’s voice saying _masturbate_ out of his ears for a long time. Man, he so wanted to just whip it out and show Kankri how to let go and cum, maybe show him how sensitive his body must be. “No, we can’t do that. It would – _I_ wouldn’t be able to account for anything. We would have to figure out how we – you can do it.”

“What about calling?” Fucking hell, Cronus was going to die an early death if this kept up. Kankri probably didn’t know what he’d just said; _phone sex_. Or at the very least, it would be Kankri moaning in Cronus’ ear while he slowly combusted from the inside because he would know what the other man would be doing on the phone. Still, it was the better idea than him just watching and so he nodded. They set up a time when both of them would be home and stuck to it. Kankri was about to stand up from his seat when he remembered something else from this morning at work. “Oh, another thing I forgot to mention.”

What could get any better than phone sex? Well, there was real sex, but he knew that wasn’t on the table for a _very_ long time. Still, Cronus arched an eyebrow in curiosity, letting his client continue. “Porrim wants to meet you.”

If something was going to be the icy water that shocks Cronus out of their heated discussion, then that was pretty high. He’s only been told stories about Porrim, though he did have a small moment when she was pretending to be Kankri, a very bad impersonation if he does say so himself. Cronus didn’t know what he would think about the woman, Kankri’s only friend. He pictured a woman with a fiery personality, so maybe she would be ginger, with freckles like Kankri? Or maybe one of those beauties that doesn’t take no shit from any man. Whatever she looked like, Cronus knew that he had to get on her good books if he was going to pursue Kankri. “Oh, really.”

“I couldn’t stop her, she said she would touch all of my stuff if I didn’t comply.” He did have a betrayed face, he probably didn’t want his friend to interfere with his therapy. But, he knew that Kankri had been talking about him to Porrim, it would be good for him to finally know what image was put into the woman’s head about him.

He played it off as a natural thing, normally meeting up with family was something that people under the age of eighteen would ask. Just for their security. But this wasn’t anything to do with feeling secure; it was about Porrim’s approval of Kankri’s future boyfriend. “I don’t mind meeting your friends, Kan.”

The relief that Kankri showed was enough for Cronus not to regret his decision. When asking for a date that they might have arranged, Kankri whipped out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it over with slight disdain. Cronus inspected the note and chuckled at the very fancy handwriting, obviously Porrim told him to hand it over if it was accepted. She had a beautiful vocabulary and presented it off rather politely in a threat that if he didn’t comply with meeting her at two in the afternoon this Saturday at the mall then she would forcefully meet him at the clinic. “I suppose I’ll be seeing you this Saturday.”

“I said we should meet at that café that we had in our last date – _task._ I apologize.” His face was flush once more at the mistake he made. Not that Cronus minded, he loved hearing Kankri’s little mix ups when it came to their relationship, however strained it was at the moment with the clinic’s confidentiality. He just wanted to reach over and take Kankri’s hand, squeeze it and kiss the knuckles, tell him it was alright for it to be called that because he thought of it the same way. Not yet.

“You don’t have to apologize about anything, I’ll speak to you tonight, and I’ll see you on Saturday.” They both stood up and shook hands, he was very proud that Kankri didn’t make any negative emotion in his face nor did he try to pull his hand away to wipe it with sanitizer. They bid their farewells and Kankri left down the stairs, leaving Crous to shut his door and lean his back against the frame. Breathing out a groan, he slid down the door until he was sitting on the carpet, his heart thumping wildly. He had come so close to kissing Kankri just then, what if they were caught? He had to be more careful. But, thinking about it now, this Saturday wasn’t going to be considered a session and he had accepted it. This was dangerous, but Cronus loved it.

 

\--

 

The phone rang in the late afternoon, signalling the time that they said they would both be free. Seems Kankri was eager to get this over with because when Cronus answered the call, the other man quickly spoke up. “I’m in bed, should I put my gloves on or leave them off?”

Well, right down to it then. Cronus sat down on his sofa and told Kankri to leave them off, it would be easier that way. He asked the cliché question of what Kankri was wearing and his client replied with his usual attire, it made it easier for Cronus to imagine him in his thoughts. It was obvious to tell that the other man was nervous about this task and he wanted to help with slowing things down, but there wasn’t really anything slow about masturbating. “You just uh, put your hand in your underwear and grab your penis, um. Are you doing that?”

It was awkward telling someone how to do it, he’d been doing it for so long that it was like a second nature. But for Kankri it must be so alien, he could still cry for the man’s innocence. Kankri had copied his instructions, unbuttoning his trousers enough that he could slip his hand inside, dipping into the band of his underwear to take hold of his cock. It wasn’t really doing anything. It was like when he used the bathroom, without the urine. “Yes, I’m not particularly… Aroused.”

“Hm, try rubbing it up and down? You’re probably not hard; do you need something to uh. Get you in the mood?” Cronus was a terrible instructor; he was never going to give this advice again for as long as he lived. How did he even get into this mess? Don’t say it, he already knew. He heard the nervous flutter or breath against his ear as Kankri once again did as his therapist told him, the rhythmic stroking of flesh did very little but it was enough for him to feel a twinge in his gut.

“I’m not watching _porn_ if that’s what you’re thinking.” It was a burning feeling in his lower stomach and he unconsciously spread his legs out, finding the confines of his trousers annoying. Asking permission from Cronus, he let go of his penis and set his phone next to him, turning it on speaker and lifted his hips to pull his trousers down his legs. Folding the clothing and setting it aside for later, he spread his legs out once more and slipped his hand in his boxers once more, resuming his slow stroking.

“No! No I don’t mean porn.” Being a teacher was hard work, Cronus tried to remember what he does when he’s masturbating. Normally he _would_ watch porn but he knew that Kankri would be so traumatised by the amount that’s portrayed in the videos nowadays. He also made up his own fantasies to get off to as well, he’s had many about Kankri and that night when he finally got to see a bit of skin. He wanted to do more than just kissing, wanted to just hold him to the door and show him how pleasurable it could be to have his nipples played with. To have his neck kissed and to have his legs wrapped around Cronus’ hips while he fucked up into that plush little ass. Fuck, his own dick was filling up in his jeans, whipping it out to lay on his thigh as Cronus spoke a little breathless. “Try thinking about something. Like our last kiss, imagine how it felt.”

Kankri shut his eyes and brought himself to the moment when their lips touched once more, Cronus tasted of spaghetti and cheesy meatballs, but it didn’t bother him. In fact, it got him hot under the collar. The way their tongues almost rolled together to taste each other, the soft breaths that mingled. He could feel the muscles under Cronus’ shirt tensing up as if he was holding himself back for some reason, probably to make sure he didn’t scare Kankri. His chest rising and falling in little pants, his hand instinctively sped up on his cock and he couldn’t help the blush that became as red as it could get when the slick sounds of his leaking precum rung in his ears. “ _Cronus_ …”

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Kankri had to be a _loud masturbator_. Cronus’s brain was going to fry; listening to the little whimpers and breathy moans on the receiver was making his own cock throb with wanted attention. He couldn’t handle it anymore, letting out a groan of his own as he reached down to grab his shaft, squeezing the base. He could imagine what Kankri looks like right now with his legs spread for anyone to see what he was doing, the shameful yet completely sexy way his face was flushed and his lips bitten to hide the way he was obviously enjoying it. He imagined that Kankri would be dripping by now; having not cum before he would be chasing this feeling unknown to him. “I’m here. You sound so hot, Kan.”

“Mm…! I don’t – Ah!” He didn’t know what to say to that. One side of him wanted to be appalled that someone would think of him like that, but a deeper part of him shivered in delight that he was being praised. Still, any of it was way better than being told off for this, and with his father nowhere in sight he enjoyed the way his hand became wet from his precum. With how dirty this all was he should be repulsed by now, but this pleasure bubbling in his stomach was something that he knew would be addictive. He couldn’t stop his voice from erupting in his throat, his free hand gripping his pillow and trying to bury his face into the plush material.

Cronus was letting out little positive affirmations for Kankri, telling him how well he’s doing, that he’s proud for doing this. But inside he wanted to be there with him and feel his chest, tweak those pink perky nipples until they turned red with overstimulation; he wanted to watch Kankri crave his touch. His own cock already at bursting point hearing the tinny whines on the receiver and knowing that it would sound so much better if he were there with him. Kankri’s moans were getting higher in pitch, more desperate for something but he didn’t know what yet, Cronus let out a huffing breath and cleared his throat before speaking softly into his phone. “You let go. Just cum, it’s okay.”

Kankri didn’t understand what Cronus was telling him to do; _let go_? Of what, his penis? He couldn’t, not when something was in his pelvis waiting to erupt. No matter how hard he tried nothing could stop the loud groans from escaping his mouth, feeling the bubble burst as his hand trembled on his cock, cumming for the first time. It was wet, it was sticky and it went everywhere; on his hand, landing on the bed and his torso, some spurts were even strong enough to hit his chin. The waves of pleasure rippled up his spine, igniting a flame that warmed up his whole body, making his toes curl. Kankri paused for a moment to get his breath back before realising what a mess he had just made on himself, sitting up and releasing his grip on his crotch. “Oh god, this is _disgusting_!!”

He couldn’t help himself from letting out a soft chuckle, relinquishing himself to his own orgasmic bliss and listening to his client going on about how he was covered in it. It seems Kankri had forgot he was on the phone, the device left on his bed as the brunette got off the bed and waddled to his bathroom. He wasn’t going to get anything else from his client and so Cronus hung up the phone, sending a text to say that he was open to talk about the experience once everything was cleaned up.

While he was waiting, he stood up from his sofa and went about cleaning himself up enough that he could tuck himself away in his boxers once more. The movement had caught Pygmy’s ears and she started her chorus of yowling, reminding Cronus about his betrayal of leaving the cat food on the counter out of her reach, quickly rushing in and bumbling out apologies to his poor _hungry_ kitten and finally giving her the bowl of dinner. With his pet out of the way for now, he went to change into his night gear – nothing – and turning out the lights, bringing his phone with him to the bedroom to slip under his covers, awaiting Kankri’s text.

 

\--

 

He had asked on Porrim’s behalf, and he got what was offered. With the distracting interval of his final mission being completed, Kankri had almost forgotten about meeting up with his best friend and his therapist on Saturday. No. He should rephrase – meeting up with them _today_.

He wasn’t nervous for himself, more for Cronus. He hadn’t met the fire that was Porrim Maryam. She was probably going to be even more protective than normal because he’s never been romantically or sexually invested in someone before. Since she was the only one in his life that could give ‘acceptance’ of his future relationship, it was difficult for him not to worry. He had primped himself the best he could, clothes freshly clean and a pair of gloves in his side bag just in case he couldn’t handle the dirt for that long; he was trying. He had purposely taken out the sanitizer and wipes because he wasn’t going to touch anything; hands would be in his pockets at all-time unless it was to eat or the small chance he would be able to hold Cronus’ hand.

Porrim tooted her horn outside, loudly signalling him of her arrival, he hadn’t the courage to go on public transport alone and it was a new experience being in Porrim’s car. It seems she had tried to clean it as much as she could with her non-obsessive eye for detail, but Kankri could see all the nooks and crannies that had not been wiped down. _Don’t think about it. You can survive a fifteen minute ride. The dirt isn’t going to infect you._  

He tried to distract himself with small talk about how busy it was today, with the weekend shopping happening and all. Porrim was happy to play along, knowing that her friend was nervous. She even played some tunes from the radio quietly as background noise, but most of it was boy band shit that Kankri wasn’t that interested in, they all sounded the same and sung about the same topics. It was white noise and that was all Kankri needed right now, he was worrying too much. For all he knows, both Cronus and Porrim could click instantly and become the best of friends, they could also be enemies at first sight but he wasn’t going to think negatively right now.

“So what’s he like?” Porrim picked up a new conversation as she stopped at the traffic lights, glancing over at her anxious friend. Kankri fumbled for a moment, twiddling his fingers together and tried his best to describe what his therapist was like; he’s handsome for sure, a beautiful smile and an addictive laugh, he’s positive and always makes sure that people around him are feeling good about themselves, he loves animals as much if not more than people. But that wasn’t just it, he could go on for hours about the dimples in Cronus’ cheek when he’s happy, or the way he would always make sure the area around them was a comfortable as possible. How he uses involving language and encourages Kankri to just do the best he can, he doesn’t push. He takes everything in his stride and doesn’t get angry; Kankri has never seen him lose his temper once, impatient sure but not angry. Before he could say more, Porrim had parked her car and was unstrapping her seatbelt. “He sounds like a dream, Kanny. Can’t wait to meet him.”

It appeared Porrim had used his mind to sway away from the impending meeting, distracting him to think about Cronus. Smart move, Maryam. They exited the car and while Kankri was still in the right mind and made their way into the mall, he kept close as if that would help him to not get bumped into. Porrim checked her watch and slowed her pace, stating that they were a little early. Kankri didn’t mind that, he usually came earlier than the meetings just to make sure where he would go wasn’t full of germs, it might appear strange to his guests if he was sanitizing his seat or the area around where they would sit. Thankfully Kankri had gotten past that point, and just dealt with being in public with the mental wall of ‘ _it’s not going to infect you, you can do_ _this_ ’.

Getting into the café was easy; there weren’t many people in there, just a family and a couple staring lovingly into each other’s eyes like they were the only ones in the room. He wished that would be him one day. One of the waitresses recognised him smiling brightly and kept her distance but asked if he wanted to use the same table as before. He declined politely and sat in a seat near the window that had four seats. He felt a little guilty that one of the seats wouldn’t be used but when Porrim plonked her heavy handbag on the seat he didn’t have that worry anymore. They had ordered and were waiting for their drinks to arrive before Kankri could see Cronus walking this way. He quickly sat up straight and waved his hands to his friend, pointing where his therapist was in the crowd. Porrim had to turn her head twice with a soft chuckle. “Well you weren’t kidding about him being handsome.”

Cronus had spotted Kankri a while ago so it was easy when he entered the café with the utmost confidence, nodding his head in a greeting to the staff. He sat on Kankri’s side of the table and took a moment to relax into his chair before greeting the ever so voluptuous friend. All he could think for a moment was _globes_ , but thankfully his eyes didn’t wander long enough to be caught. She had some knockers on her, holy shit. Reaching over the table, Cronus held his hand out with a graceful smile and Porrim took it, giving him a much firmer hand than he was expecting. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Cronus, Kankri’s therapist.”

“And boyfriend.”

“ _Porrim_!”

Well she was straight to the point he had to give her that. He released a soft chuckle under his breath while Kankri fumed with embarrassment, he could tell the little brunette was trying his best to keep to himself. If this is what it’s like being with Porrim all through the work day, no wonder Kankri was worried about them all meeting. He waved his hand to no one in general, keeping his dimpled smile; it didn’t matter that she was bold because he liked that in a person. It seemed Porrim was a supportive friend if she was willing enough to have a gathering together with a person she doesn’t know, only following on word-of-mouth.

Cronus could admire a woman like this; she had her head set straight and knew what she wanted. Before they could talk anymore, the waitress came over to place both Kankri and Porrim’s drinks on the table, asking him what he wanted to order. Having a quick look at the menu he decided on a strawberry milkshake, internally preening when Kankri’s cheeks flushed. With that aside, they began their meeting with the basics. It would be much easier to talk about the more important things if the other person had a background to work from. So with a couple of questions thrown either way, both Porrim and Cronus could relax and focus on the main event of the whole meeting; Kankri.

Kankri was watching the whole back and forth from his friend and his therapist, _boyfriend_ , for some time now. They had only stopped when Cronus’ order had arrived. He stayed quiet apart from a couple interruptions to remind Porrim of her language and for Cronus to go into depth about what he was saying. Sipping from his sweetened coffee, Kankri just sat back and watched with a small sense of pride bubbling in his chest. These were the people most important to him and they were getting along naturally, if not a little slowly due to it being their first interaction. With time they should get along just fine. They spoke about their lives long enough, Cronus waved the waitress over with a friendly smile, ordering some cake to go along with his milkshake and Porrim followed suit with some pie and a refill of her lemonade. Kankri shook his head when the waitress glanced at him, she wrote everything down in his notepad and strode away to get right on it, leaving them to speak once more.

“Enough simple talk. So, you want to be with Kanny?” Porrim spoke up, sucking from her straw nonchalantly. Cronus choked for a moment and thumped his chest, clearing his airways once more so he could speak. Kankri just as red though he kept his composure, giving his friend a small glare and getting a citrusy grin in return.

Cronus didn’t know what to say to that, apart from yes. _Hell yes._ He’d wanted to be with Kankri for so long now and the fact they were this close now was unbelievable. At first he thought it would be impossible because of assuming Kankri was straight but after a couple of sessions he was sure that wasn’t true. Then came the impossibility of work; with their contracts he’s not allowed to be in a relationship with anyone he considers a patient. Still, swallowing his mouthful of milkshake, he spoke as calmly as he could knowing this would be the first time either he or Kankri would have said something so bold. “That’s right. But not right now, due to him being under my care it would make it seem like I was pressuring for a relationship. Once he feels like he doesn’t need me to help him with his phobia, and we finish the sessions, I would like to take him out and spoil him like I think he should.”

“Cronus…” The soft voice made Cronus pause, glancing over at his patient and witnessing the way his blush coated over his freckles like pink powder. Those eyes were brimming with an adoration that he’d never seen before. In that moment he wanted to have a photogenic memory so he could snap a picture to remember that look forever, keep it locked in his mind. For a moment it was silent on that table, the two men looking at each other almost as if they were peering through their eyes at their inner soul. Porrim didn’t want to interrupt the moment, unlocking her phone and checking her messages while she enjoyed the remainder of her lemonade. Their soul staring had to end swiftly though as the waitress came over with a tray of all their orders, setting down the plates of food and Porrim’s refill.

Thanking the waitress and waiting a moment for her to be out of earshot, Cronus sucked from his straw and swallowed the cold slush of creamy strawberry goodness. He was trying to act nonchalant. It probably wasn’t working with the way his eyes were filled to the brim with desperation for her permission. Also he and Kankri staring into each other’s eyes was a big give away to how much he – _both_ of them cared for each other. He falsely coughed into his fist and got a grimace from his patient, badly hiding it under his palm. “So, do I have your approval?”

She already knew the answer to that, but she was a sadist. Admiring the two faces in front of her, one wanting acceptance with all he has and the other full of worry for the outcome. Porrim hummed and sipped some of her lemonade, her eyes ever leaving either one of theirs. Pulling away from the straw, she nodded her head in affirmation. “If you hurt him I’ll break your balls, understood?”

“Yes, thank you. I understand completely.” Cronus was trying his best to not cheer, grinning like a prisoner who just got told he’s free to go. Turning to Kankri, he leaned in for an embrace but hesitated. He was still a patient right now and he still had a phobia to be overcome, he couldn’t be touched all willy-nilly. Kankri seemed to understand the pause and reached a bare hand out, grabbing Cronus’ shirt and pulling him the rest of the way, wrapping his arms around his therapist’s waist. It was an awkward angle but neither of them cared because this was their first step in being a couple; they had consent from Kankri’s friend to continue their relationship however far it would take them. The milestone to be stepped over was complete, now all they had to do was finish their contract by helping Kankri control his fear and they would be together to start another chapter in their lives.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to post! Lots of personal stuff has happened.
> 
> I've cut this chapter short because it was already hitting 10,000 words, but the next chapter will be posted next week!

Meeting with Porrim brought on a fire under Cronus’ ass, he wanted to get everything figured out and now he had a clear path. First, he was going to help his patient get through his phobia until he could control it on his own. Second, he was going to date the _fuck_ out of Kankri for many years to come grow old together and all that shit. Third, maybe marry him and adopt as many kids as they could handle before dying together all wrinkly and in love.

Well, a man could dream.

But he was being serious about making sure Kankri took power over his mysophobia. What kind of life would he live if he was subjected to being in fear of the unknown? So far, it was already ruining everything he was attempting to achieve like his job and his social life. Cronus wanted to make sure that the fear would never again take over, so he could be go out without wearing gloves, be free to go wherever he wanted without something constantly blocking his way. When they left the café and continued on with their day, Cronus went back to his job in deep thought. Although he was over the moon that he was accepted and could continue his relationship, he wasn’t out of the woods just yet, it was up to him to take responsibility for Kankri’s health. As a therapist, he would treat his patient with the utmost care and make sure he pulls through the other end as a more confident man.

Their next session the following week was focused more on Kankri’s background, since they had completed his list of things he felt uncomfortable about. It was refreshing just to talk to each other without hiding who they were, Kankri sitting next to Cronus on the plush sofa a small distance kept between them in case someone should enter. Cronus laid the folder on his lap, turning to a fresh page to write some notes before starting. “Tell me about your childhood.”

“What about it?” There was a lot to say about his family, he’s already spoken about it and didn’t know what else to say. He repeated the gist of it; his father being a retired priest who controlled his way of thinking, his brother being a hot head who just wanted to be free of his father. The arguments, the constant praying every night, everything he did wrong were reprimanded as a sin. The longing for something more than just being a priest, the heartbreak when he wasn’t allowed to pursue his childhood dream.

“Are you still in touch with any of them?” Maybe catching up with his past, letting out all the things he’s ever wanted to say to his family could help him with overcoming this fear completely. It was reaching in the dark but if it could help Kankri in the slightest then they could at least give it a try. He watched the way his patient sat up straighter with his face twisting in thought, nose scrunching up and eyes narrowing as he focused on a tissues box on the table. He knew the brunette was already in his own little world. Sometimes Cronus just wanted Kankri to take him to wherever he goes, searching through his mind for all his hidden secrets within.

Kankri blinked out of his thoughts and shrugged, he didn’t know what else to say. He knew his father was probably disappointed in both of them but it was his own fault for being so controlling over the both of them. He remembered seeing his younger brother screaming at his father when they got back from the church, how angry they both were as they migrated around the living room. Karkat had enough of his father pushing him around and finally pushed back, going to his room; his father probably though the won but _he_ knew Karkat needed that extra kick to finally leave. He remembers peeking into his brother’s room and seeing him with a duffel bag, trying to shove as many of his belongings into it as possible. “I have Karkat’s number but I’ve never called. We both aren’t in touch with my father, my brother left before me and when father let his anger out on me I just…”

“If it would be alright with you, I’d like you to give him a call. You both went through the same thing; you can share that pain together as siblings.” Kankri didn’t know if that was the right thing to do, cringing at the idea. Sure, if he spoke to his brother once more they would probably have a lot to say about their past but it would also be dragging all those nasty demons that created who they were today. He was going to trust his therapist with everything he had, to guide the two of them through their traumatising memories and out the other side to a place where both of them could be more at peace. It would be good to finally speak to his brother and get some weight off his shoulders, and answers to his many questions.

Going into his bag to find his phone, Kankri took a deep breath and pulled it out. Now that he actually had a mobile, he finally put his brother’s number into action and plugged it in. He went through his contacts until he found Karkat and let out his lungful of air. “I can’t do it.”

“Yes you can, Kan. I’m here for you.” Watching Kankri’s hands start to shake he couldn’t help but rest a hand on his patient’s knee. If someone were to walk in and see in that moment, he didn’t care right now. It was obvious to see Kankri needed that extra bit of support.

“What would I even say? ‘hello it’s your brother, we haven’t spoken for nine years let’s catch up’?”

“If you feel like that’s what you want to say. The words will come to you, trust me.” Kankri let out another sigh and shook his head before pressing the dial; let’s just hope Cronus was right about that.

Putting it up to his ear, Kankri heard the ringer continue for what felt like years. It was as if his phone was trying to contact that fifteen year old who packed his bag and left without so much as a hug goodbye, just a number scribbled down and handed over before disappearing into the night. He could feel his hands becoming more clammy with every tone before it suddenly stopped, making the man sit up and gulp. Except it wasn’t his brother who answered. “Hello, Makara residence.”

“Um, uh.”

“Hello?”

He didn’t know what to say, the words were stuck in his throat and he just kept silent. The voice repeated once more before Cronus took over, taking the phone and pressing it to his own ear. “Yes, sorry about that. Is Karkat Vantas there?”

Kankri just sat and watched his therapist talk to the voice, nodding his head occasionally and responding while grabbing his pen once more. “May I ask for his mobile number?” 

He was so calm about everything he did, like it created no effort for him. Cronus wrote the number down and thanked the person on the phone before hanging up and passing it back with an apologetic smile. It was amazing how he just does thing in his stride, without any sign of regret. Letting his mobile drop in his lap, Kankri leaned closer until he pressed his lips gently to Cronus’, only to have the man lean back with a soft chuckle. “Not on the clock, remember we could get in trouble.”

“Ah, um. Sorry, I was in a different mind-set. So you got my brother’s new number?” Cronus ripped the number from his notes, handing it over so Kankri could edit Karkat’s number on his phone. It was obvious that the number wouldn’t be Karkat’s considering it was years ago that it was given to him, but it was still frustrating. Dialling the number once more and listening to the ringing, Kankri wouldn’t wimp out this time. It rang once, twice, it kept going. Kankri didn’t think his brother would answer until the ringing stopped and that irritated tone he knew so well answered as if the call had offended him already.

“Who is this?”

Hearing his voice after so long yet already knowing it was his brother’s, he couldn’t help but tear up. It was just like he remembered it; angry at the world, irritated by air itself. His eyes watered until he could barely see in front of him, everything in blurry pictures but he refused to let them cascade down his cheeks, quickly wiping them away and sniffing. He couldn’t do much but squeak out a quick answer to Karkat’s rude question. “It’s me.”

“Who the fuck is _me_? I feel sympathy for you if your parents decided to name you a fucking _pronoun_.” Ah, as expressive as ever. He remembers being on the receiving end of this offensive sarcasm for so long and finding it hilarious, it only made him laugh harder when his brother’s ears would get red from how loud he was yelling. He was trying so hard but Kankri couldn’t be angry at Karkat, and with the way his brother obviously evaded his triggers at the time, he knew that the younger Vantas truly cared about him.

He couldn’t help but let out a soft, airy laugh. Oh how he missed that childish venom, he didn’t even realise how much. If it was going to be this easy, why didn’t he just do this sooner and not drag it out for years? He copied what he used to say whenever he was in hearing range of Karkat’s salty tongue. “Language, Karkat. It’s your brother.”

The line was silent for a moment, but for Kankri it felt like decades and all he could hear was his brother’s breath being caught in the receiver of the phone. He didn’t know what to say, and neither did Karkat, but both of them didn’t want to end the call. Cronus let the silence continue, resting his hand on his patient’s knee in encouragement. It was kind of pathetic but it was the anchor he needed, laying his hand atop Cronus’ and after a couple of minutes he finally found his voice once more. “It’s been so long, and I don’t know if you want me to be around. But. Um, I’d like to see you. If that’s alright with you? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No! Shit uh, fuck.”

“Language – “

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Sure. Let’s just, let’s see each other.” Kankri broke out into a smile, his cheeks starting to hurt while his brother spoke on the phone about his destination. He wasn’t surprised that Karkat was in a different state; he always wanted to be as far from his father as possible. It would take a week since this was such short notice and Karkat’s job needed his every minute of his attention, so they planned to see each other next week. He gave his older brother the details and for a moment Kankri felt a surge of anxiety once again because that would mean he would have to get on a plane, air tight with people’s germs, for a large period of time. He doesn’t think he’s ready for that but glancing over at Cronus, he gulped his fears and wrote down the time and the date. He _will_ do it, for Karkat, for Cronus. For _himself_. He would need to figure out the plane times though, and then he’d let Karkat know over another call. “Whatever, yeah. Talk to you soon I guess.”

“Yes, speak soon brother.” With that, the youngest of the Vantas family hung up without another word, leaving Kankri to let his phone down onto his lap and lean back against the sofa. He didn’t let go of Cronus’ hand or he feared he would fly away with how lightheaded he felt. Not that the therapist was complaining, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the top of Kankri’s hand, keeping silent for now while his patient came to terms with what he just did and how amazing it was. Kankri honestly thought it would turn sour; like Karkat not wanting to speak to him, or the Makara household not knowing his brother’s number and having that over his head forever more. He’s relieved to say the least.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Lifting his eyes to Cronus’ affectionate ones, Kankri let out a breath of gratification and sat back up. He wouldn’t have done it without Cronus being there to support him every step of the way, heck, he couldn’t have done the things he was _doing_ without Cronus. He was so pleased he took the step to get therapy, or he wouldn’t have come this far, he would still be in fear of touching a _doorknob_ without gloves. Look at him now; overcoming his phobia one milestone at a time, repairing his relationship with his brother, and a partner who would take care of him and understand his thought process. He was healing steadily and he only had Cronus to thank for that.

He couldn’t take it right now, leaning forward and capturing Cronus’ lips ever so gently, enough that his therapist could pull away if it was inappropriate. But Cronus didn’t retreat, quite the opposite. So much for keeping it professional. Their lips melded against each other’s like a perfect symphony of mechanics, he didn’t flinch back when Cronus’ tongue slipped through his parted lips because it didn’t feel dirty, it was probably germ ridden but it wasn’t _wrong_. He loved it, the feel of his tongue with Cronus’, dancing around each other like old friends seeing each other after a long time apart.

In the back of his mind, Cronus knew this wasn’t the right thing to do. This was his work, and while it was unlikely that someone would randomly walk in and see them, it was still a possible risk that he shouldn’t play with. Still, he didn’t want to stop. So fuck stopping right now because he hasn’t felt Kankri’s lips for days, and he loves every minute of being this close with the smaller brunette. Times like these his mind wanders to a future time when Kankri wasn’t under his care and he could be open, maybe they’d live together and he could watch Kankri play with Pygmy. He could wake up next to the other man, the curtains open and sending a halo of sunrise to glow across Kankri’s skin, he imagines what his bed hair would look like. What he thought of the most, was rolling in the covers with the tanned man, feeling him unleash moans that he had been afraid to hold in before, and not being ashamed to love something that he once found disgusting. Of course, if Kankri wasn’t going to be comfortable with something like that, he could handle keeping those fantasies locked away for when he’s alone.

Right now, he was with a Kankri who was willingly kissing him, allowing him to hold his hand and cup his cheeks and feel down his sweater. Letting his hands wander everywhere it could that wouldn’t make him uncomfortable. Kankri kept his hands either to Cronus’ shoulders or gripping the therapist’s shirt, not yet ready to let his hands roam however they pleased. He couldn’t stop himself from letting out feeble moans every time Cronus hands rubbed over the usually untouched parts of his chest; it seems his therapist was infatuated with his nipples for some strange reason.

They pulled away from each other before it got too hot for them to return. As soon as they broke apart Cronus just wanted it lean back in and claim those lips again because _fuck_ , they were pouty and lush from being used all of a sudden. Kankri let his hand slip down Cronus’ body until they were once again lying limply in his lap. “I need to um, I want to say something.”

“Shoot.”

“While it might not be obvious, I just. I’m a traditional person, Cronus.” Fidgeting with the ends of his sleeves, it was clear to Kankri how this may seem like a ploy. That he’s just egging Cronus on this goose chase by giving him something to keep him interested, and then pulling away so the man would have to fight for him. He really did feel that way though; he’d always been the type of guy that loves to be cared for, and he likes taking things slow so he can get comfortable with them. Since Cronus is his first partner, it would most certainly be appropriate for him to at least give it a shot.

Cronus lifted a plucked eyebrow in confusion before it hit him; Kankri wanted to be _wooed_. Well shit, he could do that. If he wanted to do it the old fashioned way with flowers, kisses at the doorsteps and date nights then who’s he to complain? That just means he gets to pamper Kankri more and honestly what the fucks wrong with that? Nothing. “I can do that, no problem.”

He reached forward and took Kankri’s hands in his own taking him away from playing with his distraction. Instead he just patted the man’s hand and then brought it up to his lips, giving the knuckles a kiss and grinning at the reaction he received. Kankri’s face was such a pretty picture; beet red and eyes cast away from him in embarrassment. “Beautiful.”

“Cronus…” He could only murmur his partner’s name, the sinking feeling in his gut being replaced for butterflies. He doesn’t know how the man does it, but he’s always swooning over him. For now he would have all of this to look forward to when Cronus was putting him in the limelight.

 

\--

 

A couple of days went by with the impending tickets of the flight booked for next week hanging over both of their heads. It was better this way, Kankri could prepare himself mentally for the plane ride and Cronus could plan ahead to take a week off work. They didn’t need to know the details about his life. Also it gave Cronus a week to surprise Kankri in hopes that it would take his mind of the impending anxiety he knew the man was going through. He’d already given the man flowers at his work, surprising most of the office because _who even knew Kankri was getting out there in the dating world?_

He and Porrim had been working close together in order for him to find out the things Kankri liked and disliked. She had been eager to assist, knowing that it was spoiling her dear friend and also she loved watching Cronus squirm under her gaze. He had found a way to, magically, not keep glancing down at her cleavage that she seemed to always have on display in some way. Which was a feat in itself because _globes_. They found the best treats for Kankri, such as sea salted chocolate from a store nearby, he apparently loved the candy from there. Also he found restaurants that he could take Kankri to, and knowing his phobia, he could make sure that the places he found were perfect in every way.

Planning it was one thing. Taking Kankri out and giving him the treats was another. If his imagination was anything to go by, the real thing was even better. He imagined what Kankri’s face looked like when he was taken out or given flowers; surprised but trying to hold it in because he was embarrassed to have emotions in public. Now though, standing in front of the smaller man on his door step with a bunch of rainbow flowers and a beam that could quite possibly light up a Vegas, it was better than his imagination could ever create.

It took a moment for Kankri to fathom what was happening. In front of him, Cronus was holding out the most colourful bouquet of flowers he’s ever seen. They ranged from red to blue, from yellow and orange to purples and even some spotted flowers in the middle to add some extra interest; they were beautiful. It was even wrapped in a blend of striped paper so he wouldn’t have to touch the stems, this man thought of everything. “Oh _Cronus_.”

Going through all this trouble, even though he was the one who wanted it, it was amazing. The dinners, the flowers, the gifts, everything he was doing must have cost so much but for Cronus it didn’t appear to bother him one bit. Kankri wasn’t vain, he couldn’t be won over by a man flashing his wallet around, it was mostly the fact that someone would go this far just to woo him. He never thought it would go on for this long; that Cronus would just get bored of not getting any action with is attempts and give up.

He was speechless, and Cronus could tell he wasn’t going to get anything out of him for the moment, so without further ado he reached into his pocket to take out a slim sheet of paper and lifting up so the other man could read it. He made it on his computer but tried to make it look fancy with some squiggly lines in the corners and freestyle looking font so it created a posh feel to it. _You are formally invited to Cronus Ampora’s wine and dine extravaganza._ “Dinner? At mine? Say um, eight?”

Taking the flowers from the man’s outstretched grasp, he gave a sniff and let a smile flicker across his face. They smelled so sweet, like nectar that hadn’t been sucked out just yet. “I don’t know what to say, I – “

“Say yes?” His face reads hope but he’s anticipating to be let down, and Kankri couldn’t help his insides softening with the kicked puppy appearance. He leant against the doorframe and also snagged the invitation leaflet from Cronus’ hands.

“It’s five thirty, Cronus…”

“Did I leave it too late? Shit, do you have other plans?” Watching the way the man took a step back all guilty, and it crushed him a little inside. He plucked a red flower from the bouquet and leaned over in attempt to slide the stem behind the other man’s ear and struggling with it when Cronus helped, a tentative smile returning to his lips.

Accepting the date with a nod of his head, he stepped aside to let the man inside his apartment while he tried to find a vase that would fit thirty-something flowers. Cronus had been here before but he still found it adorable that the man would take his sneakers off at the door and purposely make sure they were neatly placed with the other shoes before checking his clothes to make sure he had no muck that would flake off onto the carpet. Digging through the cupboard until he found something remotely the size that would do for now and wandered into the kitchen to fill it with water. He set the bouquet on the counter to be primped to his satisfaction and poked his head round the corner in order to ask his guest if he wanted a drink, Cronus was sitting in the living room with one leg crossed over the other, his hands holding a knee. “No thanks babe, I was just wondering if you needed help with the flowers before leaving again. I didn’t know if you’d want to touch the flowers or not.”

“There’s no bother, I can handle it.”

“Yeah, I’m proud of you for that. Look how far you’ve come.” Cronus scratched the back of his head with a soft chuckle; he really is proud not only as a therapist but as his partner. To see how far he’s pushed himself, to go out of his comfort zone in order to get past the phobia that’s practically taken control of his life. He’s stepping on it and throwing it out the metaphorical window. Damn right he couldn’t be more proud. It’s been a while since someone accepted his attempt at a home cooked meal, so he wanted a lot of time to prepare the best of the best for Kankri.

He stood up as the brunette stepped back into the kitchen to slot the flowers in the vase and carrying them to the table, setting them neatly in the middle. He couldn’t help wrapping his arms around Kankri’s waist from behind and grinning into those vanilla smelling locks when Kankri leant back against his chest. “Well if this dinner is at eight, I’ll need to get ready. _You_ will need to make the dinner, if you haven’t already.”

“Nah, it’s totally getting cold right now.” He couldn’t help but laugh when Kankri paused and turned around to give him a surprised expression. This guy was too gullible. Pecking his forehead, Cronus scribbled down the address to his flat and left Kankri to get ready on his own, stepping into his shoes and letting himself out the door. He was excited; he hadn’t felt this eager for a dinner date in ages. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do about Pygmy just yet, heck, he doesn’t even know if Kankri _likes_ cats. But right now when he sits in his car and pulls his seatbelt over his thumping heart, he wants every moment to be perfect. He had a little less than three hours to make an experience Kankri won’t forget for a while.

He had to make something that would wow the socks off Kankri, but at the same time would be easy for him to make because he wasn’t the best at cooking. But it couldn’t be spaghetti because they’ve already had that at Kankri’s, he had to come up with something not Italian based. So, once he got home he rushed through his fridge and freezer for anything he could conjure up, if he couldn’t find anything then he would have to rush to the store for a quick fix. Luckily, he spotted a leg of lamb and that he can roast with some mint sauce, potatoes and vegetables both roasted and steamed, pulling out all the stops for his lad.

Setting everything out onto the counter, he let them all defrost painstakingly slow while he went to get his IPod and a speaker because he honestly couldn’t work without music beating through his limbs. Finding both and plugging them into the wall, he started up his favourite playlist and turned the music up so he could focus on getting the food cooked and ready. The lamb would obviously take the longest but with it being frozen he would have to defrost it first, so he put it in the microwave and let the ice melt off a little so he could prepare it enough. Pygmy mewled loudly before he could hear padding down his hallway then a tiny sleek face appeared round the corner, it’s not surprising that Cronus could hear the kitten; Pygmy was small but she could belt out a meow like no other cat he’s heard before. He was proud of her lungs. She paraded into the kitchen and nudged her face against his leg but right now Cronus was far too busy with handling the frozen food to pet his cat. “Not now angel, Daddy’s making dinner for your possible _other_ dad.”

Pygmy didn’t seem to care about her impending guardians, or the internal crisis that Cronus was going through with his plan to make roast lamb, she just wanted to be fed and the clanging of pots and pans just interested her more. Cronus was going round in circles from the sink to the counter, then the oven to place pans on the stove, then back to the counter to cut up the potatoes and vegetables, then to the microwave to get the lamb out now that it was softened up. She jumped up on the table where one of her beds were and observed the flailing from her owner, licking one of her front paws, she would just wait until he gave her attention and if that wasn’t soon enough for her liking then she would just have to voice her annoyance on the issue.

Meanwhile, Kankri was half panicking because while Cronus has been over his apartment for a couple times, he hasn’t been invited over to _his_. He’s got Porrim on the phone and his wardrobe open, trying to get her help on the issue of fashion. His hair is pulled back with a headband so his fringe wouldn’t come on his face while it had a moisturising mask on; what? He was just as worried about having clear skin with no grease as much as anyone else, plus they made his skin smell delicious. “Honestly, I’m deciding over just coming in my sweater again.”

He heard an over the top, dramatic gasp come over the line of the speaker and he could picture her face doing that thing where she looked like a mother disappointed in her child who walked mud on her perfectly white carpet. “Oh my god Kanny, I will burn it in front of you if you ever wear that on a date. He’s seen you in it enough times, do you ever wash it?”

“First of all, I’m not even going to mention how rude that was. Second, I wash it all the time, it’s comfortable and warm. You’re not helping me, tell me what I should wear!” He could feel his face seizing up and new the mask was working, so if his outfit was a disaster then at least he could distract Cronus with how wonderfully smooth and clean his face was. Porrim let out a sigh and went through the outfits Kankri has ever worn in front of him that were smart but kept that classy presence that would get Cronus’ attention.

“You’ve still got that cute red long-sleeved shirt right? The one with the buttons at the neck?”

Kankri took a moment to search for it but affirmed her suspicions on its location, taking it off the hanger to have a closer look. It wasn’t old, but it hadn’t been worn for a while and it showed from the crinkles, why did clean clothes get wrinkled up _even_ when they’re being hung? He shall never know. He could hear Porrim’s brain tick over as she tried to match trousers with the shirt, asking about the skinny denim jeans. “This could seem very casual for a date, Porrim.”

“Who knows their fashion around here? Hm?” Her sass could he heard loud and clear, making Kankri’s eyes roll while he dug through his drawers for said denim. He didn’t go out shopping very often so Porrim gave him ‘gifts’ which was another term for she didn’t want him wearing the same things and therefore bought him new clothes. Who knows why, maybe she’s offended that he only had four pairs of trousers and a couple shirts, and his sweater that she loathed so famously? Maybe she was being a good samaritan, buying clothes for the not-so-needy?

It didn’t matter what he thought it was because she loved spoiling him and making him look good, and that wouldn’t change anytime soon. No matter how many times he doubted her about the choices she made about his clothes she was always right and today was the same, when he matched his denim jeans with that red shirt, they just seemed to pop together. He let out a defeated sigh; he couldn’t help but bow down to her passion for fashion. “You do…”

“So let me work my magic, denim jeans, red shirt, and I remember you had a pair of boots?” He doesn’t know why she questions if he’s still got them, she bought them for him. Asked for his size and everything and surprised him at work with a shoe box with leather boots.

They were ankle high so he wouldn’t deem them boots, but still he answered Porrim’s question as he walked around getting the items ready to her perfect outfit. Needless to say when he put it all together it was like he had walked into a store and stole the clothes right off the model doll. Visualising it, he knew that the jeans would end at the ankle where the boots would cover, and the shirt was thick enough for him to not need a jumper but still gave a feel of reveal that would give him an edge of elegant sexiness. As Porrim would put it anyway, for him it was just clothes that he hoped Cronus would like. Then again Cronus would be over the moon with anything Kankri wore.

Speaking of, Cronus was dashing around with a toothbrush in his mouth, the lamb in the oven and checking the time every five minutes because _holy shit how did time move that quickly?_ He hasn’t picked out anything to wear, his boyfriend would be here any time now and he also didn’t clean up the living room and the table still had one of Pygmy’s beds on it, _what the fuck._ He was so screwed.

So here he was; running around in his underwear, toothpaste dribbling down his chin while he attempted to clean three places at once. All while he was tripping over the cat and finding the clothes in his closet that made his chest look sculpted by Michelangelo.

Well, none of them did the trick. But it was a dream.  

He shouldn’t panic so much, Kankri’s seen him before in his work clothes which to be quite frank, made him boxy. He knew Kankri wouldn’t say anything about his appearance anyway. He was more worried about making the place clean so his guest wouldn’t stress about what was simply wiped down and what was disinfected. Still, Kankri had actually moved past that stage by now, but being at someone’s apartment was knew to him and Cronus didn’t know if the man would revert to his old ways or would push himself to get through the night without having to grab the nearest dish rag.

He would soon have to find out; while he was checking how the food was happening, his shirt hung over the back of a chair because if the food spat on his shirt it would definitely stain and he was not having that tonight. Going into the bathroom and spitting into the sink when he heard the doorbell ring throughout the apartment. _How the fuck had it been three hours?_ At least he had trousers on, quickly grabbing Pygmy so she wouldn’t fly past Kankri and out the door the second it was opened. He set her in the feeding room and shut her inside, she had biscuits so at least she wouldn’t start complaining, rushing down the hallway and opening the door. “Hey – wow.”

Kankri hoped he wasn’t overdressing for the date, brushing his fringe away from his eyes subconsciously while he waited. He had taken Porrim’s advice about bringing something as a gift for the date so he actually went to a store and bought a bottle of champagne, he was nervous but if this date went awkward then he would feel proud in himself for going alone and paying for something without wearing his gloves. When the door swung open and Cronus appeared panting a little with a huge grin on his face and no shirt on, it was like his head just exploded. He didn’t say anything when Cronus’ eyes dragged down is body like he was the one taken aback? He was the one without a shirt on. He held the bottle up with a soft, shy smile. “May I come in?”

The second his hand touched the door handle, Cronus realised that he forgot to grab his shirt from the chair and he knew exactly why Kankri was trying to avert his eyes from his person. A small part of him was puffing his chest with self-confidence because he knew he looked good, but Kankri didn’t ask to see him half naked so he stepped aside to let the man in, his face flushing. At least Kankri got the ball rolling with bringing some alcohol. “Y-Yeah, sorry.”

Letting Cronus take the bottle and close the door behind them, Kankri stepped inside and knelt down to slip his ankle boots off. He would have to tell Porrim about the reaction he got to her outfit choices; he knew she would be pleased. He heard a soft mewl from further down the hallway once he stood up and went to investigate, glancing around at the picture hanging on the walls, either paintings or photographs framed they were all beautiful. Once he found where the meowing was coming from, Kankri opened the room and wasn’t that surprised that a cat zoomed out. They were gorgeous, sleek looking fur with a small tuft poofing at the base of their tail, their eyes a crystal blue when they lifted their head to mewl at him. He couldn’t help his voice squeaking higher when he knelt down and greeted the adorable kitten. “ _Hi_ , oh you’re so _precious_.”

He didn’t know where the cat had been so he didn’t reach out to touch them, but the kitten was more into Cronus obviously wanting something from the man. Cronus was too busy pulling a shirt over his head and going into the kitchen, setting the bottle of champagne on the counter. Now that he wasn’t preoccupied with the cute creature, he could smell a waft of deliciousness coming from the oven. “What’s for dinner?”

“Roast lamb, I hope you like it.” Now that he had a shirt on, he dug through his drawers to find his ugly apron. It was a gift from one of his friends at work, she knew how much he enjoyed cooking and so she gave him one of those tacky ones with ‘ _kiss the chef’_ written in bold writing. He tested how ready the lamb was with a knife, poking at the meat and tsking when it wasn’t ready yet. It would be soon though and he could handle that, turning to spot Kankri leaning on the counter with a soft smile. “So you like my cat?”

“I’ve always loved animals. I just don’t know where they’ve been so I tend not to pet them.”

“Ah, well. Pygmy doesn’t leave the apartment. She’s my princess.” He glanced down when he felt Pygmy brush up against his legs and chuckled when she gave him this look of _well? Aren’t you going to pamper me with treats?_ “She’s spoilt.”

Nodding in understanding, Kankri knelt down and held his hand out limply for Pygmy to sniff. Knowing she would get attention, she darted to the hand and brushed her chops against his fingers to scent mark him as her property. Once he was deemed not a threat, he stroked his hand over her back gently and preened internally at the way her motor started to work overtime, her purr loud and proud. Cronus didn’t know Kankri would be so into his kitten but he honestly couldn’t be happier with the outcome, the affection in his boyfriend’s eyes was something he would remember for a long time, hopefully forever. Soon enough she figured out that Kankri didn’t have any food for her and she yowled at Cronus hungrily, making him sigh softly and shrug his shoulders in defeat. “Alright, but you’re not getting any lamb.”

He led Pygmy over to the feeding room and collected a tin of her meal to mush into a bowl, leaving Kankri alone in the kitchen. He couldn’t help but have a peek in the oven and gasp at how delicious it most definitely was, he couldn’t wait to eat it. Also in the oven was potatoes and vegetables slowly roasting on the rack above the lamb. Cronus was going all out for him and he didn’t know if he was flattered or just falling deeper in love.

While Cronus was feeding his princess, Kankri got to work finding the glasses and popping open and bottle of champagne, pouring them halfway and searching the cupboard for plates and setting the table. By the time Cronus returned, Kankri was sitting at the table sipping his drink. “She’s a needy little thing.”

“So I see…” He chuckled and crossed a leg over the other, offering Cronus the other glass. He took it with a content lift of his lips and leaned down to give his boyfriend a peck. Kankri wasn’t expecting the kiss, letting out a small startled squeak that didn’t go amiss from the other man, whose face went from content to gleeful. Instead of going in for more, he turned toward the kitchen and checked on the lamb once more, leaving Kankri to wallow in his embarrassment for a moment.

Setting the glass on the counter, Cronus got to work with taking the food out the oven and placing them in bowls, carrying them over to the table to lay them out. In his family, they always made it so that each piece of food was in a different bowl so that everyone could get the amount they wanted. It was a win-win situation because it meant people wouldn’t complain if it was just plonked on their plate. Cronus took that to heart and still uses that today, setting down the potatoes in one bowl, the roasted vegetables in another and so on until all the food was set on the table. Kankri had wanted to help but Cronus sat him down with a chuckle, telling him this was his night to be spoiled.

After setting down the mint sauce and the gravy, Cronus lifted the knife and began cutting the lamb into slices to make it easier for the both. Pygmy entered the room again at that point and leapt up on one of the chairs, curling up with a yawn and starting to groom herself while the boys discussed about their day. It was easy to talk to each other; the chemistry between them flowed smoothly because they both trusted each other with their past and present, while wanting to share their future. Kankri groaned into his first mouthful of lamb, he couldn’t help it, it was juicy and just the right about of chewiness, he doesn’t know what Cronus did but he would gladly come round again just for another lamb dinner. He didn’t even feel humiliated of the noise he made it was that good and Cronus wasn’t complaining. While it was highly arousing hearing Kankri groan, he was pleased to be praised by someone he holds so dear. “Good?”

“Mmm, I could eat this forever.” He shut his eyes on his next forkful, wanting to taste every morsel that entered his mouth. Everything was perfect in that moment, Cronus was over the moon with how the date was turning out; Kankri loved his cat, moaning at his cooking skills, the man even brought alcohol. It couldn’t get better if they tried.

The two of them ate and once again dove into conversation, but this time Cronus had the light shone on his life. His past, albeit kind of boring to him, was still interesting to Kankri and he sucked it all in. He had an average childhood without anything major happening, he got bullied a small amount because of the music he liked and how he was into drama and the arts. He wanted to be in the theatre, that was his life-long dream as a child but as he grew older things started to change. He never stopped watching the oldies like Grease and Rebel Without a Cause, during most of his teenage years he dressed like a greaser with the slick back hair and the rolled up jeans, he didn’t even smoke but he always had a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He must have looked a state and his attitude was shit to accompany it. Obvious to say he didn’t get many love interests from all of that.

Kankri covered his mouth with his fist while he tried not to laugh, and Cronus couldn’t even be upset that he was amused by it. His teenage hood was a joke and he was so thankful that it ended when he left high school. Going into university with a new mind-set that he would distance himself from the person he used to be that caused so much offense to other people, he went into psychology. He wanted to figure out the reason behind attraction, why people were interested in different things and hated others, he wanted to know how people’s minds worked. Why people could bully and some would just take it without fighting back. He wanted to know _why_.

He didn’t get the answer but it made him want to help others even if he didn’t know. In his second year of university he got so hyped up on knowing about phobias because his roommate was terrified of the dark, he was the first patient Cronus had. He helped his roommate through an exposure and while it wasn’t the best due to not being trained in that field, it helped the guy enough that he could sleep without the light on. Knowing that he actually made someone get over their fear, it empowered him, made him feel so good. So he continued, all through the rest of his school he pursued this want to assist people, until he found a job in a counselling office.  

“So you went straight out of college into the job you’ve wanted for so long? Sounds like the perfect life.” Kankri chewed his mouthful of lamb in thought and Cronus scoffed, thinking back to his first job. While at the time it was the best he thought it could be, it definitely wasn’t. He was the lowest of the low, a coffee maker to the therapists and took all their shit for about eight months until he realised that he would have to be doing this for years until he wanted to job in that building. So he quit and went to find another job in this area.

He jumped from counselling jobs to youth group assisting until he finally found this job, helping people through their phobias, exposing them to their fears like he did back in university. “If I didn’t go through all that, I wouldn’t have met you. I suppose I should thank my roommate, wherever he is.”

Kankri nodded his head and warmed a little inside when Cronus reached over and held his hand, he squeezed gently back. He was curious though, rubbing his thumb over his hand as his mind went through the information Cronus told him. “When did you know you liked men?”

Cronus blinked for a moment and leaned back in his chair with a shrug, lifting his glass to his lips and sipped his champagne. “I’m not interested in _just_ men, I like everyone. Men, women, trans, people who don’t go into any binary and people who fit into all of them.”

Kankri frowned, not really understanding the full gist of what Cronus was saying but he didn’t need to. Cronus was happy with whoever he loved and right now he was in a relationship with him. That’s all he needed to know. When asked the same question with a soft murmur against the glass, Kankri had to glance away at the sleeping kitten in the chair nearby. “In my later teens. I just, the attraction for guys and girls was just. I don’t know. Natural?”

“Being attracted to people is just as natural as if you’re not attracted. We’re all different.” Cronus leaned closer and gave his lips a peck before standing up, offering his hand out for Kankri’s glass so he could refill. “Had enough dinner?”

“I want more but I know I’ll explode if I do.” Kankri let out a giggle as he rubbed a hand over his stomach, mournfully peering over the food that would most likely be boxed up and into the fridge for leftovers in a later date. He stood up and followed the man into the kitchen, viewing Cronus pour their drinks and felt the bubble of domestic rise in his throat at the sight. He wanted to do this every day, to fall asleep with a full stomach from Cronus’ cooking and wake up by his side in the morning. Having coffee with him to wake up for their jobs, petting his cat in the afternoon coming home, making dinner together and maybe kissing in bed. Or, anything else.

He didn’t know what happened, one moment he was leaning against the counter while Cronus filled their glasses with alcohol and the next he was in Cronus’ arms, their lips moulded into one another. He didn’t know if it was Cronus who started licking into his mouth or him and he _certainly_ didn’t know if a kiss was meant to be this heated. Their bodies were flush against each other, his back pressed up to the counter while Cronus’ hands wandered up and down his sides. His hands kept situated on his partner’s cheeks, feeling them move beneath his palms. Maybe the surge of confidence was enough for him to follow Cronus’ lead but with his eyes closed he felt safer in the other man’s hold.

They moved from the kitchen to the living room, where Kankri was seated on a plush sofa. He didn’t really care where he was at the moment because Cronus’ lips were back on his and they were making his voice do this weird needy sound. It seemed to make his partner more eager to oblige with his lips and tongue, his hands once again moving along his body.

Cronus was mapping everything to memory with his body, learning what places made Kankri gasp, arch into his touch and what he leaned away from. He appears he loved it when his bottom lip was sucked and nibbled on, his hands gripping his own shirt in attempt to pull him closer. When his fingers slipped under that red shirt every so slightly to touch the soft skin underneath, Kankri’s body broke out in goosebumps. He followed the smaller man when he leant back against the sofa, letting Cronus have control over the situation which he was happy to take over.

He took Kankri’s hands, made them move to his clothed chest and down his sides to his hips, whispering against his lips that he could touch anywhere he wanted. Kankri’s reply was just a whimper which he delightfully swallowed down in their next kiss. Kankri was hesitant but he let his fingers gently travel across his chest and stomach, feeling the slightly toned muscle there, it wasn’t much but Cronus could hope that was what his boyfriend was touching. His own hands had migrated down to Kankri’s thighs, rubbing them up and down not too close but not too far that it teased.

It was like Kankri had gone from this shy creature to some well experienced sex bomb. With the silent permission he had gotten and fingers moving around wherever they pleased, he got to work with meshing his tongue with Cronus’. Tasting him. why had he held back so long if kissing Cronus, _feeling_ him, felt like this? He was still apprehensive about the lower area having not touched there before but right now this is all he wanted. He ever so timidly lifted his hips when Cronus’ hand rubbed up near his crotch and that was enough of a message for the other man to cup his crotch.  

So much for taking things slow, and being traditional with their relationship. But at this moment with Cronus’ hand between his legs? He _really_ didn’t care.

A quick squeeze of his crotch landed Kankri with no air in his lungs and his grip tightening on Cronus’ shirt. His gasp broke the passionate kiss and hands flew quickly to his shoulders to hold on tight when he squeezed _again_. “Cronus…”

“I’m here, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Cronus was impressed that the man had even gone _this_ far, he would be content if they stopped now. But instead of halting, Kankri just leant in to his space and pressed their lips together once more for a moment, his hands shaky as they held purchase on his cheeks. As if that would help with holding the man’s attention.

With Cronus pulling his hand away from Kankri’s jeans, he let his boyfriend hold his face. Kankri’s speech stuttered while he spoke, his mind trying to dig through the fog of sudden arousal. “I don’t um. I don’t want there to be all the touching. With the, um, down there.”

It wasn’t like he _wanted_ to stop but if it was going to turn hot then he would rather it end now rather than later when his mind would go toward his urges than think rationally. Cronus nodded his head and sat back, holding his arms open for Kankri to move where he wanted. Whatever his partner wanted to do he would follow unconditionally. They sat together for a moment, their breathing the only thing they could hear between them until Kankri took the incentive and bravely moved off the sofa and onto Cronus’ lap.

He didn’t know what made him do that but the moment he sat fully on Cronus’ thighs, it was like something switched between them. It wasn’t sexual, and while it made Cronus’ crotch throb with anticipation, the heat made between them was something that was calming for the both of them. Being him like this, Kankri relaxed and let his hands drape over the back of the sofa, feeling Cronus’ arms almost wrap around his frame, almost caging him in and keeping him situated on his lap. When they kissed again it wasn’t rushed and full of passion, it was almost like they were content with their position and the two of them could mesh their bodies together like two perfect puzzle pieces.

Capturing Kankri’s bottom lip between his teeth and listening to the man sigh in pleasure, he knows he wouldn’t be able to stop smiling tomorrow. While their bodies had been full of need to feel good, now it was just flirty kisses and the breathless giggles shared between them. By now, Cronus would have his hands down the other person’s pants, feeling at their goodies until they begged to be fucked. But with Kankri, he was completely okay with things stopping right now, because he felt something for Kankri and that was stronger than his want for sex. Still, he couldn’t help getting hard with Kankri sitting on his lip, he had an attractive man who liked him back, their cocks inches away from each other with the barricade of clothes blocking that path. He was only human. “Do you want to stay over?”

“Um –“ The question snuck up on him, he was far to in the moment of banter and flirtatious playing to think about answering Cronus. Leaning back on his lap, he attempted to clear his head enough to answer but Cronus was quick to speak up.

“Not like that, just uh, I can sleep on the sofa or we could sleep in the same bed. I mean we’ve slept in the same room before.” He knew he was rambling, but watching Kankri’s face turn from dazed to confused, then a soft smile flickering on his lips.

While the idea of sleeping over at Cronus’ was positive, he didn’t bring any of his things to be comfortable with. He’d need a shower so he’d need to bring shampoo and conditioner and if he was the sleep over his pyjamas and his toothbrush would be needed too. It was just too much for him to need that he didn’t have right now. “I haven’t got any clothes for tomorrow. I have work too.”

Cronus nodded in understanding, it was a great idea while it lasted. He just wanted to know what it would be like waking up with Kankri eating breakfast in his kitchen, leaning against the counter drinking coffee from Cronus’ favourite mug and getting changed for work so they could leave together. He would drive Kankri to his work if they were running late; he would just do anything for him. Sitting up a little and chuckling when lips were pressed back onto his, he stroked up and down Kankri’s back and murmured positively when fingers ran through his hair, scratching gently at his scalp. He was touching Cronus all without his gloves on, he couldn’t be prouder of how far Kankri had come.

He turned his head when he heard Pygmy’s soft mewl for attention, and then a nudge to show that the kitten had move from her position on the chair to a comfier spot on the sofa next to them. Kankri let out a soft giggle, reaching out to pet the purring cat under her chin. The man wasn’t even remotely like how he was when they first met; he saw no fear in the man’s eyes when he opened doors or touched something that he would have considered filthy before. While the thoughts wouldn’t leave his mind, it was enough for him to fight it and control the need to be disgusted with every day routines. It was from both of their hard work that Kankri could live a remotely normal life now, without his phobia dragging him down at every hurdle.

They broke apart with much struggle, when Cronus tried to get up he was being kissed by Kankri and of course he didn’t want to stop that, and when Kankri was about to lift off Cronus’ lap he grabbed those hips and kept him there. It was easy to see none of them wanted to budge. But a couple minutes of banter and plenty more smooches, Kankri was standing and Cronus was willing his boner away so he could walk his boyfriend to the door. Slipping his ankle boots on, Kankri breathed easy knowing that the date was a success, in fact it went so good he didn’t want to leave. He should have accepted Cronus’ offer about staying over but the rational part f his brain reminded him of his reasons.

Opening the door a little and checking to see if his kitten would zip past or not, he let Kankri out and ignored the dropping in his stomach. “Night babe. Call me when you get back home, I want to know if you got back safely.”

He really was a good man in every way. Kankri stepped back into Cronus’ personal space to land another kiss, his chest warming automatically to block the chill of the night that would most likely be making him shiver on the walk home. At least Cronus’ apartment wasn’t that far a walk away from his home, it’s surprising that they hadn’t met before the therapy sessions. “Goodnight Cronus.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I give you fluff, feels and smut. Forgive me?

The airport was packed with people, Kankri knew it would be busy but this was insane. He was so glad that Cronus volunteered to come with him or he would have just turned around and walked right back out the main doors. He didn’t know what was harder to handle; the people buzzing past him with their coughing and sneezing, or the constant need to scan his bags, check his clothing and the security checks. He was so glad he packed a couple days before.

As if getting up at the crack of dawn was bad enough, he had the most terrible bed head and Cronus was at his door to drive them up to the airport. While it was adorable watching Cronus driving in a woolly jumper constantly sipping coffee from the take-out cup – he must have stopped by a café – nothing could compete with him reaching out unconsciously to hold hands. They had the heat turned up in the car and it just made him sleepier but he stayed awake with Cronus because he cherished the way the other man’s fingers felt entwined with his own.

Apparently Cronus had called someone to collect his car so they could drive back when they return but Kankri didn’t mind that for now because he was already getting carted off to find a trolley. Pulling his suitcase along, he was slightly glad he had one with wheels because Cronus had to lug his around. Finding a vacant trolley, Cronus dropped his bag on it and pulled Kankri’s on it too, going through the front zipper to collect his passport to keep it close while they entered the main building. Instantly, Kankri’s body gravitated to his therapists and Cronus couldn’t blame him, he hadn’t been in this situation before. “Stick close.”

With three hours until their flight, needless to say they were stuck in the airport for ages. It didn’t take long to line up and have their bags taken through the conveyor belt, once again being made to walk under a metal detector over and over again until Kankri just decided to not wear his shoes until he was on the other side. Cronus totally didn’t find it adorable that Kankri was wearing mismatching socks. Oh well, at least they didn’t have to carry their suitcases everywhere and could focus more on waiting.

Another thing Kankri found out was how expensive airport food was. Seriously, a coffee was five dollars? If he knew about that he could have asked Cronus about the café he went to when he was being picked up. Luckily his partner knew the area well and they could walk to a little pit-stop nearby to grab a hot chocolate that _wasn’t_ overpriced. The waiting was the worst part though because they couldn’t actually do anything but trudge around the little shops in the building together. He would have gone insane without Cronus being there with him, thinking up little games to interest the both of them and when that failed he always had jokes to make him laugh. There were the odd couple of kisses too but Kankri wasn’t that much for public displays of affection, even with those eyes staring into his soul. They had plenty of time to make out on the plane, if they got that bored.

It would take them a couple of hours to get to Vermont; he was surprised when Karkat told him that’s where he lived, to leave the state was one thing but to live on the other side of the country was another. It was worth it in the end, he would do anything to meet his brother. Being in the plane was an experience in itself, they were situated on the side so Kankri took the window seat and Cronus sat next to a stranger. It wasn’t as bad as he thought; with Cronus acting as a barricade from other people, he could enjoy the sights outside the window and he only ate the food that was sealed shut. They watched a movie together and held hands throughout the flight, honestly it was more like a date than a plane ride.

Leaving was another stress in itself but it felt refreshing to stroll around and stretch his legs. The collecting conveyor belt was difficult because his suitcase wasn’t as unique as Cronus’ with his being purple with a little sequin patch at the top, so whenever a bag that appeared even remotely similar, he had a look at the name tag he made sure to plaster on it. It was like a wild goose chase except his suitcase didn’t have feathers and it certainly wasn’t as funny as it sounds. Cronus was the one to find it, swooping in like some sort of prince to pull the luggage from the conveyor belts grasp.

Turning his phone on since the plane didn’t allow it to be active in the flight, texting his brother that they arrived and should be at the address he gave in about an hour if not more. It was all new territory and they had to drop their bags off at the hotel room Cronus paid for a few days ago, let’s just say they were glad the airport also came with their own taxi services. His therapist told the driver what their hotel was called and the man was off without another word. The man was a delight; he asked all the questions and told the two of them about the best restaurants at the cheapest prices, along with the top jokes that Kankri’s not sure were part of the service but it made Cronus laugh and anything that made his partner cheerful was alright in his books.

The taxi parked outside the hotel and Kankri could see his boyfriend buzzing, he was practically vibrating in the backseat. The second that car stopped he shot out and was opening the trunk to get the luggage out; Kankri was the gentleman here who thanked the driver and paid for their cab fare. Once the suitcases were placed on the sidewalk, the taxi driver took off while the couple carried their bags into the hotel. It was looked so expensive, with fancy lighting hanging from the ceiling and the wallpaper aesthetically matching the carpet, it appears like Cronus paid highly for the couple of nights. Telling the front desk his name and getting the card for their room, both Cronus and Kankri took the elevator to their floor, unlocking the door and entering what would be their home for the next few days.

The room was lush, almost like the one they shared before but this one was bigger, with a double bed and a bath in the other room. There was a set of chest of drawers big enough for them to put both their clothes in and a little extra, a double bed. The view was pretty amazing when he stared out the window, he could see a park nearby with couples strolling along together and children playing with their dogs, this was the life. But did he mention there was a _double bed?_ “Um…”

“This was all they had at the time.” Cronus was totally lying. There were another couple of rooms that had single beds in but this was his chance to see if Kankri would be comfortable with sharing a bed, they’ve been in the same room before and that turned out well. Better, even. With the heated make out session on his sofa a couple of days ago, Cronus was amped up to take as much as he could get. While this was Kankri’s moment to reunite with his brother, it was also the perfect opportunity to have some couples time without anyone knowing who they were.

Packing their stuff away in the drawers, Kankri kept glancing at the bed with slight anxiety; he hadn’t slept with anyone in the same bed before. What would they do? Would he steal the covers or kick in his sleep? Or snore? Would they have sex? He hoped not, he wasn’t ready for something that serious just yet. Cronus wouldn’t force him either, he cares too much about making people feel confidence and control, helping them through their difficulties.  

They decided that they wouldn’t stay over at Karkat’s because that would be too sudden for the both of them and Kankri didn’t want to cause any unnecessary discomfort to his brother. Plus it was also a small part of him that wanted to know what it would be like to fall asleep in the arms of his therapist. Yes they’ve slept together in the same room on separate beds and that was fine, albeit a little off-putting because their relationship was just beginning. There probably wouldn’t be any problems that would occur but Kankri couldn’t help the swell of nerves in his gut. Still, he couldn’t think about that right now because Cronus was already opening the door and glancing back at him. “Ready to see your brother?”

 

\--

The taxi pulled up at a flat building with a parking lot outside, it wasn’t the cleanest looking area with a couple of homeless people sitting against the entrance hoping that someone would be kind enough to give them spare change. Cronus couldn’t help giving them a couple of dollars each; he was a nice guy what could he say? They stepped inside the building and Kankri remembered what the Makara’s house resembled like while walking by on the way to school, how grimy it was on the outside and thinking that _if it was this bad, what was it like inside_? They always had the windows open, all of them. He didn’t realise back then what that was all about but growing up and looking back on it now he felt sort of guilty that his brother lived in that environment. He should have helped him, or reached out to the family to get the teenagers out of that home.

“I hope you don’t mind I’m wearing my gloves...” Kankri gave his boyfriend a look and dug through his little bag, pulling out a pair of gloves that he stashed away for times like these. He could control his phobia, but sometimes things were needed. Cronus scoffed quietly and followed his boyfriend up the stairs, shaking his head and refusing to touch the railings.

“I’d wear some if I had any.”

His brother had given him a room number to his apartment and the floor number to know where to _find_ the room. Soon enough, they found the correct area and Kankri was stuck standing at the front of Karkat’s door, paint chipping off wood and everything, and he couldn’t knock. It was like his hands felt like a tonne; he couldn’t lift them, his tongue thick in his throat so he couldn’t tell Cronus to assist. Luckily the therapist got the idea after a couple of seconds and rapped his knuckles on the door, resting his free hand on Kankri’s shoulder and waited until he heard footsteps on the other side.

This was it, the moment they’ve been waiting for the past week. It wasn’t much notice but Kankri didn’t even know he wanted something like this to happen until a few days ago. Now look at them. The door swung open and there he was, in all his grouchy standoffish glory, his hair in a messed up bun and a spoon sticking out his scowling mouth. The moment he focused on the two men standing at his doorstep he paused, eyes widening and pulling the plastic from his lips. “Fuck.”

“Language, Karkat…” Kankri spoke up and it even surprised himself; that being the first thing he said to his brother face to face. Sums it all up really. Karkat stepped aside for them to enter his small apartment, and to be honest Kankri would have been happier staying outside. But he could see Karkat was trying, he wasn’t the cleanest person growing up either, but with takeaway packages scattered around, his sink full of dirty mugs and clothes thrown in every direction it was what a mother would call a ‘pig sty’. Kankri didn’t want to sit down, but made himself perch on the end of the sofa when Karkat grabbed the clothes laying on it and placing it in a new pile on the floor.

“Sorry about the shit, it’s not usually… I don’t have guests often.” He waves his hand around nonchalantly at the mess, seating himself on the run down arm chair that appears to have seen better days. Cronus sits himself next to Kankri, knowing that he is probably trying extremely hard not to panic about how unclean everything is. To the outsider of the two, he passes a glance at either parties and notices that Karkat just looks like a dirtier version of his boyfriend, with longer hair, more stubble and a glare that could make anyone creep into themselves in discomfort. He introduces himself to Karkat as Kankri’s therapist just to help ease into the conversation, the younger brother nodding his head and shoved the plastic spoon back in his mouth. This guy may have an oral fixation.

Kankri starts off with thanking his brother for meeting, holding his hands self-consciously on his lap and twiddling his thumbs around in his gloves. “Have you um, spoken to father? Since you left?”

It didn’t even take a second for Karkat to reply, scoffing and pulling the utensil out his mouth once more to reply. “Fuck no.”

“Language –“

“Hey, this is my home I’ll say fuck if I want to.” He shut Kankri down quickly, pointing the plastic at his older brother who bit his lip and accepted those terms. He could handle a potty mouth. Karkat leaned back into his plush chair fiddling with the spoon in thought before speaking once more. “He disowned me you know.”

“I didn’t know…” He really didn’t, thinking back on it now he had little knowledge of anything his brother got up to when they were sharing the same roof, let alone what he did to survive and the repercussions of that. His father probably wasn’t pleased that Karkat fled in the night without a second speech on where he was going, he remembers the shouting the day after when his father was getting them ready for school. How he had made him stay home from school to pack up his brothers things he left behind, as a punishment for when he got back. Karkat’s things were probably still in the garage collecting dust and dampness.

Karkat hummed in thought and set the spoon down on the arm of the chair, leaning his elbows on his knees. He couldn’t help chuckling to himself when he reverts back to that day when he dejectedly ran out of money and thought that they were still family, that his father would have gotten over his controlling stages and just wanted his son to be happy with his future. “Yeah, I rang him a couple of years later asking about money, you know. I’d skipped school but I couldn’t stay with Gamzee for the rest of my fucking life, I wanted to _live_. I just didn’t have the cash.”

“What’d he say?” Kankri was gone by then, and never looked back. As soon as he graduated he bolted from that house as quick as he could, saved up money from his job at the church and a side job that he kept on the sly and just left. He should have gotten back into contact with his brother then; maybe their lives would have been different.

“He said he didn’t have a son named Karkat. Asked me _who I was_. Can you fucking believe that? I swear, he’s got some fucked up thought process if he thinks that’s what a loving priest or whatever-the-fuck he is now, does to someone in need. Like, I get that he was probably mad I rang him just for cash but to say I didn’t even exist to him? Who fucking _does_ that?” Karkat ranted for a couple minutes about that day, how he practically had to beg his father for money, only to get the cold shoulder and a boot out of Mr Vantas’ life completely, with a request to never call him ever again. Cronus felt Kankri’s body tense up and glanced across to him, noticing his eyes watering a little while listening to his brother rave about his past. He didn’t know much about this time frame but if he thought about it, Kankri wouldn’t have known about this if he wasn’t told directly by either parties and from what his patient told him, he hadn’t spoken to them for a little under a decade. He was most likely in the dark about their little mishap.

Kankri watched the way his brother’s fists tightened in anger, he was hiding it but it was obvious that Karkat was hurt by their father kicking him out of his life without so much as a fare-thee-well. He just wanted to reach over, take his brother’s hand and tell him that it’ll be alright, that he can call on his big brother whenever. For anything he wanted, money, a place to stay, maybe just a chat on the phone or a shoulder to cry on about their shared past. All he could say was an apology, he didn’t even know what he was sorry for. “I don’t know, I’m sorry that happened to you…”

“Fucking right. But it shouldn’t be _you_ apologising, that shitcake should be the one on his knees begging for my forgiveness.” Karkat spat out, as if even talking about it was making venom rise in his throat, bubbling over his lips. If Kankri was their father, he thinks the priest would feel guilt with how he left his only children in the world. Maybe he would be ashamed about disowning Karkat instead of giving the man his own life, not to walk on coat tails. He should contact his father and ask about why he did such a thing to the both of them, but he knows he wouldn’t get the answers he wanted, they’d fight and he’d take three steps back instead of moving forward.

Their conversation took a dark turn when Karkat asked why he’s needed a therapist. He sat up a little taller, with Cronus’ hand coming to rest on his for support, but Kankri didn’t need it because he knew his brother wouldn’t say anything negative knowing how that felt. He didn’t know where to begin but he just explained what Cronus’ job was about, and why he needed therapy on phobias. Of course that opened up a tin of questions that he had to answer, some of them he could so easily but the others needed some assistance form Cronus. One in particular was the one that struck a chord in his stomach. “How did you get this?”

“Well, um.” That was one of the questions he’s been struggling with for months now, ever since he began his therapy with Cronus. He’d been trying to answer it every night, reverting back to when his father would control his whole life, leaning over his shoulder and pulling the strings of his tongue and legs so he would walk and talk just like his father. “I think father did this.”

Kankri was expecting the surprised look Karkat gave him and leaned back in his seat. “He made you scared of germs?”

“No, but he always wanted us to be pure of any sin, remember?” Even if Karkat didn’t, he couldn’t forget the way his father walked in on him, screaming and hollering about how he’s never going to get into heaven with what he was doing. That he would regret not praying every night, regret not going to help out in the church and wanting to do things with his school, regret touching himself that _one_ time. The moment he started thinking for himself he was unclean in his father’s eyes, and in turn it did something in his mind.

“He didn’t say ‘ _if you touch germs you’re touching sin’_ did he?” Karkat let out a soft chuckle and couldn’t help but grin, he’d never heard of anyone having mysophobia before. Heck, he didn’t even know that existed. Nor did he ever see any kind of signs that Kankri was scared of germs, he was perfect in his eyes; always doing his homework and doing every after school clubs that he was allowed to attend. It sounded fake but he wouldn’t need a therapist if it was fake, and he wouldn’t confess having something so strange as being afraid of dirt of all things. Kankri lowered his head as he spoke about every time his father would lower his self-esteem, or made sure he always knew that what he was doing with his life wasn’t good enough, wasn’t what God wanted for his life.

It came back to him in waves the more he opened up about it with Karkat. At first it was just the odd few flashbacks of last few years with his father and the memories of the arguments in the household. But with Karkat’s reminiscing into the mix, Kankri could remember what it was like and it was as if speaking to Karkat was the eye opener he finally needed to get his answers. His father was a clean man; he had to be because he always said untidiness leads to sin. He made sure the house was practically spotless, everything but his desk was polished and he made sure to yell at both Karkat and Kankri whenever they didn’t clean their rooms up to standards. Kankri knew true fear whenever he hadn’t tidied his floor and he could hear his father’s footsteps coming up the stairs.

Maybe being treated like having dirt around Kankri made him a sinner was enough for him to crack and create a phobia of germs. No one wants to be told they’re not good enough. He questioned Cronus about it and the man let out a hum as he frowned deeply, hearing about their pasts was certainly something he never wanted either to experience again. “Well it’s a possibility; you can create mysophobia as a cause of hereditary trauma. Your father forcing you to clean or you would be a sinner otherwise, that’s enough for any child to worry enough to develop a rational phobia.”

“So he really did this to me? My father made me this way?” Kankri couldn’t stop the shaking in his hands. How dare his father control his childhood, only for him to destroy his adulthood too. No, he wasn’t letting his life be dominated by him anymore; he’s got therapy and is hitting a breakthrough, one that could possibly help him once again kick the fear in the teeth and focus on what he wants. The heat boiling in his gut was enough to cause heartburn, but he held it down as his hands clenched into fists.

Cronus worried for a moment that his answer was the wrong one, but if this is what Kankri needed to hear then he wasn’t going to be the one to sugar coat anything. This could be the key to the man’s findings, something he’ been asking about for years and finally got what he had been waiting for so long. Hope that he was _normal._ That he could get over it because if it was trained into him before then it could be trained _out_ of him. “I’m not saying it’s a fact, it’s just a possibility.”

He would have to diverge from this right now and go into this when they weren’t in company, patting Kankri’s closed fist. He gave a look so that his boyfriend knew they would pick this up later and they returned to their previous conversation with Karkat.

He doesn’t know how long they spoke but by the time they finished it was dark out. Their conversations ranged from their past to present lives, and even about their future plans. Apparently Karkat had been hopping from building jobs to gain a wider range of experience on their resume which was impressive considering he dropped out of school as soon as he got a good grade on architecture. Cronus was questioned a little about their relationship when Karkat zoned in on his hand covering Kankri’s. It was a little awkward that his younger brother questioning their relationship; it was new that even the both of them didn’t know where they were going, but what they knew that they‘re going to hopefully stay together for as long as they can. He gave up on trying to stop Karkat swearing but whenever Cronus made the slightest hint he was being inappropriate he was elbowed, Kankri does _not_ feel sorry for the man’s ribs one bit. 

Standing up to leave was the hardest part, he didn’t even realise how quick he was able to relax around his brother again. There was a part inside him that even he didn’t know about, locked away in the inner depth of his mind that made sure he would always be alert to any kind of dirt, danger or discomfort. Being with his brother, talking to him and letting it all out how they felt, what their father did to them and learning that he wasn’t alone. It was a little awkward when Karkat held his hand out to shake, saying he would have gone in for a hug but didn’t know if the phobia would allow it. Kankri took a deep breath and stepped into his brother’s personal space, ever so carefully wrapping his arms around Karkat’s frame and giving a small squeeze, but that’s all he could do, quickly darting away and scrunching his face up.

Yes it made him disgusted, yes he would probably scrub a little harder when he bathed tonight but he _did_ it. Cronus grabbed Kankri’s gloved hand, giving it a squeeze and shaking Karkat’s outstretched one before leaving. “We’ll be in touch.”

\--

“Well, that was certainly something.” Cronus spoke as soon as they left the building, letting out a breath that left a foggy bubble in its wake. Kankri let out scoff and slid his gloved hand into Cronus bare on, lacing their fingers together and strolled further away from the apartment complex. For a week into their relationship Cronus wanted to hold hands but Kankri had been worried that his hands were ugly. For years now he’d been continuously scrubbing germs from his hands and using alcohol sanitizer and wipes to keep him feeling  protected from filth, but all it left him was scarring from how many times his skin cracked and bled over and over again. To him, his hands were clean but disgusting but Cronus didn’t care, making sure Kankri knew how much he loved every part of him, inside and out. He didn’t know why he thought his partner would think any different. “How has all of this made you feel?”

“I’m not sure if I’m honest, this helps a lot with learning about why I became scared in the first place. I don’t know if it’ll help me get over my phobia but I’m willing to try.” They continued up the sidewalk together until they were near the main road, putting a hand out to call for a cab when one drove by. At least he knows his roots now, he must have blocked it out as something traumatic. His father was a clean freak, dirt was made by the devil and he would eradicate it as much as possible. He must have picked up a fear that dirt would make him sinful if he didn’t clean. He remembers it starting with his room; the way he would tidy up once every week, then once every few days until it was once a day a sweep around his bedroom for any piece of dirt. The fear multiplied over time, like cancer. Started off with his bedroom, then it moved to the kitchen and the living room and then it wasn’t just cleaning anymore it was avoiding anything that made him dirty. All his afterschool clubs were now a danger to him because he would panic whenever there was something filthy that he couldn’t clean, his art had to be stopped because he couldn’t sanitize his brushes, his pencils, the canvas.

He lost his friends, he became the weird kid in school that didn’t want to be touched, didn’t want to have anyone in contact with the things he would touch on a daily basis. All of this, the constant need to be pure, was because of his father brainwashing him. “He’s insane. That’s it, he’s just a crazy old man who turned me into what he wanted. Like some puppet.”

Cronus had to stop his boyfriend from anything anymore, grabbing the man’s shoulders and stopping him from going into a new rant. It was obvious that Kankri was angry, learning new information about a his predicament was always going to make him question everything. From the beginning he thought his childhood was the answer he was searching for and hearing his brother’s side of the story let everything into a higher perspective. But he had to be smart now, letting his boyfriend go off into some angry speech wasn’t going to help him get over what has held I’m back for so long. “Kankri no, he has a phobia just like you. You can’t hate him for having fear.”

“But I _can_ hate him for all the _shit_ he’s made me go through for all of my adult life.” Kankri panted out, already out of breath from holding back his wrath. It surprised Cronus enough that he let it show in his eyes, making Kankri think about what he just said, shaking his head with a small blush of shame. “Excuse my abrupt rudeness.”

“No, no it’s alright.” He wasn’t going to say it wasn’t okay for Kankri to swear, it’s just weird to hear it come out of the man’s mouth. He also wasn’t going to say anything about the bubble of arousal in his gut at the phenomenon of his boyfriend cursing. He might later, but for now Kankri was too riled up. They caught a cab after a couple of minutes waiting in the cold, giving directions to their hotel and leaning back against the seats, not letting go of his partner’s hands to preserve warmth.

“Dibs on the right side of the bed.” Cronus flopped down on the edge of the bed when they got back to the hotel, leaning until his back hit the mattress and let out a deep sigh. They kicked off their shoes at the door much to Vantas’ asking but Kankri could still be seen grimacing at his clothes on the bed. He was still unpacking into the drawers; they were still in a rush this afternoon to actually finish and even though they had a small amount of clothes to actually put away, he still felt like he should.

“Well then I have, um. Dibs? On having a shower first.”

Cronus chuckled and agreed, pushing himself to roll over onto his stomach and watched his partner working on his suitcase next. He could get used to Kankri doing his laundry, folding and putting them away; it’s so domestic that he can imagine them doing this in their own home. Buying an apartment together, or moving into either of their places and selling the free one. He thinks back to a couple of months ago when they went on the small hotel for Kankri’s exposure, how different he was back then compared to now. He looks more confident, like he knows germs are everywhere but doesn’t let it bother him. He’s never been more proud of a patient.

With Kankri finishing up and sitting on the other side of the bed, Cronus averted his eyes to roam them around the room. With the thought invading his mind, he couldn’t help letting out a chuckle. “Just think, we’ve spent more time in a hotel together than at each other’s places.”

Well it was ironic, being somewhere unknown with Cronus rather than being in their respective homes where they would both be more comfortable. But he didn’t mind being anywhere as long as Cronus as there not only to calm him as a therapist but care for him as a partner. Slipping the gloves off his hands, he set them aside and breathed out shakily; he’s had a long day. From the plane ride full of people and a child constantly screeching behind their seats, the germs everywhere from coughing and sneezing in the vents, then meeting his brother after so long and finding out the reason behind his phobia. Now he was alone with Cronus once again in a hotel with a double bed. He shook his head with a cheeky smile, well, at least they were dating now.

He felt a hand rest on his thigh but didn’t do anything to stop it; right now he needed the comfort. Instead, he let his hand lay upon Cronus’ and stroked his thumb over the skin there, copying when his hand was squeezed. At the moment it wasn’t the best of times but they were together and that’s all that counts, leaning down to capture his boyfriend’s lips in a subtle kiss. The brunette was easily pleased about things like this, humming into Kankri’s lips and eager for more, opening his mouth a little to lick across his bottom lip. Kankri wasn’t going to let it get far though, pulling back to bop Cronus on the nose. “No peeking, not until I say.”

“Whatever you say, chief.” Cronus sniggered when his lips were taken once more for a quick peck before Kankri pulled away and went round the bed to the bathroom. Shutting the door he let out a much needed breath and stripped off, letting his clothes drop into the hamper provided before he climbed into the tub. The shower wasn’t as good as the one at his home but that was obvious, and it was enough for him to wash his hair and scrub his body of any daily grime that could have got onto him.

There was something about showering; the hot water hitting his back and massaging products into his hair, for those small moments he could relax fully without any fear because he would be clean whenever he went under the water. It was also a place to think without anyone interrupting unless they wanted to peek in which case they would receive a swift smack to the face. He could rewind everything that had happened today in detail, take in how the new information made him feel, and find new pathways to face his fears. Mostly he just loved feeling soothed, the water pelting his skin was cleansing him and that’s all he needed right now.

Still he couldn’t stay in there forever, Cronus still had to bathe and he doesn’t know how much hot water this shower has. So he shut the tap off, climbed out the tub and wrapped the towel around him; he made sure to bring his own because he doesn’t know who touched the ones provided for him, he’d rather be on the safe side about that. Opening the door and stepping out, Kankri hugged the towel closer to him as the air got slightly chilly, and padded over to the drawers to get some clothes out. He was going to rush back to the bathroom only to pause when Cronus’ voice spoke softly from the bed. “Am I allowed to open my eyes yet?”

Kankri stood there for a moment, debating in what he would do, gaining the courage before padding to the front of the bed and tightening his hold on the towel. He didn’t know why he was going to do it but today had been hectic and he wanted nothing more than to be open with his boyfriend, in any way he could. He was nervous though; though they had been intimate before, they hadn’t been naked in front of each other before. “You can look now.”

And _he_ was the one worrying earlier about what would happen if they were sharing a double bed. But that was before the stressed out evening though, that was his excuse and he was sticking by it.

When Cronus opened his eyes he wasn’t expecting a towel clad Kankri at the bottom of the bed, with cheeks bright red and eyes averted. Sitting up on the mattress, he swallowed thickly and licking his lips, mouth suddenly dry. He couldn’t help it, his boyfriend was naked in front of him. He didn’t know whether to touch him or turn away, so he didn’t do anything but stare which apparently wasn’t doing much for Kankri’s self-esteem. The smaller man fidgeted in the towel before sitting at the corner of the bed, suddenly he felt more vulnerable than before, and not just because he was one cloth away from exposed. “Well?”

“Well, uh. Um. Shit Kan, what do you want me to say?” He was just trying his best not to drool, he wasn’t expecting this to be happening tonight. He was leaning towards Kankri making a pillow wall between them to gain some protection, but this wasn’t even in his mindset for at least a few more months.

Kankri let out a huff and tentatively reached across to take the other man’s hand, bringing it over to rest on his towel clad knee. He could tell Cronus was worried about his feelings, but his hesitation was tormenting him; was it because he didn’t think they weren’t ready for this, or maybe he was having second thoughts about the relationship. It probably wasn’t that but at the moment his thought process was in tunnel vision. “I’m not sure. I just wanted, I don’t know, _something_.”

Well, he was waiting for Kankri to be more open with him and now seems like the time, he wasn’t going to question that. Squeezing Kankri’s knee, Cronus edged closer until they were both in the middle of the bed sitting opposite each other. Kankri had his legs closed but that didn’t leave much to the imagination either, and Cronus felt over-dressed. In remedy, he tugged his shirt over his head and folded it up neatly much to Kankri’s approval. He wasn’t shy about his body, he worked out every now and again so he wasn’t the most buff guy but he certainly had a couple of muscles to show off. Kankri learned that real fast, his eyes wandering over the slim waist and broad shoulders, the muscles on his arms bulging slightly and his stomach tight, he almost felt self-conscious of his body.

He wasn’t nervous about his body but he knows he isn’t the slimmest, it’s why he had tight trousers to suck his stomach in as much as he could and a baggy sweater to hide any rolls from onlookers. Letting the towel drop and pool around his waist, he covered Cronus’ hand with the both of his and kept his eyes on his boyfriend’s. He noticed how Cronus’ widened at seeing his upper body for the first time, his stomach rolled over and his arms slightly flabby. Kankri didn’t shy away from the staring, holding onto his partner’s hand for some emotional support.

Cronus on the other hand was trying not to let his jaw drop, people might not deem Kankri the most attractive guy but to him he was perfect. He was so adorable, soft and supple that he just wanted to reach out and touch him. Those nipples were still rosy pink and delicious as ever but he wouldn’t have a go at any of it without rewarding Kankri for his confidence, inching closer a little more he leant in to give Kankri’s lips a peck before delving deeper into another kiss. Their tongues rolled around each other’s, lips smacking and moulding keenly until they had to pull back to breathe but Cronus couldn’t stop there, carrying on down Kankri’s caramel skin and eliciting subtle moans.

He would let Kankri show more of himself when he felt comfortable but for now he was perfectly content with capturing one of those delicate nipples in his mouth and suckling it. From the way Kankri’s breath hitched and let go of his hand to clutch the back of Cronus’ head he want complaining either, his fingers scratching gently through the other man’s scalp. It was as if a fire lit in Kankri stomach, bubbling up until he couldn’t hold out anymore, pulling Cronus closer in hopes the man will manipulate his body more. “ _Cronus_ …”

“Mm…” His palms roamed free over Kankri’s upper body, petting his stomach and cupping his chest to play with the nipple he wasn’t abusing with his mouth. Maybe they were sensitive areas because no one touches them, or the fact that he hadn’t been felt up before was the reason but whatever it was, he craved the tiny groans Kankri let out. It rose from his throat and erupted out his lips before he could stop it and Cronus _loved_ every second of it because it meant he was doing something right that caused his boyfriend to relax and feel pleasure, and enjoy what he was given. 

It was enough for Kankri to let go a little and open up to Cronus, and being treated with care to feel the upmost pleasure was simply the best, but he still felt anxious. Cronus was making his lower half blaze with arousal and he wanted nothing more than the other man to grind against him like their last date, but enough that they would cum. Still, he had clothes on then, now he was naked, this was an entirely different kettle of fish. His nervousness wasn’t going amiss from Cronus, who set his hand on the tanned leg and simply rested it there as a possible invitation that Kankri could continue if he wanted or he could let the hand be and just have his upper half spoiled.

He chose the prior, gently taking Cronus hand and sliding it up further until it was on his thigh. It was easy to see he was trembling slightly; it was almost too much for him all at once but he loved it and Cronus was supporting him every step of the way. The glance exchanged between the two was enough for Cronus to move his hand under the towel, his touch rippling goosebumps up Kankri’s spine. He had to reach out to grab his boyfriend’s arm when he cock was gripped, trying his hardest not to curl up under the ministrations Cronus was doing. He’s never felt like this; when he was on the phone with Cronus and stroking his cock it felt strange and afterwards he was disgusted with himself but when Cronus was touching him, carefully gliding his hand up and down, his thumb working wondering over the tip. It was a different feeling entirely. “Cronus, Cronus oh _god_.”

“I’ve got you babe.” He couldn’t keep his eyes off Kankri, even the minute details like the way his eyes fluttered closed for a moment before opening once more to watch the towel lift and fall from his hand. Or the way his chest rose and fell with each pant, his grip tightening when his foreskin was played with. He had to stop when Kankri placed a trembling hand on his, following suit when he lay down on the bed, the towel covering his lower half enough to leave things to the imagination. Well, that and his touch. Cronus turned on his side, taking his hand from under the towel to run his fingers over the bare skin of Kankri’s side, watching the way he shivered and let out a soft breath. “Tell me what you want.”

“I don’t know…” He was honestly confused about what to do next, he didn’t want Cronus to just end it quickly because then what would they do all night? Well they could do it all over again but he was afraid, if they were to go further than this, what would happen then. He showed his emotions by resting his hands delicately on Cronus’ chest, glancing up and biting his lip when he saw that those eyes were already looking at his. He just knew. He was nervous, he was excited but mostly he was trusting Cronus with his body and his feelings.

Leaning up a little on his forearm, Cronus kissed along Kankri’s chest, taking care to savour with each piece of flesh his lips touched. Hands roamed once more along his skin and Kankri let his legs spread for him, surrendering himself to Cronus’ palms. This was different than before; earlier it was just feeling around and it was a spur of the moment decision but this time Kankri could sense that Cronus now had a purpose for what he was doing, he was relaxing him for what was to come. Of course he was nervous, and Cronus could probably feel his heartbeat whenever he kissed over his chest, threading his fingers through those slightly greasy locks he attempted to calm down. “You could have washed you hair.”

“You want me to stop and have a shower?” He knows Kankri was just trying to find something to say, and in his defence he didn’t know his boyfriend was going to come out the shower with just a towel on and tease him enough that he gets rock hard almost instantly. He didn’t think it was in the books, but here he is. He couldn’t get over the sensation of Kankri’s fingertips kneading at his scalp, sending tingles down his neck and straight to his cock. He doesn’t want this to end so soon and he knows Kankri doesn’t want to stop, not with that mentioned towel rising in one place. With a free hand, Cronus reached back down and cupped that aching tent in the cloth once more, adoring the way Kankri’s chest arched up as he gasped. Fuck he was so lucky to have this man.

It was a silent battle of his mind; he wanted to tell Cronus how good it felt to have his hands all over him, maybe a little inside him too. But on the other hand he was shy about it and tried to hide all emotion that could dictate how his body was alight with pleasure. With his chest rising and falling with each pant and his voice betraying him with the tiny warbles that come out whenever Cronus toyed with his nipples, he was fighting a losing battle. With that devious hand rubbing him up and down and that mouth working its magic; he couldn’t control his hips from bucking up. Did he want Cronus to stop? “… No.”

With a grin, Cronus kept kissing lower and lower until he was met with the fluffy towel blocking his path. He glanced up at those dazed eyes, silently asking permission and smirked when those plush legs spread for him. Kankri was nervous obviously, he could understand that but it didn’t stop him from continuing, pulling the towel from Kankri’s lap and taking in the sight of his boyfriend’s cock, the tip flushed but hidden by his foreskin. It looked delicious and it was easy to tell he hasn’t touched himself anymore since that one time on the phone, just thinking about that brought chills down his spine. He was so ready to see what Kankri looked like while moaning. His eyes darted up once more for an invitation, only to have Kankri reach down and run his fingers through his hair again, a silent plea to just fucking get on with it already.

Well, alright then.

He laved his tongue over the base, already feeling it twitch against his lips but that didn’t bother him, he was enjoying the sensation of clean flesh throbbing with need that only he could give. It gave him a power trip just knowing this small amount of work could make Kankri breathless above him, fingers tightening in his hair. He didn’t want to stop, licking his way up until he was rolling the tongue around the pink foreskin at the tip and tasting the salty precum starting to leak out. He let his hands rest on Kankri’s tanned thighs, sucking his cock into his mouth and closing his eyes in bliss, feeling his boyfriend’s hips struggle to stay still.

Kankri tried to keep his voice from leaking out; he didn’t realise how dirty this all was until it was too late, Cronus’ mouth on his cock and sucking on it so sweetly. He didn’t want it to stop, but he _certainly_ wasn’t going to kiss him after this, nor was he going to return the favour. Not until a thorough brushing and he was definitely going to have another shower after this too just in case. But right now he just focused on the sensation of Cronus tongue rubbing up against the underside of his cock, bringing about tingles all the way down to his toes. And when he took it all the way in his mouth, the brush of his throat swallowing him down a little with every bob of his head, he couldn’t control the groan escaping and his hips rising off the mattress. “Oh _Cronus_ …”

“Mmm…” He did everything he could think of; sucking him all the way down then pulling back so it was just the tip in his mouth, fondling his balls with his hands and then sucking on each ball individually, he even brushed his thumb against Kankri’s hole, feeling it clench under the digit. That one didn’t last long from the way Kankri was tugging his hair and a gasping whine was ripped from his throat. Might have been too early for that yet, but he could wait, especially if this was his prize for being patient. There was something about Kankri’s dick in his mouth, maybe it was the way it throbbed on his tongue or the little twitches it does whenever he would swallow around the member. Whatever it was, he was getting addicted to it. Kankri’s thighs were beginning to shake so Cronus just carried on sucking, a hand leaving its purchase on the trembling leg to grip the base of Kankri’s cock, pumping it quickly while he worked the tip.

He kept toying the foreskin with his tongue, almost kneading his boyfriend’s dick until Kankri was arching up, letting his grip go from Cronus’ hair to grab the sheets instead. He spurted thickly into Cronus’ mouth, his hips struggling to keep control and not buck up too much but Cronus didn’t mind one bit, swallowing it down and stroking until Kankri was spent, his body going limp on the bed. His whimpering cries were almost enough to make Cronus cum, _almost_. Pulling away from between Kankri’s legs, Cronus sat up and reached down to take care of himself when he heard a little protest, glancing down at his trembling boyfriend. “I-If you want, I could… I want to help.”

“Shit, Kan don’t just say things like that.” This man was too sexy for his own good. He laid down next to Kankri, pulling his trousers down enough so that they wouldn’t be an inconvenience and stroking his cock a little, watching the way his boyfriend eyed his member. Kankri took a deep breath before turning on his side to face Cronus, reaching out shakily to grab the hard flesh there and exhaled shakily. It was so much different than before when he was doing it on himself; it was pulsing in his hand and slightly wet from being left alone for so long. Cronus let one of his hands rest on Kankri’s naked hip while the other propped his head up so he could watch the show, softly telling Kankri what he likes and letting out a breathy chuckle at the way the tip of the man’s ears tinted pink with embarrassment. “Take your time babe, we got all night.”

Having not done this before, he was thankful for the tips but it was rather lewd, and it certainly didn’t help that the more he stroked Cronus shaft, the noises began. Little slick sounds from the friction of his hand with the wet precum on Cronus cock. It was strange to say just touching Cronus like this made him hot under the collar, his cheeks flushing once more. Liking things like this, letting Cronus touch him and vice versa, did that make him a changed person? His mind was askew with so many thoughts but it always brought him back to this moment with his partner, and although he may be doing something that he would be repulsed at before, it didn’t bother him as much anymore. They would take things slow; he wasn’t going to do most things that Cronus was open for and that was okay, he knew that.

“Fuck, I’m close Kan.” Cronus’ trembling voice broke Kankri out of his thoughts and brought him back to the situation literally at hand. With his boyfriend’s so close to him, panting hotly against his neck and the grip on his hip now being acknowledged, Cronus was shaking a little and probably trying to hold himself back. He upped his pace more, copying what his partner told him to do on the phone and twisting his hand loosely around the tip. It was enough for Cronus to fuck his hips forward into Kankri’s fist and moan against that luscious caramel skin while he climaxed.

He couldn’t help the grimace of feeling Cronus’ wet cum on his hand and, thankfully, the towel. Since that towel was wrecked anyway, Kankri let go of his boyfriend’s slowly softening member to wipe the cooling cum on the cloth. He was glad; if it got on bed he would have asked to have the sheets changed and he did not want to explain why to the receptionist and the cleaner giving them both dirty looks. He felt Cronus’ lips against his neck and shoulder, a breath sighing softly in relief and then his body rolling onto his back. He took that chance to sit up and get off the bed, speaking over his shoulder while he was entering the bathroom once more. “I’m taking another shower.”

“Can I come? Saving water and all that.” Cronus’ voice travelled into the conjoined bathroom, Kankri could hear the content behind the words and couldn’t the tips of his lips from tilting up into a shy smile. They’ve broken through something together and that was enough for him right now, they were in a comfortable place where they could try new things that before he wouldn’t even dream of.  

He’d need a new towel though, begrudgingly taking the spare one from the hook on the wall. It vexed him that he’d have to use a towel provided, not knowing who’s touched and if it was even clean – he could handle it for one night. Breathe. Focusing on other things, Kankri popped his head out the door to face Cronus who was still situated on the bed, looking hopeful. “… I don’t see why not.”


	12. Epilogue

9 months later.

 

“I can’t believe you’re moving in with me. It’s surreal. Feels like just yesterday you were walking into my office.” Cronus grinned cheekily up at Kankri who rolled his eyes and passed a box from the van down into his partner’s arms.

They decided a couple months ago to take the next step in their relationship and move in together. Cronus put forward the notion that he could shift with his kitten to Kankri’s apartment because they had just finished their sessions, they were free to do whatever and tell whoever they wanted. Kankri understood the small hesitation his boyfriend was going through; he’d just finished the meetings with flying colors, and while therapy helped him a lot with dealing with his phobia and controlling the fear in his everyday life, he still had to push through it for the rest of his life. That being said, moving to a new area would be good for him like a clean slate, and his while his work would be a couple of minutes further away, he didn’t have to worry about walking all the way anymore. He had bought his very first car and while it took him ages of theory and he was still getting driving lessons, he was progressing enough to be proud of. So, for the sake of Pygmy, Kankri would move into Cronus’ apartment and refused to listen to any debate over the matter.

Also, Cronus’ apartment was much bigger than his own with two bedrooms, one bathroom, a spare room that had been used for an office and a kitchen that conjoined with the living room. Kankri had been going back and forth from his boyfriend’s place then to his own home for quite a while now, and while it comforted him to know that he had his own home, whenever he returned to it he felt lonely. The place was empty without Cronus with him, or hearing Pygmy mewl while brushing up against his leg, so he spent most of his time off work at his boyfriend’s apartment. Now he didn’t have to worry about an empty apartment anymore.

“You know, you don’t have a lot of stuff.” It was true; they didn’t have to hire out a truck for his belongings, just a simple van. He didn’t need to bring his furniture so all that he had to pack were his personal affects. He didn’t have many clothes so they only needed one box, his shoes and other small belongings into another box, he needed his bookcase because he knew the man didn’t have one and there wouldn’t be anywhere to put his stories otherwise. Most of the things he was going to bring, Cronus already had so he only had to think personal. They finished unloading the van in less than a couple of hours and most of that time was because they had to go up the stairs.

Now the real battle was putting things in their respected places. The clothes were an easy fit because Cronus made extra room in the wardrobe, his shoes placed at the bottom of it along with his boyfriend’s. The bookcase would be the hardest place, but they thought it would be only fitting to put it in the makeshift office, where it was quiet and Kankri could sit down with a book and go off into his own little world.

Porrim had helped with the move, going about putting all the new plates and dishes away into their new homes and glasses in the cupboard above the sink. It seems Cronus didn’t have that much cutlery or crockery considering he lived alone with his cat, but now with Kankri’s addition they could have a couple of friends over for dinner. When they finished setting everything in its new place, Kankri could finally relax into the sofa with a tired sigh, hearing Cronus close the front door and open the cat’s room a moment later. Pygmy still wasn’t allowed out of the apartment so they had to shut her into the feeding room, which the Javanese was most upset by, yowling whenever someone passed the door. She was quick to jump up on the sofa and greet Kankri, her purrs radiating through his hand when he pet her soft fur. It was amazing how quickly the kitten had grown; while Pygmy was the runt of her litter, she was quick to fill out. She was like a plant; give it enough love and attention and you see it rocket skywards, Pygmy had grown twice the size hitting a healthy weight of five pounds though she’d get heavier with time.

While Kankri was giving Pygmy all of his attention, Porrim took the time to talk to Cronus in the bedroom as she was unpacking all of Kankri’s clothes. The man had tried to stop her but after a thorough fussing that he was doing it right, he let her do it her way. Porrim was probably right about the organising anyway. “So, finally took that leap.”

Cronus was sitting on the bed with a shit eating grin on his face, he’d had it slapped on since the start of the day. “Yep! I honestly can’t believe it.”

“Are you going to consummate this with anything?” Porrim rose her perfectly plucked eyebrow in question, and by the deflation of Cronus’ shoulders, she continued to fold the shirts that she’d bought Kankri a couple of months ago.

“If you implying we have sex, then no. Kan, he’s… He’s just not ready yet.” He had tried, oh god how he tried. Sure they’ve done other sexual things and spent many nights together rolling around the sheets, feeling over each other’s skin and hearing Kankri’s soft mewls of pleasure. They’d had showers together which quickly led to a wet, steamy jacking off session with Cronus holding his lover up and whispering sweet nothings in his ear when Kankri’s knees gave out. They have been plenty sexual, but when they actually tried to penetrate, Kankri always stopped when the condom went on. “I’m not going to push him into it either, we’ll get there.”

“Mm, I’ve been talking about it with Kanny.” Porrim grinned when the therapist’s head shot up, staring at her in disbelief. She spoke about their relationship while the two of them were alone in the office’s kitchen, she had attempted to push the man’s self-esteem up about his body, he’d been trying to lose weight since the full beginning of his relationship with Cronus. There wasn’t any need of course, but Kankri felt it was time and was proud to say he went down a size in his trousers. He was flustered when she asked if they’d gone all the way, and evaded the question as much as possible. “He’s scared of many things; will it hurt, what if something goes wrong blah blah. His phobia is getting in the way too.”

Cronus let out a deep sigh and threw himself back on the mattress, feeling the bed dip as Porrim sat down. At first they’d been stepping on egg shells to please each other, even Kankri had noticed it and he felt slightly awkward whenever they’d go out together. He had enough after the first two months, pushing Cronus out to the woman’s apartment and locked him out of his own home until they’d talked out their differences.

Having Kankri as the in-between they could get along, but with him gone their major differences in hobbies and lifestyles in general they fell flat. It wasn’t until Cronus had taken Kankri out to the new Italian restaurant that Porrim actually got jealous. Apparently she was in love with anything pasta related, who knew. So, as a ploy to get to know the woman better, he took her out to eat and watched her order the biggest plate of spaghetti on the menu, his poor wallet. It was well worth the spending though because with a string of similarities, Porrim let down her well-manicured walls so they could get to know each other. From then on it was a rocky sailing of friendship.

“I didn’t know he thought that way…” Considering he was Kankri’s therapist – exposing phobias or not – it was a blow in the gut knowing he couldn’t confide his worries to him. He’d have a chat with him later on when everything’s cooled down.

Speak of the devil; Kankri leant against the doorframe with Pygmy in his arms. He’d been doing so well with getting over his fear of germs, bravely going out of his way to touch things like opening the door for someone or pressing the buttons in an elevator, carrying Cronus’ cat around, playing with her padded toes while she slept. “All finished?”

“Nearly there, put the kettle on?” Cronus stood from the bed to pad over to his boyfriend, kissing his tanned cheek and scratching the Javanese under the chin. Kankri let out a huff but peered over Cronus’ shoulder to his friend, asking her if she wanted anything but she just shook her head. With that, Kankri pecked Cronus’ lips and paced away with Pygmy mewling over his shoulder at her owner.

When Cronus turned around, Porrim was finishing up the last couple of shirts and placing them in the drawer. He folded the cardboard boxes into one another before picking them up, feeling Porrim’s hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll talk to you about it soon enough.”

“I guess you’re right, it’s not like I’m going to force him.” Letting out another sigh, he pivoted to leave but the woman’s hand was still on his shoulder holding him back. He glanced at her and almost paled at her thundery expression.

“You better not. You don’t want to know what I can do with these nails.” Her glare was fierce and her manicured talons digging into his shirt, the grip tight enough to make Cronus hiss a little in pain. He couldn’t help it, she was one scary lady when she wanted to be.

“Y-Yes!” He nodded vigorously, feeling her grasp loosening before she let go and strode in front of him and waved goodbye over her shoulder while leaving the room. He shivered a little on the spot, he was so _not_ threatened. Heading out the bedroom, Cronus placed the folded boxes next to the bin with all the other pieces of their day’s endeavours, he’d have to go down to the tip and throw them out. He heard Kankri call for him and popped his head round the kitchen door, groaning as the smell of coffee wafted under his nose. He was quick to his boyfriend’s side, lifting the mug and taking his first sip. “You should be a barrister, you make the _best_ coffee babe.”

Kankri chuckled softly, wiping the black lipstick from his cheek that was left behind after Porrim said her farewells for the evening. Picking up his cup of tea, they went through to the living room and cuddled up together on the sofa, finally relaxing in front of the television. It was moments like this that Kankri adored the most; sharing warmth in the evening and being able to just rest his head on Cronus’ shoulder, feeling the weight of his boyfriend’s head leaning on his soon after. They weren’t the most normal of couples but at times like these he could definitely relate to those trashy sitcoms with them snuggled next to a fire or something sappy like that. He didn’t think he wanted something like this, didn’t think he’d _get_ something like what he and Cronus had. But it worked. They worked.

Closing his eyes and breathing in the smell of tea and coffee, listening to some show they randomly flicked to, this was the life. He was quickly jostled though as Cronus set his cup on the table and stood up in a hurry. “Oh! I almost forgot.”

“Cronus?” He watched the brunette fly out the living room and into the bedroom, hearing him fumble around before coming back with a couple of rectangle packages. One rather tall and thin while the other one small and thicker. He sat back down on the sofa and handed Kankri the bigger package, neatly wrapped in _congratulations!_ paper. “What’s this?”

“It’s a surprise for you, you don’t have to accept it but I saw you looking at it when we went shopping earlier in the week.” Frowning in confusion, Kankri tore open the wrapping paper, gulping when he turned the folder over to see his present. It was a sketching pad, smooth enough for shading but thick enough pages for watercolour paints if he wanted. He didn’t know what to say, turning to Cronus who was holding out another smaller package. “Can’t sketch without any pencils.”

“Oh Cronus what, I don’t understand.” He took the small package and ripped it open to find art pencils ranging from different sizes, and an eraser attached to the box. Cronus set the torn wrapping paper aside on the table in front, he shrugged effortlessly and turned back towards his boyfriend who not only appeared confused, but also had a bit of a teary gleam in the corner of his eyes.

“I figured you missed art.” Just thinking about it; Kankri quit being creative because of his phobia and his father certainly didn’t help the matter. Cronus didn’t get to see his boyfriend’s art but it must have been something that Kankri was really pleased with considering he went to a club for it, it was a hobby. He’d seen the way Kankri looked at the works in the therapy waiting rooms, that longing in his eyes, the questioning thoughts of _what if I continued?_

While there was a bit of selfishness on is part wanting to see his boyfriend’s art, he thinks this could truly be an outlet for Kankri to get over the abandonment of his father, the fear that creativity caused him. Art is expressional; and Kankri had a lot inside that would be beautiful on canvas. He felt arms wrap around his neck and beamed, returning the embrace as Kankri’s breathed shakily against his neck. “I’m guessing you like your present?”

“I don’t know what to say.” How could Cronus get it so right? It was like the man knew everything. They were in the high street shopping for groceries when he noticed the sketching set in the window of a book store and couldn’t look away. It brought back so many memories of his childhood, both good and bad. He didn’t think anything of it after Cronus tugged his hand a little, but he must have kept it pinned in his head for later.

Being pushed back a little, Cronus laid the sketch pad and pencils on his lap and leaned back with another one of those cheeky grins. “I want to see you draw.”

“What, now?” He nodded as Kankri flicked up the pad to the fresh first page, opening the box of pencils and finding the finest one in the set. He didn’t even know what to draw and he must have been so rusty having not touched a canvas in years but it didn’t matter because Cronus was peering around the room before grabbing his mug and downing his coffee, setting it on the table again. He then took the cup between Kankri’s legs and placed it next to his empty one, arranging it until he was happy with the outcome. Letting out a breath, Kankri laid back against the sofa and took a moment to take in what he was about to do before he began to sketch out the shape of the cups.

He doesn’t really know how he could do it, maybe it was as if his hands were refreshing themselves from having a long break or his brain new exactly what to do and kept it in a file for safe keeping. But he took to drawing like he never gave it up. Cronus turned down the television so Kankri wouldn’t be distracted, taking in the sight of the tanned man at work, his eyes fully focused on his creation. They didn’t talk, fully satisfied in the little scratching noises of a sharp pencil against smooth paper.

Even for Cronus it was therapeutic; he was getting to know the person Kankri was before his father tainted him. The peaceful concentration on his face, he wonders if Kankri had the same expression when he was younger, makes him think about what he drew back then. Was it childish things? Or maybe he had a taste for the emotional paintings that he couldn’t express out loud. Whatever it was, Kankri had matured from that and while it may take him a while to get the hang of things and gain confidence like when he was younger, he knew this would help him out in the long run.

With the last swipe of his thumb to add some shading, Kankri set the pencil down and let out a sigh he forgot he held in. Leaning in, Cronus took a peek and blinked in amazement at the dimensional effects Kankri could still do. He used smooth shadows from light to dark when it was needed, it had the right amount of angle if not a tiny bit off, he even added the steam from his tea. Little to say he was impressed.  Kankri’s face flushed as he set the pad and pencil set on the table, leaving his drink to get cold. “It’s not my best work.”

“You kidding? It’s amazing. _You’re_ amazing.” Cronus cupped his boyfriend’s heated cheeks, pecking his lips once and resting his forehead against Kankri’s. It wasn’t much but Kankri felt like a small weight was off his shoulders, as if Cronus had opened a door for him that had been closed for so long. Letting his eyes slip shut, Kankri let the moment wash over him, the feel of heat radiating from Cronus’ hands covering his cheeks, their breath mingling together as one. It wasn’t the ending he was expecting but he was alright with that, but together they were peacefully content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! I do hope you liked this story and read more of my works!


End file.
